We interview Owen Flanagan (James B. Duke Distinguished Professor of Philosophy and professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University) about his recent book How to things with emotions: The morality of anger and shame across cultures. (Princeton University Press). An expansive look at how culture shapes our emotions—and how we can benefit, as individuals and a society, from less anger and more shame

The world today is full of anger. Everywhere we look, we see values clashing and tempers rising, in ways that seem frenzied, aimless, and cruel. At the same time, we witness political leaders and others who lack any sense of shame, even as they display carelessness with the truth and the common good. In How to Do Things with Emotions, Owen Flanagan explains that emotions are things we do, and he reminds us that those like anger and shame involve cultural norms and scripts. The ways we do these emotions offer no guarantee of emotionally or ethically balanced lives—but still we can control and change how such emotions are done. Flanagan makes a passionate case for tuning down anger and tuning up shame, and he observes how cultures around the world can show us how to perform these emotions better.

Through comparative insights from anthropology, psychology, and cross-cultural philosophy, Flanagan reveals an incredible range in the expression of anger and shame across societies. He establishes that certain types of anger—such as those that lead to revenge or passing hurt on to others—are more destructive than we imagine. Certain forms of shame, on the other hand, can protect positive values, including courage, kindness, and honesty. Flanagan proposes that we should embrace shame as a uniquely socializing emotion, one that can promote moral progress where undisciplined anger cannot.

How to Do Things with Emotions celebrates the plasticity of our emotional responses—and our freedom to recalibrate them in the pursuit of more fulfilling lives.

"How to Do Things with Emotions is a welcome corrective to Anglophone philosophy’s tendency to frame Western presumptions as universal. And it presents an appealingly sensible moral program."—Becca Rothfeld, New Yorker

“This is no ordinary book on emotion. Flanagan sees society as ailing, and believes that two emotions, anger and shame, are the problem. He takes us on a tour of philosophical thinking about, and cultural difference in understanding of, emotions, all in the service of convincing us that emotions are things we do. If so, he says, we can learn to do anger and shame differently, and be better off for it. Reading this engaging and well-crafted book gave me hope. What a gift from an author.”—Joseph LeDoux, author of The Deep History of Ourselves: The Four-Billion-Year Story of How We Got Conscious Brains

“This is an urgent book for our times, both inspiring and provocative. Flanagan invites us to work on our emotional style, to tamp down our anger, and to develop a mature and responsible shame. His argument involves a subtle theory of what emotions do and why we can intervene, and considers what culture and anthropology can teach us. We can learn to be different. And we must.”—T. M. Luhrmann, author of When God Talks Back: Understanding the American Evangelical Relationship with God

“In this state-of-the-art account, Flanagan examines the multilevel constitution and cultural diversity of emotions. He builds on the anthropological observation that shame and anger are complex moral emotions—not only felt, but also enacted and performed. In the West, and particularly in post-Trump America, Flanagan contends, ‘we can do shame better.’ Likewise, our ubiquitous rage can be channeled into reasoned, constructive anger. This forcefully argued book takes philosophy into the field.”—Andrew Beatty, author of Emotional Worlds:

ABOUT THE ZEN OF THERAPY

“A warm, profound and cleareyed memoir. . . this wise and sympathetic book’s lingering effect is as a reminder that a deeper and more companionable way of life lurks behind our self-serious stories.”—Oliver Burkeman, New York Times Book Review

A remarkable exploration of the therapeutic relationship, Dr. Mark Epstein reflects on one year’s worth of therapy sessions with his patients to observe how his training in Western psychotherapy and his equally long investigation into Buddhism, in tandem, led to greater awareness—for his patients, and for himself


For years, Dr. Mark Epstein kept his beliefs as a Buddhist separate from his work as a psychiatrist. Content to use his training in mindfulness as a private resource, he trusted that the Buddhist influence could, and should, remain invisible. But as he became more forthcoming with his patients about his personal spiritual leanings, he was surprised to learn how many were eager to learn more. The divisions between the psychological, emotional, and the spiritual, he soon realized, were not as distinct as one might think.
 
In The Zen of Therapy, Dr. Epstein reflects on a year’s worth of selected sessions with his patients and observes how, in the incidental details of a given hour, his Buddhist background influences the way he works. Meditation and psychotherapy each encourage a willingness to face life’s difficulties with courage that can be hard to otherwise muster, and in this cross-section of life in his office, he emphasizes how therapy, an element of Western medicine, can in fact be considered a two-person meditation. Mindfulness, too, much like a good therapist, can “hold” our awareness for us—and allow us to come to our senses and find inner peace.
 
Throughout this deeply personal inquiry, one which weaves together the wisdom of two worlds, Dr. Epstein illuminates the therapy relationship as spiritual friendship, and reveals how a therapist can help patients cultivate the sense that there is something magical, something wonderful, and something to trust running through our lives, no matter how fraught they have been or might become. For when we realize how readily we have misinterpreted our selves, when we stop clinging to our falsely conceived constructs, when we touch the ground of being, we come home.

The rich inner world of a human being is far more complex than either/or. You can love and hate, want to go and want to stay, feel both joy and sadness.

Psychologist William Miller—one of the world's leading experts on the science of change—offers a fresh perspective on ambivalence and its transformative potential in this revealing book. Rather than trying to overcome indecision by force of will, Dr. Miller explores what happens when people allow opposing arguments from their “inner committee members” to converse freely with each other. Learning to tolerate and even welcome feelings of ambivalence can help you get unstuck from unwanted habits, clarify your desires and values, explore the pros and cons of tough decisions, and open doorways to change. Vivid examples from everyday life, literature, and history illustrate why we are so often “of two minds,” and how to work through it.

