Tiger Resilience Podcast – EP 9 Family Communication and Addiction: Be Kind By accepting the person with an addiction—even if you don't accept their behavior—you can start to build bridges to forgiveness and their recovery. Avoid Saying This • You should be ashamed of yourself for abusing drugs. Try This Instead • Everyone needs help sometimes. You don't have to be ashamed of your addiction. Educate Yourself on Addiction At the same time, don't assume you know everything about their addiction simply because you do research. Each person with an addiction is a unique individual with their own experience. Avoid Saying This • Why don't you just stop using drugs? You're being selfish. Try This Instead • You are still my friend, and I care for you no matter what. Is there any way I can help? Getting Past Resentment Every situation will depend on many factors including whether the family is able to have open and honest discussion with the person in recovery. Any unspoken problem will destroy healthy family dynamics. Many families struggle with communication and find sweeping things under the rug is much easier than problem-solving and learning how to communicate effectively. This may even be one of the underlying layers to the person with addiction’s experience at home which lent itself to addiction in the first place. Thoughtfully Choose Your Words Avoid Saying This • I can't believe you're a junkie. When are you getting clean? Try This Instead • I'm sorry you're struggling with your addiction. I am here to help support you. Listen More Than You Talk You also don't have to make their addiction the main focus of every conversation you have with them. Avoid Saying This • What are you doing? You're not using again, are you? Why aren't you calling me back? Try This Instead • Hey, do you have any plans this weekend? I would love to grab dinner if you're free. Set Boundaries Avoid Saying This • You're so annoying when you drink. I can't even talk to you when you get like this. Try This Instead • I feel disrespected when we have a conversation after you've been drinking. I think it's best we're both sober when we interact from now on. Believe Them Avoid Saying This • Come on, you can have one drink. It's fine. Try This Instead • I respect that you're not drinking, and I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself. Don't Tell Them What to Do Avoid Saying This • You should just quit cold turkey. It worked for someone else I know. Try This Instead • I want you to feel your best. I can help you research treatment centers or therapists if you'd like. To communicate with a loved one who is living with addiction, start by educating yourself, being aware of the language you use, and setting healthy boundaries. You can support them while also supporting your own well-being. At the end of the day, you want to let them know you care about them and will support them in any way you can. • Focusing on the positive: requesting desired outcomes (“Could you please?”) instead of inviting negative ones (“Make sure you don’t … again”). • Explaining one’s own feelings instead of firing accusations at the other person. • Listening—really listening—as well as talking. • Respecting the other party as a unique individual. Feeling that others are “always trying to force me into their mold” ranks high among relapse triggers. • Showing empathy and genuinely attempting to understand how hard recovery can be: never belittling anyone’s struggles. • Offering daily kind words and compliments, especially when a recovering addict is looking into the face of relapse or near-relapse. Showing ongoing confidence that “You can do it, you’ll make it.” • Timing serious discussions carefully to minimize tension.