School's been in session for a bit, maybe you're noticing some changes in your child. Maybe their teacher is telling you about some behavioral issue. It could be Attention Deficit Disorder, or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. In this episode, Tom & Scott talk about some symptoms and possible treatments.

The Session: AAD/ADHD SYMPTOMS AND TREATMENT

Romans 5:4-5, “Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Notice that hope comes from character, which comes from perseverance, which comes from suffering.

Inattentive ADHD, your greatest struggle will come from problems such as high distractibility and feeling zoned out. Due to the challenges you face with focus and attention, you are more likely to avoid tasks requiring sustained mental effort.

Inattentive ADHD makes it difficult for you to complete tasks and stay organized. It can also make you feel impatient or moody. These things can affect your relationships, as well as your performance in school, at work or during activities.

Symptoms and Causes

What are the symptoms of inattentive ADHD?

The symptoms of inattentive ADHD include having trouble or difficulty with the following behaviors:

• Paying attention to the details and/or making frequent mistakes while doing tasks.
• Staying focused on long-winded tasks (like reading, listening to a presentation, etc.).
• Listening to others.
• Following through on tasks or obligations. You can easily lose focus in the middle of a task.
• Managing time and meeting deadlines.
• Performing tasks that need significant brain power, like filling out forms or writing reports.
• Keeping track of common items needed to complete everyday tasks (pencil, wallet, keys, phone, etc.).
• Staying in the moment without distractions.
• Remembering to complete routine tasks (chores, errands, appointments, etc.).

Although everyone experiences problems paying attention and focusing at times, if you have inattentive ADHD, you’ll experience these symptoms so often that they interfere with your daily functioning at school, at work, with friends and family or in social situations.

What are the causes of inattentive ADHD?

The cause of inattentive ADHD is unclear. Research suggests the following may contribute to ADHD:

• Genetics.
• Anatomical makeup of your brain (how certain areas of your brain form and function).

Is inattentive ADHD hereditary?

Studies show that inattentive ADHD can run in your biological family, so you’re more at risk of developing it if someone related to you has it.

School Related Symptoms ADHD/ADD

• Relationship struggles
• Inability to write on grade appropriate levels on paper
• Activity out of their seats in class and very obstinate about returning to their seats
• Not paying attention and disturbing their neighbor sitting next to them in class

Normalizing ADHD/ADD

• Almost everyone has one condition or another. Some people are Dyslexic, some wear glasses, some have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Asperger Syndrome, Tourettes Syndrome , some have Sleep Apnea,
• Christians should be patient and have compassion on anyone who has a condition that makes their life more difficult than someone who doesn’t have one. After all, God created them that way for a reason and a purpose - who are Christians or anyone else to say that they are not worthy of kindness and respect? Everyone should view and treat people with these or other conditions as nothing less than people.

Treatment

• Doing homework (From Scott...this sounded funny to me too. So I grilled Tom about it on the episode. Give it a listen!)
• Sitting through dinner
• Changing activities
• Playing quietly
• Paying attention
• Support groups for parents
• Cognitive behavioral therapy
• Anger management
• Family therapy
• Psychoeducational therapy

Medication

• Relexxii
• Medication’s release neurotransmitters in the brain that help level out ADD
• dopamine and norepinephrine.
• Vyvanse

October is Pastor Appreciation Month. In this episode, Tom & Scott share some ideas on how to bless your Pastor (AND their families) this October...and really, all year!

The Session: Pastor Appreciation Month

1 Thessalonians 5:12–13 (NIV): “Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.”

Pick a different strategy for the week. Do it every day of the week. Do this for the entire month of October. (From Scott: This kinda sounds like Tom's goal setting strategies too)

1 Thessalonians 5:12–13 (NIV): “Now we ask you, brothers and sisters, to acknowledge those who work hard among you, who care for you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work. Live in peace with each other.”

