Rebecca and Olivia explore the concept of "trying softer" and how loosening our grip on control can transform our lives, especially in the demanding world of foster care and adoption.

• Recognizing when we're trying too hard from a place of insecurity or fear of being "found out" as not good enough
• Understanding how our tendency to meet everyone else's needs often comes at the cost of our own wellbeing
• Examining the difference between authentic presence versus performing or dissociating
• Learning that sustainable care means acknowledging our limits and practicing self-care
• Discovering what it means to "unclench our fist" from trying to control outcomes
• Finding joy in activities without productivity goals attached
• Practicing radical acceptance of circumstances we cannot change
• Recognizing that showing up authentically has more value than perfect performance

I hope that you enjoy this conversation, and that it helps you work through how we can loosen our grip on control and try a little bit softer in our worlds.

Mom's Retreat:

https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/retreats

For more information on Haven Retreats, email Sara at sara@havenretreatsinc.org

Stephanie Miller shares her journey as a single foster and adoptive mom to three young children, revealing both the exhausting challenges and profound joys of parenting alone.

• Adopted a five-year-old last December and a 16-month-old around Halloween, while currently fostering another five-year-old
• Drew inspiration from her cousin who fostered and adopted three siblings as a single mother
• Openly discusses the fears she faced - financial concerns, physical exhaustion, and emotional capacity
• Explains the hardest part is never getting a break, even after bedtime when household tasks remain
• Finds joy in getting "all the snuggles" and witnessing every first milestone
• Maintains perspective with a sign reading "Today is a good day to have a good day"
• Built a crucial support network of friends, especially other foster parents who understand the unique challenges
• Uses music as self-care - church choir, intentional listening, specific artists like Lauren Daigle and Ingrid Michaelson
• Finds purpose in seeing positive transformations in the children she fosters, even those who stayed briefly
• Emphasizes that fostering isn't about being special or a "saint" - it's about making a lasting difference in children's lives

Mom's Retreat:

https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/retreats

For more information on Haven Retreats, email Sara at sara@havenretreatsinc.org

Rebecca shares how intentionally noticing positive moments and seeking connection opportunities with her children is transforming her summer parenting experience, despite the challenging start.

• Summer began with significant struggles, including a moment when Rebecca needed to leave the house after a lawn chair broke in her hands
• Progress with one child who historically couldn't participate in simple conversations without going into fight/flight/freeze mode
• Celebrating her young son's decision not to "scream like a pterodactyl" during a frustrating moment
• Working through attachment challenges with her daughter who typically ignores her after absences
• Finding simple connection points through pool time, popsicles, and tech-free activities
• Embracing the "1% change" concept from James Clear's Atomic Habits – small, consistent changes that alter trajectories
• Meeting children at their comfort level for connection rather than forcing interactions

If you're trying intentionally to notice positive moments or create connection with your kids this summer, I'd love to hear about it. Drop a comment on our Instagram page or send me an email about what you're hoping for this summer.

Mom's Retreat:

https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/retreats

For more information on Haven Retreats, email Sara at sara@havenretreatsinc.org

Rebecca Harvin and Courtney Studard share their hard-won wisdom on traveling with children of all ages, from essential packing strategies to entertainment tips that really work. We offer practical advice for making family travel more enjoyable, less stressful, and filled with meaningful memories rather than meltdowns.

• Start children traveling young whenever possible - they adapt quickly and become great travelers
• Lower your expectations dramatically - it's a trip, not a vacation
• Always have a designated driver and entertainer in the car
• Pack novel toys and activities, introducing a new one every 15 minutes
• Reserve special road trip snacks that kids don't get at home
• Prioritize movement at every stop with games and physical activity
• Always choose hotels with pools - this will be your children's favorite memory
• Pack a separate, single overnight bag for hotel stops
• Organize clothing by day or outfit to prevent car chaos
• Start with shorter trips and gradually work your way up to longer adventures
• View initial trips as training exercises for bigger adventures later
• Remember simple experiences often create the most lasting memories

Bio Kids Retreat Registration:

Website: https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/store/p/biokids

Email: sara@havenretreatsinc.org

Jenn Ditges shares her powerful journey from infertility to motherhood through foster care and adoption, revealing how she came to mother six children after experiencing twelve pregnancy losses.

