Don’t worry

The song Don't Worry, Be Happy was written expressly for me. Because if there is nothing to worry about - than I worry about the absence of something to worry about.

I am concerned I may not be getting my point across.... (see what I mean.)

Over the years, I have tried to focus on what gifts I have as an antidote to paralysis. They say comparison is the thief of joy, and they may be right.

However, I am keenly aware that I have many privileges not afforded everyone. My body is not the strongest nor my brain the smartest, but I have good use of both. I am far from rich, but I have been employed steadily since I was old enough to work.

And so I try

even when I worry I will fail-  

because I know there are so many circumstances that would make the act of "trying" impossible for me.

On October 20th I will be hosting another Pop-Up dinner on Grace Farms in Chandler, AZ. It is a farm-to-table event that I am very proud of.

Am I a restauranteur by training or experience? No.

Am I an expert in farms? No.

Basically, do I know what I am doing? Not really.

But in the act of trying, I brought a set of experiences many people have loved into the world.

Those of you who’ve been long term listeners and those of you who have purchased one of our handmade charms –

You’ve helped me in this imperfect journey of mine.

Thank you and I promise that I am trying my best to be worthy of that trust.

And  - don’t worry –

I am doing enough of that for both of us.

I don't think of myself as a violent man, but when I hear:

"You look great..... for 48." 

I get a little nutty. That qualifier sort of negates the compliment, no? 

Am I vain? Ok, so I am vain.

I agree, it is not an attractive quality. And, I am sure that I have some measure of all the 7 deadly sins in my character. 

My oldest daughter is 23 and launching the next phase of her life. I sat with her this week. She is marvelous.

People occasionally compliment me as a parent regarding the quality of my kids’ character.

I assure you, the astounding people they are becoming is born entirely of their own hard work and discipline and openness to the good in the world.

I am very lucky.

I am heading into another birthday. Reflecting on what remains the same about me, and what has changed, it is hard not to feel like I should be better a better version of myself.

What failings I have are not due to a lack of effort. I need to external prodding to remind me to improve the quality of my character everyday.

I am not sure if the next stage of my life will be to take all I have learned in the past half-century and accelerate the pace of my development as a person.

Or will I relax into the mixed bag of good and bad traits that comprise my character.

I am habituated to the struggle of overcoming my shortcomings.

I have no idea where I will land.

But – should you be interested – I will keep you posted.

I have been traveling to big cities these past three weeks. Austin, Chicago and San Diego. 

I have walked to nearly all my meetings on these trips. The number of homeless people seems overwhelmingly high in these places.

Is the number higher than usual?

I can't say.

How to give someone their dignity while keeping a reasonable expectation that I deserve personal space- is a question that nags at me during these encounters.

Walking about 6:3 0 AM in San Diego a woman is ensconced in a restaurant’s doorway. She screams at the top of her lungs:

I WANT ICE CREAM.

She is a woman after my own heart.

I fully recognize that each person I meet carries their own unique story and set of circumstances that brings them to their current state.

I am grateful for my life - so in front of you and the divine - let me be unambiguous that I am aware of how fortunate I am.

There is an arrogance to thinking I can help all these people.

Yet there is a moral cowardice in thinking I am disconnected to them all and I can do nothing about any of their plights.

I have picked my spots over the years.

Buying food here and giving cash there.

I am not sure on what the best course of action we should all take.

I admit I did not do it.

But I hope someone got that girl some ice cream.