Here are some ways to bless pastors during pastor Appreciation Month

• Pray: Pray for your pastor's spiritual vitality, protection from Satan, and the grace and love of God. You can also pray for their family.
• Give a gift card: A gift card to a restaurant or an Amazon or iTunes card can be a great gift for a pastor.
• Post pictures with the pastor: Share pictures of yourself and the pastor at church events on social media.
• Adopt a local church: Send a care package to another church in your area or serve together with another local church.
• Speak encouraging words: Let your pastor know how the Lord has changed you.
• Write a note: Write a note with encouraging feedback about their sermon.
• Set out a gift basket: Set out a gift basket in the church lobby for members to leave notes and gifts.
• Mow the pastor's lawn: Mow the pastor's lawn when their family is on vacation or ministry
• Connect with the church office manager. Find out your pastors likes and needs and organize a plan to meet them
• Encourage time off and 48 hour getaways!
• Develop assistant pastors who can carry some of the load
• Encourage the pastor to
• Plan for more than Sundays.

Resources

• Remember the pastor's role is 24-7; assign a person or persons to be on-call to help in emergencies. Identify people within the church who can counsel or advise others whether that means listening to problems or pointing them to a professional. Also, before your pastor hits the beach, determine the type of events about which he or she would like to be contacted. (Resource UMC)

• The Gravity Community is an online community of practice for Christians to stay connected and learn together in an environment that's safe for questions and doubts. Join the Gravity Community for connection and support for struggling pastors.

Here's your first reminder! Pastor Appreciation Month is just a couple weeks away! As you think about how to honor the Pastors (AND their families) in your church, Tom & Scott talk about some alarming statistics about why it's important to honor those who serve the Lord and teach you.

The Session: The Pastoral Grind

Proverbs 4:23: "Above all else, guard your heart for it is the wellspring of life"

Stress, loneliness and political division are the three items that rise to the surface.

56% of pastors say stress of the job is the biggest issue.

(43%) of Pastor, say “I feel lonely and isolated.

Treatment

Pastors should have a leader outside of his church

• Pastors should have a small group that they attend with their spouse outside of the church they pastor.

• Pastors should have a support group that they can be supported in. It should be a safe place where they can vent pray and be supported. If there isn’t one that you’re aware of then maybe start one and invite a number of other pastors to a luncheon to talk about..

The following statistics are likely a result of not feeding themselves before the Lord. Without safe people to talk about how they feel it is very difficult.

• Only 26% of the pastors said they had regular devotions.

This is very important. So, in their spiritual bank account, they are running on a negative balance, because they are always withdrawing from that account without depositing in to it.

• 70% of pastors suffer from depression

Without close relationships or a support group it is difficult to share and open up.

• 77% of pastors believe they are not in a good marriage. 50% of pastors end up in divorce

Pastors have to prioritize their marriages. They have to be assertive with their church to get the time and space to do it They are a role model to their people.

• 40% of pastors have had an extra marital affair.

Hurting people turn to the pastor who is hurting which is when needs get met outside of marriage.

• 70% of pastors only study the word when doing sermon prep.

They are not exercising their spiritual muscles.

• 70% of pastors do not have close friends

There has to be a personal life. (From Scott….should those friends be outside the church the Pastor serves in?) Tom's answer? YES!

• 35% of Pastors struggle with from sexual sin. This leads to loneliness and divorce.

As Rev. Dr. Glenn Packiam—author of The Resilient Pastor—writes in Barna’s The State of Your Church, “We need sages to advise us, leaders to direct us or hold us accountable, peers to remind us that we aren’t alone, healers to dress our wounds and companions who carry us when we can’t carry on.”

National Grief Awareness Day is August 30, so on this episode, we talk in some detail about grief. What causes it, how to handle it in a productive way, and some possible therapies that might help.

The Session: National Grief Awareness Day (Aug. 30)

II Corinthians 1:3-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God"

Dr. Gregory Jantz-Whole Person Care

Multiple Causes

Grief can take many forms, from the death of a loved one to divorce, job loss, or chronic illness.

Emotions or feelings of grief can include sadness, denial, despair, shock, guilt, numbness, relief, helplessness, and/or anger. Many grief sufferers also experience anxiety or depression, which can vary in its longevity.