• Always dreamed of being pregnant since witnessing her mother's pregnancy at age 8
• Received a spiritual promise of having six children while walking in Africa
• Experienced twelve pregnancy losses, with doctors eventually stopping treatment
• Bought a six-bedroom house in faith before having any children
• Turned to foster care after a day of prayer with her husband
• Eventually adopted six children—two sets of twins and two "Irish twins"
• Struggles with the complex emotions of Mother's Day and questions of maternal identity
• Finds strength through faith and community support during grief
• Embraces her unique motherhood journey despite it looking different than expected

"There's nothing wrong with you. There is no sin that you've done that God is punishing you for. You don't know what's on the other side, just fall into the arms of Jesus."

Bio Kids Retreat Registration:

Website: https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/store/p/biokids

Email: sara@havenretreatsinc.org

Jessica Miles shares her raw, powerful story of loving through the hardest seasons of foster care, demonstrating how her own difficult childhood prepared her to show up authentically for children experiencing trauma. She offers profound insight into what it means to love intentionally when behaviors are extreme and systems are failing.

• Loving children the way she wished she'd been loved as a child
• Creating safety and protection as foundational parenting values
• Learning each child's unique love language and needs
• Suffering hearing loss from years of managing extreme behaviors
• Finding self-care in small, tangible ways during crisis seasons
• Processing personal trauma while parenting traumatized children
• Wrestling with faith questions while standing firm in commitment
• Using personal pain as a source of empathy and understanding
• The transformative power of being known and truly seen

Share this episode with anyone walking through hard seasons who needs to know they're not alone. The hard is holy.

Kate shares her journey from teacher to single foster parent, reflecting on the profound identity shift that occurs the moment a child enters your home and the unique challenges of navigating the system alone.

• Background in early childhood and special education creating a strong foundation for advocacy
• Building a house with kids in mind before even being licensed
• The exact moment of becoming a mother at 11:23pm on June 29, 2023
• Navigating the overwhelming initial days of placement with no preparation
• The tremendous mental load of single parenting while managing the foster care system
• Creating community support networks for foster families
• Starting a nonprofit to connect those who want to help with foster families in need
• The critical importance of utilizing respite care for sustainability
• Finding balance between the peaceful single life and the chaos of fostering
• The uncertainty that comes with foster care and learning to embrace it

Use respite care regularly - it's not just good for you but beneficial for the kids to see other safe adults and different family dynamics.

Bio Kids Retreat Registration:

Website: https://www.havenretreatsinc.org/store/p/biokids

Email: sara@havenretreatsinc.org

Welcome back to season two where we dive into the complicated reality of Mother's Day for foster and adoptive moms, exploring how joy and grief often coexist in our parenting journey. I share my personal struggles with balancing celebration, complicated emotions, and the mantra that helps me navigate it all: "two things can be true."

• Mother's Day feels different when you share it with your children's first mothers
• Parenting feels drastically different when attachment comes naturally versus when it doesn't
• Breaking dysfunctional cycles adds another layer of complexity to motherhood
• Finding peace amidst chaos becomes a daily practice when raising children from trauma
• Even when we struggle with attachment, we still show up and try every single day
• We get to choose how we respond, even when circumstances feel overwhelming
• Acknowledging both the beautiful and difficult parts of motherhood helps us find balance

If nobody has told you today, you are doing a good job. It's okay to fail—you can repair. It's okay to struggle—your muscles are getting stronger. Be exactly where you are in the process, doing the best you can with the information and skills you have today.