Maggie Smith is a poet & writer who found overnight fame when her poem, ‘Good Bones’, went viral on social media in 2016. Later on, her life was to take a further change when her husband of 19 years, and the father of her children, announced he wanted a divorce two years later. Her memoir, You Could Make This Place Beautiful, published in April 2023 – explores the connection between these two events, how become a hit writer led to the breakdown of her marriage – and what could be found in the disruption that followed it all. Throughout it all, Maggie’s love of creativity and solitude has been a constant – something she speaks to me about in this episode. We also talk about finding love in middle age, and the joy of a relationship that’s free from the pressure of milestones.

Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device.

Takeaways

• Alone time can be a positive and restorative experience, especially for creative individuals.
• Being in a relationship that is not working can be lonelier than being alone.
• Financial independence and self-sufficiency are important for personal empowerment.
• There is freedom in choosing a relationship without merging lives and milestones.
• Alone time is essential for creativity and self-reflection.

Chapters

00:00

Introduction and Small Talk

03:33

Exploring the Meaning of Alone

04:27

Aloneness as a Positive and Restorative Experience

05:24

The Irony of Being an Introverted Writer

06:24

The Challenges of Being an Introverted Writer in the Public Eye

08:15

Navigating Life After Divorce

09:43

The Loneliness of Incompatible Partnership

10:41

Living Alone vs. Living Without a Partner

11:36

The Myth of Partnership Solving Loneliness

13:29

The Shift in Attitudes Towards Being Alone

14:52

The Impact of Age on Relationship Choices

16:13

The Pressure to Settle Down and Have Children

17:32

Financial Independence and Self-Sufficiency

18:45

The Liberation of Not Racing Through Relationship Milestones

19:58

The Freedom of Choosing a Relationship Without Merging Lives

21:20

Balancing Independence and Vulnerability

22:48

The Lack of Cultural Models for Non-Traditional Relationships

23:44

The Beauty of Constant Companionship

24:43

The Negative Side of Hyper-Independence

25:39

The Importance of Alone Time for Creativity

27:29

Learning to Accept Help and Support

28:54

Returning to a Special Place for Solitude

31:43

The Restorative Power of Writing Alone

33:09

The Impact of Professional Success on Relationships

35:31

The Evolution of Creativity After Having Children

39:21

The Joy of Having Unstructured Alone Time

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There are certain rites of passage that take place after a major break-up. For some, it’s a hair-cut or a big solo trip, or a regrettable rebound with someone the polar opposite of your ex. My guest this week, Alice Vincent, departed from the cliches: for her, it was growing plants. In her partly autobiographical books, Rootbound and more recently Why Women Grow, Alice chronicles how she came to growing plants as a way to heal and regain a sense of control after a break-up in her late twenties. As her life has changed – Alice is now married with her first child – gardening has remained a constant for her. In this episode, we discuss how Alice has navigated the changes of the past seven years, how gardening has allowed her to maintain a version of independence throughout it, and why she never feels lonely while out in the garden. Later, Alice also shares her tips for beginning your gardening journey by yourself, whether it’s just growing herbs on a windowsill, using a balcony space or joining a community garden. 

Takeaways

• Alone time can be a valuable and fulfilling experience, allowing for personal growth and self-reflection.
• Creating personal space, whether through gardening or other activities, can provide a sense of independence and freedom.
• Navigating relationships and sharing space with a partner requires constant communication and a willingness to compromise.
• Taking time alone, whether through solo trips or dedicated alone time at home, can be rejuvenating and empowering.

00:00

Introduction

04:34

Transition to Writing

06:27

Exploring Alonement

07:43

Defining Alone

09:38

Aloneness in Different Life Stages

10:35

The Luxury of Alone Time

13:04

Navigating Alone Time

14:28

Themes in Rootbound and Why Women Grow

15:21

Finding Solace in Gardening

19:46

Creating Space for Oneself

20:46

Gardening as a Solitary Activity

24:41

The Meditative Nature of Gardening

27:03

Living with a Partner and Maintaining Independence

30:16

The Ambivalence of Sharing Space

34:32

Choosing Relationships on One's Own Terms

38:52

Creating Personal Space

43:37

Tips for Starting a Growing Journey

47:21

Taking Time Alone

50:07

Ultimate Alone Time

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Leslie Stephens is the writer behind Morning Person, a top 10 Substack newsletter that chronicles her life in Portland, Oregon. In August last year, shortly after her 30th birthday, Leslie announced to her readers that she was separating from her husband. Over the past 18 months, she’s chronicled her journey of living by herself for the first time, including her recent solo house purchase – which we chat about in this episode. She also shares her advice – as a former food and lifestyle editor – of establishing a home by yourself, and – crucially – for yourself, rather than designing around the absence of someone else. Whether or not you’re already familiar with Leslie’s work, this conversation is full of gems for any kind of solo living – I hope you get as much from it as I did.

Thank you to our season sponsor Sensate, a palm-sized infrasonic stress and anti-anxiety device. Visit getsensate.com/alonement for 10% off your first device. This season of Alonement was edited by Pineapple Audio Production.

Chapters

00:00

Introduction

01:00

Learning to Make a Home for One

02:25

Designing a Home as a Solo Liver

05:22

The Challenges and Mistakes of Designing Alone

06:47

Designing with a Partner vs Designing Alone

10:59

The Lack of Resources for Solo Living

11:55

Creating Content for Solo Living

13:17

Making Changes in a Solo Living Space

14:44

The Importance of Solitude in Designing a Home

19:44

The Lack of Resources for Designing a First Home Alone

21:08

Building a New Relationship with a Parent

22:32

Navigating the Grey Areas of Life

25:16

Coping with Weekends and Sundays Alone

27:07

Finding Joy in Cooking for One

32:29

Creating Recipes and Experimenting with Cooking Alone

38:11

The Inspiration Behind the Novel 'You're Safe Here'

46:26

Maintaining Solitude in a Relationship

47:45

The Ultimate Alonement: Movement and Stillness

10:00

The Importance of Self-Awareness

20:00

The Role of External Validation

30:00

Navigating Comparison and Social Media

40:00

The Impact of Internal Dialogue

48:40

Conclusion

With a one-off payment of £5, you can listen to the Alonement podcast ad-free. https://plus.acast.com/s/alonement.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.