Be sure to also check out the blog post: https://www.authenticpursuit.net/post/the-invisible-rules-running-your-life

Have you ever caught yourself saying:

“I should be doing more.”

“I shouldn’t disappoint people.”

“A good mom would handle this better.”

“I should be able to fix this.”

“I shouldn’t need help.”

But have you ever stopped and asked:

Who told me that was the rule?

In this episode of Authentic Pursuit, we’re talking about the invisible rules that quietly shape how we show up in motherhood, marriage, work, faith, relationships, and even the expectations we place on ourselves.

Some of these rules may have started as ways to stay connected, feel successful, avoid conflict, or keep life feeling safe. But eventually, a rule that once helped us can become something that leaves us exhausted, anxious, resentful, or disconnected from ourselves.

I also share how this shows up in my own life as someone who naturally wants to organize, solve, help, accomplish, and keep things moving. There is nothing wrong with being capable. The problem comes when being capable turns into believing everything is mine to carry.

• Why “should” can be a clue that an invisible rule is running in the background
• The difference between living from your values and living from fear or expectation
• Why capable women can easily become over-responsible
• How people-pleasing and over-functioning can look like kindness
• Why someone else’s disappointment does not automatically mean you did something wrong
• The difference between helping someone and trying to manage their outcome
• Why guilt sometimes shows up when we begin doing something healthier
• How old survival patterns can continue influencing our decisions long after we need them

When you notice an invisible rule, walk yourself through these four steps:

R — Recognize the rule

What am I telling myself I “should” do?

U — Uncover where it came from

Where did I learn this? Is it from my family, culture, faith experiences, relationships, past pain, or expectations I absorbed along the way?

L — Look at the cost

What is this rule costing me emotionally, mentally, relationally, or physically?

E — Exchange it

What is a healthier and more truthful belief I can practice instead?

For example:

Old rule:

I have to keep everyone happy.

New rule:

I can be kind without being responsible for managing everyone’s feelings.

Think about one area of your life that feels heavy right now and ask:

What am I telling myself I should be doing?

Then ask:

Would I give this same rule to my daughter, my best friend, or someone I deeply love?

If the answer is no, it may be worth asking why you are requiring it from yourself.

Feeling guilty does not always mean you are doing something wrong.

Sometimes guilt simply means you are doing something differently.

You are allowed to question expectations you never consciously chose.

You are allowed to grow beyond patterns that once protected you.

And you are allowed to decide:

That rule does not belong in my life anymore.

Explore more resources, conversations, and tools designed to help you better understand your emotions, relationships, patterns, and sense of self at Authentic Pursuit.

And if this episode made you think of someone who is constantly carrying everything for everyone else, share it with her.

Sometimes becoming more authentic is not about adding something new.

Sometimes it is finally putting down something you were never meant to carry.

Be sure to also check out the blog post: https://www.authenticpursuit.net/post/the-invisible-rules-running-your-life

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

I Can Fix It. It’s Fine. I’m Fine.

Have you ever thought, “If I could just find the right words, keep everyone happy, or try a little harder, things would finally be okay?"

In this episode of Authentic Pursuit, we’re talking about the pressure to fix everything and what’s underneath it. From a loved one’s addiction to betrayal, parenting, and keeping the peace, fear can convince us that controlling the outcome will protect us from getting hurt.

We explore:

• Why we confuse control with safety.
• How shame turns someone else’s choices into a statement about our worth.
• The difference between caring for someone and taking responsibility for their decisions.
• What trusting God can look like while still setting boundaries and making hard choices.

A question to sit with: When someone I love struggles or disappoints me, I tell myself it means I am ______.

Someone else’s choices do not determine your worth. You can care deeply without carrying everything.

Explore your own patterns of rescuing, people-pleasing, and putting yourself last with the free Authentic Pursuit Self-Reflection Assessment.

If this episode sounds like someone you love, share it with them.