Reviews

“This is the definitive read on mixed feelings: why we have them, how to change them, and when to accept them. Dr. Miller is a trailblazer in psychology—he combines a scientist’s expertise with a therapist’s empathy, and I have no ambivalence about recommending his book. His wisdom will stay with you long after you’ve finished the last page.”—Adam Grant, PhD, author of Think Again

“I love the way Dr. Miller uses personal stories to show that ambivalence isn't just an abstract phenomenon; it is essential to decision making. Anyone who reads this remarkable book will quickly begin to apply its content to their own life, from pivotal turning points at different junctures in their past to choices they need to make today.”
—Don Kuhl, MS, Founder, The Change Companies

“Dr. Miller skillfully integrates psychological knowledge about ambivalence with delightful examples from literature, theater, history, business, and more. This book offers evidence-based tools for how to examine ambivalence, whether your own or someone else's. Dr. Miller demystifies ambivalence in order to help you make decisions aligned with your values and interests, and move forward with desired changes in your life.”
—Naomi B. Rothman, PhD, Department of Management, Lehigh University

“Reflecting Dr. Miller's expertise and his passion for understanding the human condition, this book takes a deep dive into human decision making. When our choices are loaded with implications, ambivalence can be stressful or even paralyzing. But we can also learn from it. Dr. Miller explains that ambivalence is a virtue, and invites us to think about it in productive new ways.”
—Molly Magill, LICSW, PhD, Brown University School of Public Health

“This is the first book to dive deeply into ambivalence, a basic human condition that every helping professional must learn to address. The book provides concrete examples of what different types of ambivalence look like, so that providers can learn to lean into ambivalence with exploration instead of overlooking it until behavior change is stymied. Miller's unique approach is transtheoretical and practical, providing a useful guide for clinical practice in many domains and contexts. I highly recommend this book for all practitioners hoping to maximize their clients' (and their own) human potential.”
—Sylvie Naar, PhD, Distinguished Endowed Professor, Department of Behavioral Sciences and Social Medicine, College of Medicine, and Director, Center for Translational Behavioral Science, Florida State University

Perspectives on Being and Becoming

Edited ByAmy Schwartz Cooney, Rachel Sopher

"To live or to exist in less than aliveness or deadness. Such is the profound question at the heart of contemporary psychoanalytic theory and treatment and this expertly curated volume brings together the leading writers on the vitalizing possibilities that inhere in contemporary psychoanalytic theory and practice. We encounter patients dominated by states of non-aliveness, absence, dysregulation, trauma and neglect; and clinicians who utilize elements of their own presence, reverie, countertransference and shere courage to facilitate, kindle and ignite life, libido and vitality. Reading this book is an exercise in parallel process: each unique chapter will itself inspire, enliven and vitalize the reader; and will help all clinicians as we struggle with our most difficult and challenging patients." -Robert Grossmark

"Since the Winnicottian and Bionian ontological revolution in psychoanalysis, analysts have been more focused on helping our patients 'to be' than 'to know.' As Winnicott outlined what allows a person to develop a capacity to be, we began to understand more about ways that we are also not allowed to be. A focus on deficits in symbolization, parental absence and deadness have now led to an increasing interest in experiences and metaphors of vitalization. This volume is a gift in helping us to understand how profoundly stark life can 'be' without a sense of aliveness. A talented collection of analysts from the Independent, Kleinian, and Relational traditions contribute to our understanding of this crucial concept in contemporary psychoanalytic theory. These essays probe intersubjective processes of how vitalizing processes emerge, are enacted, and integrated. There is also a keen interest in the kind of object the analyst is becoming in the analytic process, one who can find new parts of the patient’s inner life and play. Schwartz Cooney and Sopher’s volume embodies how analytic concepts such as deadness continue to evolve as key analytic writers bring to the matter their own struggles with finding vitality inside their patients and aliveness within the analytic process." - Steven Cooper

"This is a rich and absorbing book, full of original descriptions of the void and its place in psychopathology. There seem to be myriad ways of arriving at empty states, but even more interestingly, a variety of routes out of them. The clinical accounts are very moving, and read like chapters out of a terrific novel: there is endless patience, endurance, stamina, terrible boredom, suspense and real excitement for patients and analysts alike. Read and enjoy." - Anne Alvarez

"This important volume highlights some of the most essential aspects of human existence: enlivenment, desire, generativity and hope. In highly creative and sophisticated ways, it brings to life critical ideas on therapeutic action, transformation, the capacity for a full existence and the role of psychoanalysis in reviving vitalization." - Dr. Galit Atlas

Amy Schwartz Cooney, Ph.D., is on faculty at the New York University (NYU) Post-Doctoral Program in Psychoanalysis and Psychotherapy. She is on the Board of Directors and is faculty/supervisor at the National Institute for the Psychotherapies (NIP) and at the Stephen Mitchell Center for Relational Studies. She is Joint Editor in Chief of Psychoanalytic Dialogues and is in private practice in New York City.

Rachel Sopher is Board Director, Faculty and Supervisor, National Institute for the Psychotherapies (NIP) Training Institute; Faculty and Supervisor, National Training Program for NIP; and Faculty, Stephen Mitchell Center for Relational Studies. She is Editor-in-Chief of Psychoanalytic Perspectives and maintains a private practice in New York City.