The Session: Children of Divorce, an Overview of Research and Articles

Matthew 19:14, “Let the little children come to me.”

Children of divorce, living in two households face complex emotional, relational, and spiritual challenges.

The Emotional Impact

• The impact of two houses has a direct hit or impact on the child’s security and stability
• The impact of two houses also causes a grieving process of the loss of having two biological parents in their house
• Children also feel torn between both houses. They fear showing allegiance to one. Parent may hurt the other parent.
• Children off, so feel hesitant and fearful of sharing their feelings in the two households because of the ramifications that could happen
• Often times children do not want to alienate the parent that appears to be hurt or could be hurt

The impact of divorce and two houses on a child relationship with God

• Children can struggle with issues a prayer, trust, and why did God allow this to happen to their family?

Coparenting Strategies for Healing

It is important for split families to focus on grace, forgiveness, and the child's well-being.

Todd Taylor writes in his article, the Secret to Success in Christian Coparenting

• Christian parenting in a split-home environment requires focusing on grace, forgiveness, and the child's well-being.
• The cornerstone of successful Christian co-parenting is always prioritizing your child’s physical and emotional well-being.

DLM Christian Lifestyle

• Daniel Maritz in DLM Christian Lifestyle states that broken families lead to broken societies

Focus on the Family, One Child Two Homes, elaborates on the problems, children face

• They live a life of constant transition.
• Life has two sets of parents, two groups of siblings and two different beds.
• It means switching between different rules and routines and having two homes yet often feeling as if he were not a part of either.
• Parents are often unaware of the stress a child endures when he’s shuffled between two homes.
• Children crave stability. In its absence, they may become territorial about their belongings and their space. Their “things” become their security.

Ways to help children of divorce living in two separate homes

• The major challenge is in having consistent rules between the two houses.
• It’s about making it safe for the children to talk and be heard
• It’s about providing as much stability as possible.
• It’s about security and consistency in their lives

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, visit his website at https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com or email Tom at tom.hccm@gmail.com

The Session: Giving our Children Tough Love

Romans 8:38–39, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Emotions, Teens, and Hormones

• Emotions can be very tumultuous for a teen. Emotions for teenagers can be like unto the life interruption that pre menopause, menopause, and a midlife crisis for a man
• If the upheaval were strictly environmentally driven, it would be hard to predict its onset.
• If it’s hormonally driven, it can be very predictable. Reality suggests it is predictable.
• It has the capability of changing a person’s attitude. An attitude is the total of what a person’s thinking and feeling. When you put it together, you have their attitude.
• The emotional changes coincide with the physical maturation of a teen.
• Human chemistry goes crazy for a period of time. The chemistry issues also impact a teens, mind and decision-making process.
• At the age of 13 to 14, boys awaken to a whole New World, and all of a sudden becomes very aware of what he feels. He can be very stressed by social situations and the fear of being ridicule and embarrassed.

Adolescent society is dominated by beauty for girls & physical maturation for boys.

• The girls beauty is scary for boys (TERRIFYING, ACTUALLY...SCOTT)
• Boys physical characteristics that help in sports intimidate physically immature boys (SCOTT ALWAYS WANTED A 6 PACK)
• Physical strength in boys facilitates the bully into hurting the weaker boys
• The junior/senior prom is dominated by the fear of rejection reaction and ridicule
• The fear of going to school due to harassment and humiliation

Our memories of teen life for our children and us…OH, NOW YOU’RE MEDDLIN’!

Have a New Kid by Friday, by Kevin Lehman

• Kevin promotes tough love by letting our teen children know if they are disrespectful to us that we are less cooperative. A great example would be you were disrespectful to me, so I am not taking you to your friend’s house tonight.

Reality Therapy

• Reality therapy was created by William Glasser to help troubled teens.
• Similar to Kevin Lehman, reality therapy lets teens learn on their own. We allow life to teach them and not be the heavy ourselves. A great example is if they need to be ready to catch the team bus to one of their sporting events, but they’re poking around and not motivated to get there on time, we allow them to miss the bus.

ANY FINAL THOUGHTS FROM DR. DOBSON THAT YOU STUDIED OVER THE YEARS?

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, visit his website at https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com or email Tom at tom.hccm@gmail.com

The Session: The Importance of Dad in the Home - a Collection of Tom’s View on Dads

Luke 22:41-44: "He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, 'Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.' An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground."

From Manhood Journey

• The biblical role of a father extends beyond biology, including stepdads, mentors, and spiritual leaders who invest in others’ lives.
• Scripture calls fathers to lead spiritually, model Christlike love, and be encouragers in both words and actions.

From Focus on the Family

The Significance of a Father’s Influence

Our culture seems to place little value on the role of fathers. I see evidence of this everywhere, from pop culture and media to government policy.

Dads bring positive benefits to their children that no other person is as likely to bring. They provide protection and economic support and male role models. They have a parenting style that is significantly different from that of a mother and that difference is important in healthy child development.

David Popenoe, Life Without Father,

Dads tend to stress rules, justice, fairness, and duty in discipline. In this way, they teach children the objectivity and consequences of right and wrong. They give kids insight into the world of men.

82% of studies on father involvement and child well-being published since 1980 found “significant associations between positive father involvement and offspring well-being…” Paul R. Amato and Fernando Rivera, “Paternal Involvement and Children’s Behavior Problems,” Journal of Marriage and the Family 61 (1999):

In an analysis of over 100 studies on parent-child relationships, it was found that having a loving and nurturing father was as important for a child’s happiness, well-being, and social and academic success as having a loving and nurturing mother.

Kyle D. Pruett, Fatherneed: Why Father Care is as Essential as Mother Care for Your Child,

Dr. Pruett states, “positive father care is associated with more pro-social and positive moral behavior in boys and girls.” Pruett, 2000, p. 52. This is borne out by research from the University of Pennsylvania which indicates that children who feel a closeness and warmth with their father are twice as likely to enter college, 75 percent less likely to have a child in their teen years, 80 percent less likely to be incarcerated and half as likely to show various signs of depression.

A devotional podcast for parents on the go! Encouragement, Scripture, & prayer in just 7 minutes. Join the journey!

To reach Tom Russell, visit his website at https://www.heritagechristiancounselingofmansfield.com or email Tom at tom.hccm@gmail.com