For More

Email: support@authenticpursuit.net

Website: www.authenticpursuit.net

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theauthenticpursuit

Youtube: https://youtu.be/H8rrCj8dprU

TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theauthenticpursuit

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theauthenticpursuit/

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Free Resource from the Podcast:

https://www.authenticpursuit.net/challenge-page/6407634d-7992-41a7-9cea-b4d7578f2bd5?programId=6407634d-7992-41a7-9cea-b4d7578f2bd5

Have you ever felt like you’re carrying an invisible list?

Be a good wife. Be a good mom. Be a good friend. Remember everything. Keep everyone happy. Don’t let anyone down.

In this episode of Authentic Pursuit, I’m talking about the expectations we put on ourselves and how easily they can get tied to our worth.

We talk about perfectionism, agape love, the Greek word teleios, and the difference between trying to be flawless and learning to become whole.

I also explore the difference between sacrifice and self erasure, and ask some hard questions:

• Can I love you and still exist?
• Can I care without fixing?
• Can someone be disappointed in me and I still be okay?
• Am I helping because they need it, or because I need them to be okay?

...And maybe the biggest one:

• Who am I when I’m not being useful to someone else?

I also created a free Self Reflection Assessment to help you notice patterns of overfunctioning, people pleasing, rescuing, and putting everyone else’s needs before your own.

The goal is not another score to judge yourself by.

It’s awareness.

Because maybe the goal isn’t becoming perfect enough to be loved.

Maybe it’s becoming whole enough to receive the love that’s already being offered.

Find the free resource and more at:

www.authenticpursuit.net

Authentically,

Kristina

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode of Authentic Pursuit, we explore the uncomfortable truth that control does not always look controlling. Sometimes it looks like caring, helping, planning, fixing, asking a million questions, or trying to protect the people we love.

But what happens when fear—not love—is driving the behavior?

From betrayal and addiction to parenting older children, relationships, and everyday uncertainty, this episode looks at the ways we try to create the “perfect set” in hopes of preventing pain, conflict, disappointment, relapse, mistakes, or being blindsided again.

We unpack the difference between safety and certainty, support and ownership, boundaries and control, and ask a deeper question: What am I trying to prevent—and what am I afraid I will feel if I cannot prevent it?

You’ll also learn how the Trigger Toolkit can help you slow down the space between a trigger and your reaction so you can identify the fear, emotion, need, and next step underneath the urge to fix or control.

Because the goal is not to control the ending. It is to build enough self-trust to know you can respond even when life does not follow the script.

50% OFF the Trigger Toolkit using: PODCAST

https://www.authenticpursuit.net/challenge-page/7a8945d3-cbdf-40cf-b1e1-f98c6645a90a?programId=7a8945d3-cbdf-40cf-b1e1-f98c6645a90a

Freebie using PODCAST

https://www.authenticpursuit.net/participant-page/4e0c9f9a-bc22-49ff-bece-7fca9ffadec4?programId=4e0c9f9a-bc22-49ff-bece-7fca9ffadec4&participantId=ff632422-7794-4a79-a8db-c2d301771167

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

What are you still subscribed to in your life simply because you never stopped to ask whether it still belongs there?

This episode started with something simple: cleaning out an overloaded email inbox and finally hitting “unsubscribe” on years of unwanted messages. But it quickly became a bigger question—how much of our emotional energy is being consumed by things that no longer deserve access to us?

In this episode, we talk about unsubscribing from urgency, other people’s expectations, self-blame, constant input, the pressure to have everything figured out, and the need to make everyone understand. We also explore how betrayal and difficult seasons can leave us hyperfocused on survival, causing us to miss the people, moments, needs, and parts of ourselves that matter most.

You’ll be encouraged to ask: What is filling my internal inbox? What am I missing because of the noise? And what deserves to be marked important right now?

If you’ve ever known you were overwhelmed, anxious, angry, hurt, or shut down—but had no idea what you actually needed—this free resource can help you slow down, identify what you’re feeling, explore what that feeling may be signaling, and choose one small step within your control.

