Is it possible to bury something so deep within yourself that it becomes unknowable, even to you? An astonishing memoir that explores how far we will go to protect ourselves, and the healing made possible when we face the secrets that terrify us and begin to share our stories.

For decades, Amy ran. Through the dirt roads of Amarillo, Texas, where she grew up; to the campus of the University of Virginia, as a student athlete; on the streets of New York, where she built her adult life; through marriage, motherhood, and a thriving career. To outsiders, it all looked, in many ways, perfect. But Amy was running from something—a secret she was keeping not only from her family and friends, but unconsciously from herself. “You’re here, but you’re not here,” her daughter said to her one night. “Where are you, Mom?” So began Amy’s quest to solve a mystery trapped in the deep recesses of her own memory—a journey that would take her into the burgeoning field of psychedelic therapy, to the limits of the judicial system, and ultimately, home to the Texas panhandle, where her story began.

In her relentless search for the truth, Griffin probes the pursuit of perfectionism, control, and maintaining appearances that drives so many women, asking the question: When, in our path from girlhood to womanhood, did we learn to look outside ourselves for validation? And what kind of freedom is possible if we accept who we really are? With hope, heart, and honesty, Griffin points a way forward for all of us, revealing the transcendent power of radical truth-telling to deepen our connection to our families—and ourselves.