Trauma leaves clues, and foster and adoptive parents are often the first people to see them clearly. When a child “forgets” what they knew yesterday, melts down at puberty, hoards food under the bed, or shuts down into a blank stare, it can feel personal, defiant, and impossible to untangle. We wanted a map that respects what caregivers live with and explains what’s happening inside the child, not just what’s happening in the room.

Rebecca Harvin sits down with Dr. Frank Putnam, a leading clinical psychiatrist and trauma researcher, to translate decades of longitudinal research on childhood sexual abuse and maltreatment into real-world foster care and adoption support. We talk about accelerated puberty, accelerated biological aging, and how chronic stress compounds across development. We also dig into dissociation and “perplexing forgetfulness,” where a child’s memory and executive function can be state-dependent, making school performance and daily routines swing wildly from day to day.

From there, we get practical. Dr. Putnam explains why kids test safety and how validation can matter more than forcing details. We cover trauma-informed parenting tools drawn from evidence-based approaches like PCIT and the simplified CARE model, with a clear theme: predictable, safe relationships are the strongest lever we have, especially when systems are messy and information is incomplete.

We end with resilience, prevention, and emerging science like epigenetics, plus a crucial reminder: most abused children do not become abusive adults, even though the risk is higher and the stakes are real. If you care about foster parent sustainability, child trauma healing, and adoption-informed mental health, this conversation will give you language, context, and steadier next steps.

If this helped you, subscribe, share it with a foster or adoptive parent, and leave a review so more caregivers can find support when it’s hardest.

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The foster care system asks teenagers to carry adult-sized problems, then expects them to be “ready” on a birthday. That disconnect is where today’s conversation lives, and it’s why I’m so grateful to share the mic with Aubrie Simpson-Gotham, founder and CEO of Fostering Connections in Jacksonville, Florida. She’s building practical support for youth impacted by foster care and adoption, and she’s doing it in a way that treats teens with dignity, honesty, and real-world respect.

We talk about Florida Youth Shine and what happens when youth with lived experience lead the agenda. The issues they raise are not abstract: access to mental health services, the reality of group home placements for teens, and the deep wound of sibling separation in foster care. We also name what so many caregivers and caseworkers feel but rarely get space to say out loud: overwhelm is everywhere, and the gaps are bigger than any one family can patch alone.

Aubrie walks me through how Fostering Connections fills those gaps with career readiness, life skills training, youth leadership, and family empowerment nights. We get specific about financial literacy and budgeting, why teens want these skills earlier than the system often provides, and how peer groups can reduce isolation for youth who feel like no one at school understands. If you care about foster care, adoption support, independent living preparation, or youth advocacy in child welfare, this one will give you both hope and a plan.

Subscribe so you don’t miss the next conversation, share this with someone who supports foster and adoptive families, and leave a review to help more people find Behind the Curtain.

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TPR is supposed to bring clarity, but for a lot of foster and adoptive families it brings a new kind of fog. We’re talking about the space nobody captions on social media: mourning and celebrating at the same time, sitting in a courtroom while a parent loses rights, and walking out knowing a child’s story just changed forever.

Stacy Lasonde joins me for an honest, tender conversation about what it feels like to live between the termination of parental rights and adoption finalization. We unpack the shock of the TPR day itself, the impossible “last visit,” and the strange reality of parenting kids who are legally wards of the state. We also get practical about the decisions that suddenly feel loaded, like whether you hang family photos, buy the bigger car, or make plans when an appeal could still change everything.

Then we go deeper into the internal shift many foster parents don’t expect: foster care can carry an unspoken eject button, and adoption removes it. We talk about responsibility, control, regret, and shame, and why “write a different ending” can be a lifeline when your brain keeps running worst-case scenarios. If you’re navigating foster care adoption, trauma-informed parenting, attachment, or the long wait after TPR, you’ll feel seen here.

If this conversation helped you name your own middle ground, subscribe, share it with a foster parent who needs it, and leave a review so more families can find these stories. What part of the wait is hardest for you right now?

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What if the life you built at the “resort”—easy routines, familiar friends, and tidy plans—suddenly moved you to a private island? That’s how Cayela Moody describes the shift foster care and special needs adoption brought to her family of ten. Together we trace her path from an autism diagnosis that shattered assumptions to a calling that turned hard-won advocacy into a lifeline for kids others often overlook.

Cayela opens up about losing herself in constant service, then choosing to re-center around home when two newly adopted children needed every inch of her attention. She and her husband forged a strategy they call “parenting small,” where each child still gets the presence, activities, and advocacy they’d receive in a smaller family. We talk about late-night teen talks, the quiet math of limited energy, and why visible needs can make your community step back—leaving families to cultivate their own thriving island.

We also get uncomfortably honest about the system. With nearly half of new foster parents quitting within a year, we argue for a braver PRIDE class: one that names the real social costs, the impact on marriage, and the identity shifts before families hit the wall. Yet joy keeps showing up. Cayela shares how watching her husband scoop up a small son with Down Syndrome made her fall in love again, how her teens grew staggeringly compassionate, and how faith turned valleys into classrooms where redemption is only a matter of time.