Access the free resource here:

https://www.authenticpursuit.net/participant-page/4e0c9f9a-bc22-49ff-bece-7fca9ffadec4?programId=4e0c9f9a-bc22-49ff-bece-7fca9ffadec4&participantId=ff632422-7794-4a79-a8db-c2d301771167

You don’t have to clear out your whole life today. Maybe healing starts with one small unsubscribe.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Life has a way of taking us through valleys we never expected to enter—betrayal, broken relationships, grief, uncertainty, motherhood, loss, identity struggles, and seasons when the life we imagined suddenly looks nothing like the life we are living.

Authentic Pursuit is for the woman who is ready to stop simply surviving what happened to her and begin discovering who she is becoming through it.

Hosted by Kristina Mathieu, Authentic Pursuit creates space for honest conversations about healing, relationships, betrayal, faith, identity, boundaries, emotional health, and the complicated process of rebuilding when life has changed.

Here, we don't rush healing. We don't pretend faith eliminates pain. And we don't believe the hardest chapter of your story gets to become the definition of your life.

Some episodes will explore betrayal and the very real impact infidelity can have on a woman's sense of safety, trust, identity, and relationships. Others will go beyond betrayal into the valleys so many women quietly walk through—the places where we wrestle with who we are, what we believe, what we need to release, and where God may be leading us next.

Expect honest stories, practical tools, research-informed conversations, faith, reflection, and encouragement for taking the next step—even when you cannot see the entire path yet.

Because you may be walking through a valley, but you were never meant to become a permanent resident there.

Heal. Grow. Pursue what is true.

Welcome to Authentic Pursuit.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On today’s episode of the Authentic Pursuit Podcast, host Kristina Mathieu is joined by Deontae and Magan, a dynamic couple who share their inspiring journey of love, family, and the pursuit of authentic connection. As parents of five children and entrepreneurs with their new business, ***Premium Engagements***, Deontae and Magan discuss the power of small gestures in building and maintaining a strong relationship.

From simple acts like putting toothpaste on a toothbrush to making sure their partner feels cared for and appreciated, they emphasize the importance of showing up for each other every day, even in the little things. Their conversation highlights the significance of self-love, vulnerability, and clear communication in overcoming tough seasons and strengthening intimacy and connection in relationships.

Deontae and Magan also touch on how they model respect and healthy relationships for their children, and offer valuable advice to couples facing challenges. Their story is a reminder that love, respect, and appreciation don’t require money—just a willingness to show up and care for each other in meaningful ways.

If you’re looking to create your own special moments or just need a little extra help in making your relationship even more meaningful, consider reaching out to Premium Engagements. Magan and Deontae are here to help you make those small but significant details come to life.

***Premium Engagements***

Website: https://www.premiumengagements.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/premiumengagements/

Tune in for an insightful conversation on the power of love and authenticity in all areas of life.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The couple discusses how they keep the spark alive in their marriage after four years, by going on date nights and doing small gestures to show they care, their goals and dreams which include traveling, financial stability, and personal growth, and their key practice of having a vision for their relationship and reminding each other of it every day. Kristina Mathieu and Wes, a couple who are also business partners, talk about their relationship and the challenges they faced in communicating and working together. They share how they learned to be better active listeners and the progress they made in their relationship through therapy. Wes talks about how he used to struggle with understanding the importance of good communication and boundaries due to not having any role models for healthy relationships, but has since learned and grown. Kristina also emphasizes the value of prioritizing oneself in a relationship and speaking up.

The Authentic Pursuit podcast by Kristina Mathieu is now in season two and will feature real couples sharing their love stories and growth together. For the first episode, Kristina's husband Wes joins her to talk about their story, their blended family, and their commitment to always strive for progress, not perfection. They also share some fun and meaningful questions that couples can discuss together to keep the romance alive and prioritize each other amidst busy schedules. They also mention the Paired app as a helpful tool for their relationship.

Items Mentioned in Today's Episode

Paired Apple App Store: https://apps.apple.com/us/app/paired-couples-relationship/id1469609343

Paired Google Play: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.getpaired.app&hl=en_US&pli=1

Lunch box notes: https://www.authenticpursuit.net/product-page/business-cards

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.