Body’s reaction to grief

When you’re grieving, different hormones and neurochemicals flood your brain. This can result in symptoms like disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, fatigue and anxiety, all of which can have a big impact on your brain function.

Cortisol (sometimes called the “stress hormone”) is often released more frequently and in higher quantities during grief, in particular over the six months after the loss of a loved one.

The five stages of grief is a model of grief developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist.

The 5 Stages of Grief

Denial

The time it takes to process the loss of a loved one means there is a lag between learning the information about their passing and your brain beginning to process what this really means – that they are not coming back.

This type of shock can also make you feel very disconnected from the rest of the world. It can be incredibly confusing to see life carrying on around you while you feel as though your world has stopped turning.

Anger

Feelings of anger can surface after a death in several different ways. You may feel angry towards the person who has died, or anger at yourself if you feel you should have done or not done certain things before they died. You could feel both of those feelings simultaneously

Bargaining

By making deals with yourself, the world, or with God, the reality of death can be held at bay for a little longer. It’s also a way to try to get some control over what has happened, hoping that by holding up our end of the bargain is a way to feel less pain.

Depression

This stage is perhaps the most familiar to those who’ve experienced grief and to those who have witnessed it. Living without your loved one can feel impossible, and the sadness and longing can be very intensely painful. The depression stage often comes in waves over months or years, leaving the bereaved feeling as though nothing matters, and even that life is not worth living.

Acceptance

While grief can leave people feeling like they will never be able to accept the loss of their loved one, many people do find the pain eases.

Treatment from Scripture:

• Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
• Psalm 73:26: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
• Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
• Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

Other Treatment Options:

• Writing Jesus a letter. Ummm…..the USPS doesn’t deliver to “Heaven”…
• What would Jesus say to you?
• Make a video of the loved one
• (A thought from Scott) Talk to someone. Pastor, friend, parent, spouse, someone you trust

The Session: Preparing Your Children For The School Year With Maslow’s Heiarchy as a Guide, from Simon & Schuster

Matthew 19:14 "Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these'"

Scott’s question: Does this work for home schoolers as well as traditional students?

Who is Maslow?

Abraham Maslow was an American psychologist who developed a theory of psychological health.

· His theory was based on the developmental stages of a child being met to help the child develop into a self actualized state.

Physiological Needs As It Relates To Students

· Hungry

· Thirsty

· Exhausted

· Freezing

· Over heated

· Sick

· In Pain

Safety

· If we feel safe and confident that we are not in pain, discomfort, we avoid pain and hunger. We are able to begin to learn.

· Social Media

Children aged 8–12 spend an average of 5 hours and 33 minutes per day on screen media, while teens spend 8 hours and 39 minutes.

Social

· “Peer Priority”

· We feel safe and secure then we are ready to belong to a group of people. To our children that means their friends are vitally important. Children are now ready for belonging and love.

Self-esteem

· Once you were child feels accepted in a group they are now wanting to have special status. That status includes being admired and respected.

· John 4:16-18 NIV ... “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is ...

· 1 Peter 2:9 – A Chosen People. "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God's special possession, that you may declare the praises ...

Self Actualization

· Finally, now our core needs are met, we're ready to pursue our deepest desire for self-actualisation - to become the most complete and authentic version of ourselves.

· Proverbs 19:21: "Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails"

Celebration Of Success

· Goal Setting

Vision

Long Term

Short Term

Goals of the Week

Goals of the Day

LearningStyles

· Kinestec-Physically feel it

· Experiential-hands on / movement

· Auditory-lecture/ music

· Visual-graphs / charts

· Whole to part / part to whole

· Social-collaboration / teams

The Session: National Grief Awareness Day (Aug. 30) We honor this day with a conversation about dealing with grief, and the 5 stages of grief.

II Corinthians 1:3-4

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God"

Dr. Gregory Jantz-Whole Person Care

Multiple Causes

Grief can take many forms, from the death of a loved one to divorce, job loss, or chronic illness.

Emotions or feelings of grief can include sadness, denial, despair, shock, guilt, numbness, relief, helplessness, and/or anger. Many grief sufferers also experience anxiety or depression, which can vary in its longevity.