This conversation blends practical insight with lived grit: choosing kids with developmental diagnoses over unpredictable behaviors, building routines that actually work, and laughing at the small hacks—like reusing Starbucks cups—that keep mornings moving. If you’ve ever wondered how to love well when the world gets smaller, or how to hold both grief and delight without breaking, this story will meet you there.

If this episode resonates, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review so others can find it too. Your support helps more families on their own islands feel seen.

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Grief doesn’t wait for tidy timelines or perfect words. With our friend and adoptive mom Jordan Whitmarsh, we step straight into the deep end: living losses in foster care and adoption, the sudden shock of death, and the quieter goodbyes that linger with no clean ending. We get honest about the myth of “five stages,” why sorrow circles back, and what it takes to build a life that can hold both ache and joy without going numb.

Jordan shares the two paths she’s walked—numbing that “works” until it breaks you, and naming that hurts but heals. We talk EMDR and grief therapy, how hospice taught her to welcome help, and why the body keeps the score with brain fog, sensory overload, and zero margin for scratchy clothes or wrong coffee orders. Along the way, we trade real practices that stabilize the nervous system: simple meals on the porch, soft fabrics on hard days, a friend who folds laundry, worship that tells the truth, and nature that lets your breath deepen again.

Faith threads through this whole conversation, not as a shortcut around pain but as an anchor within it. We push back on spiritual bypassing and make space for lament, anger, and tears—because a God who weeps can meet us in hospital halls, long drives, and the after-hours where casseroles stop coming. For foster and adoptive families, we name grief at milestones and holidays and offer language for the both-and: celebrating firsts while honoring who’s missing.

If you or someone you love is carrying loss, you’ll find tools, companionship, and a kind voice that refuses clichés. Listen, share it with a friend who needs steady company, and if it helps you breathe a little easier, subscribe and leave a review so others can find their way here too.

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We reflect on the move from drowning in caregiver burnout to building a sustainable life in foster care and adoption. We share three pillars—community, recognizing the load you're carrying, and setting the right pace for your family (prioritize rest!) —and a bonus practice for managing our emotional field.

• naming unsustainable patterns at home and work
• defining sustainability independent of perfect conditions
• using awareness and meditation as a starting tool
• my three anchors: intentional fun, beauty, and white space
• finding an honest community to end isolation
• laying down burdens that are not ours to carry
• pacing like an ultra marathon, not a sprint
• practical rest: micro-rests, structural rests, and sleep guardrails
• managing our emotional field with personal reset routines
• reviewing pillars and committing to small, repeatable steps

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What happens when one child feels like home at the door and another, from the same sibling set, feels impossible to love? We open our front door and our hearts to a brutally honest journey through foster care: the instant bond that made love feel effortless, the second placement that brought our family to a breaking point, and the teen whose silence turned a celebration dinner into a night of cold rage and hard truths.

We explore what it means to expand love beyond a feeling. When warmth won’t come on command, action anchors us. That shift—love as a verb—keeps families steady while the nervous system catches up and connection rebuilds in small, faithful steps.

Then we move into the deep end: how to keep showing up when loving hurts. We unpack perception—naming “the story I’m telling myself”—to stop letting untested narratives drive our reactions. We define boundaries that are clear, kind, and enforceable. And, we explore what we really have control of... the quick answer is, on a good day, ourselves! That mix of agency and empathy lets us offer full love while limiting access to the most tender parts of our hearts until safety returns.

If you’re parenting through foster care, adoption, or any hard relationship, this conversation offers practical language, scripts, and a sustainable framework—perception, boundaries, and control—to reduce burnout and keep your care aligned with your values. Subscribe, share this episode with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with one boundary that helped you love well.

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A single keepsake cracked open a lifetime of hidden feeling. When Simon Ben learned that his childhood teddy bear came from his birth mother, a wave of grief and anger surfaced—and so did a clear path to freedom. We sit down with Simon to explore what thriving really means for adoptees and anyone healing from old narratives: being grateful in the highs, graceful in the lows, and far less bothered by being bothered.

Simon shares how Internal Family Systems helped him see parts without becoming them, and why he trusts action over sacred thoughts. We dig into perfectionism, negativity bias, and the pull of the inner critic, plus the practical language that validates kids’ emotions without welding identity to pain. You’ll hear how a simple reframe—“fear came to visit”—can calm storms, and why “I feel” beats “I am” when it comes to healing.

We also get honest about generational context. Many adoptees felt invalidated by parents who lacked today’s trauma literacy; holding harm and goodwill together takes nuance. Simon’s biggest claim may be his most liberating: insights, not time, are the greatest healer. Beneath every story is an unwoundable Self—awareness, presence, wholeness—that trauma can hide but not harm. From that ground, therapy deepens, habits stick, and humor returns.

If you’re navigating adoption, wrestling with identity, or tired of the mental tornado that starts when thoughts judge thoughts, this one offers a map and a mirror. Listen, share with someone who needs a reframe, and tell us the insight you’re taking with you. Subscribe, leave a review, and help more listeners find their way to thriving.

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