Body’s reaction to grief

When you’re grieving, different hormones and neurochemicals flood your brain. This can result in symptoms like disturbed sleep, loss of appetite, fatigue and anxiety, all of which can have a big impact on your brain function.

Cortisol (sometimes called the “stress hormone”) is often released more frequently and in higher quantities during grief, in particular over the six months after the loss of a loved one.

The five stages of grief is a model of grief developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist.

The 5 Stages of Grief

Denial

The time it takes to process the loss of a loved one means there is a lag between learning the information about their passing and your brain beginning to process what this really means – that they are not coming back.

This type of shock can also make you feel very disconnected from the rest of the world. It can be incredibly confusing to see life carrying on around you while you feel as though your world has stopped turning.

Anger

Feelings of anger can surface after a death in several different ways. You may feel angry towards the person who has died, or anger at yourself if you feel you should have done or not done certain things before they died. You could feel both of those feelings simultaneously

Bargaining

By making deals with yourself, the world, or with God, the reality of death can be held at bay for a little longer. It’s also a way to try to get some control over what has happened, hoping that by holding up our end of the bargain is a way to feel less pain.

Depression

This stage is perhaps the most familiar to those who’ve experienced grief and to those who have witnessed it. Living without your loved one can feel impossible, and the sadness and longing can be very intensely painful. The depression stage often comes in waves over months or years, leaving the bereaved feeling as though nothing matters, and even that life is not worth living.

Acceptance

While grief can leave people feeling like they will never be able to accept the loss of their loved one, many people do find the pain eases.

Treatment from Scripture:

• Matthew 5:4: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
• Psalm 73:26: “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.”
• Matthew 11:28-30: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

• Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit"

Other Treatment Options:

• Writing Jesus a letter. Ummm…..the USPS doesn’t deliver to “Heaven”…
• What would Jesus say to you?
• Make a video of the loved one
• (A thought from Scott) Talk to someone. Pastor, friend, parent, spouse, someone you trust

In this "retro" episode from 2022, Tom & Scott look at a tough topic as school starts...bullying. How do you know if your child is a victim? How do you if your child IS a bully? We talk through it.

Scripture

We should treat others the way we would like to be treated (Luke 6:31).

Definition: Bullying occurs between two students who have different degrees of power.

Researchers who study bullying cite three common characteristics of what makes an act bullying:

· Bullying is intentional and tries to cause harm or distress to the victim.

· Bullying occurs between two students who have different degrees of power.

· Bullying happens repeatedly over a period of time.

Bullying According to the American Medical Association, states by the time students finish school, nearly half of students have been bullied at one point or another.

Cybersmile.com

· This is a list of resources for victims of bullies, suicide prevention, depression and more

According to the American Medical Association, by the time students finish school, nearly half of students have been bullied at one point or another.

What to do?

1. If you see something, say something.

Reporting bullying to the proper authorities is one of the most important strategies we can use to prevent further bullying. Twenty-eight percent of students grades 6-12 say that have been bullied at school.

2. Understand who you are in Christ.

Meditate on passages like Psalm 139:13-18, which tells us that you are fearfully and wonderfully made and that God’s thoughts toward you are too numerous to count.

3. Even if you are wronged, respond in a Christ-like manner.

When we are in the midst of a painful situation, it can be very easy to forget who we are in Christ and how he has called us to act. Thus, if you ever find yourself being bullied, there are a couple of principles that you need to keep in mind.

· First, we should never try and get back at a bully or seek revenge.

· Second, it’s okay to stick up for yourself if you are bullied. Christians can often be confused by passages such as Matthew 5:39 and Luke 6:29 which tell us to “turn the other cheek.

· Third, Reach out to those being bullies Lastly, we need to reach out to those being bullied. One of the best ways we can do this is to befriend them and invite them to hang out with us. Not only will this make them feel loved, accepted, and less alone, it also acts as a deterrent to bullying. Bullies are much less likely to pick on someone if they are in a group of friends than if they are alone