Divorce doesn’t unfold in a straight line it comes in waves. In this episode Tracy Callahan is joined by Tamara Arnold family law attorney mediator DCA certified ADR divorce coach and creator of DivorceWave to explore what really happens between sessions when clients are triggered overwhelmed and at risk of escalating conflict.

They discuss the gap between when conflict happens and when support is available how emotional dis-regulation impacts decision making and communication and why creating pause awareness and simple tools is essential for better outcomes. Tamara shares how DivorceWave can help clients regulate process emotions and respond more intentionally in real time while supporting the work coaches are already doing.

Timecodes
00:00 Welcome and introduction to conflict in divorce
02:00 Why divorce unfolds in emotional waves
04:20 The disconnect between support and real life moments
06:20 Common reactive decisions that escalate conflict
09:15 The importance of pause and emotional regulation
11:40 Limits of attorneys mediators and therapists in real time
14:20 Recognizing and interrupting conflict patterns
18:20 Introducing the DivorceWave app
25:15 How coaches can use DivorceWave with clients
28:20 Rethinking support between sessions

Key Takeaways
Conflict in divorce happens between sessions not during them
Emotional triggers override logic and lead to reactive decisions
Creating space before responding is one of the most powerful tools
Pattern awareness is the first step to breaking conflict cycles
Clients need real time tools not just scheduled support
DivorceWave helps extend support beyond sessions in practical accessible ways

Divorce coaching conflict resolution emotional regulation during divorce co parenting conflict divorce mediation support divorce coaching tools managing divorce stress high conflict divorce help mindfulness divorce divorce coach resources

DivorceWave is an on demand digital divorce coach designed to support your clients between sessions when they need it most. Whether they are triggered by an angry text from their Ex spiraling at 2 AM or heading into a tough conversation DivorceWave gives them tools to regulate strategize and move forward in the moment when it counts.
Get started DivorceWave.com and click the link to "Try Divorce Wave for Free"

Special Offers Mentioned in This Episode

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Struggling with communication during divorce? You're not alone and it's not just about what’s being said.

In this episode of the Divorce Coaches Academy podcast, Debra Doak explains why communication breaks down during divorce conflict and what’s really happening beneath the surface when conversations escalate. From emotional flooding and mismatched conflict styles to defensive listening and unspoken expectations, this episode breaks down the five key reasons communication fails—and how to fix it.

Whether you're a divorce coach, mediator, or navigating divorce yourself, you’ll gain practical tools to improve communication, reduce conflict, and make better decisions during one of life’s most challenging transitions.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How emotional triggers impact communication in divorce
• Why conflict styles (pursuer vs. avoider) create tension
• The importance of active listening in high-conflict conversations
• How assumptions and expectations fuel misunderstandings
• Strategies divorce coaches use to help clients communicate effectively

If you're looking to reduce conflict, improve co-parenting communication, or support clients through divorce, this episode is a must-listen.

Keywords: divorce communication, conflict resolution in divorce, divorce coaching, co-parenting communication, high conflict divorce, emotional flooding, communication breakdown, divorce support, divorce coach training, managing conflict in relationships

In this episode of the Divorce Coaches Academy Podcast, Tracy Callahan is joined by Jacinta Gallant to explore how curiosity can be used as a conflict intervention in divorce. Together, they discuss why certainty, blame, and defensiveness often escalate conflict, and how targeted curiosity can help individuals make better decisions, communicate more effectively, and move through divorce with greater self-awareness.

This conversation is especially valuable for divorce coaches, mediators, family law professionals, and anyone navigating divorce conflict. If you want a deeper understanding of conflict resolution in divorce, divorce coaching, and curiosity in mediation, this episode offers practical insight into a more thoughtful and effective approach.

Key Takeaways

• Curiosity can interrupt defensiveness and reduce conflict escalation.
• Certainty about being right or fair often blocks productive communication.
• Divorce is not just a legal process. It is a conflict process.
• Many traditional divorce and mediation models overlook the relational dynamics driving conflict.
• Divorce coaches play an important role in helping clients build self-awareness and engage more effectively in difficult conversations.

Chapters

• 00:00 The Role of Curiosity in Conflict Resolution
• 06:32 Insight Approach to Conflict
• 19:17 Limits of Professional Roles in Developing Curiosity
• 28:26 Development of Resources for Self-Discovery and Conflict Engagement

This episode of the Divorce Coaches Academy® Podcast explores one of the most overlooked dimensions of divorce: a child’s lived experience inside the conflict process.

While parents navigate legal decisions, emotional strain, and uncertainty, there is often a well-intended instinct to protect children by minimizing what they see or feel. But what happens when that protection becomes silence—and a child’s experience goes unacknowledged?

Tracy is joined by Carolyn Jacobs—certified divorce and co-parenting coach, parenting plan mediator, and DCA® Certified ADR Divorce Coach—to examine the critical distinction between shielding children from conflict and unintentionally disconnecting from their reality. Together, they unpack how children process what they sense versus what they’re told, the risks of “holding it together,” and how parents can model emotional honesty without placing emotional weight on the child.

Grounded in DCA®’s framing of divorce as a conflict and communication process, this conversation highlights how parent-child communication during divorce shapes a child’s long-term ability to navigate relationships, conflict, and self-expression. The episode also offers practical insight for professionals supporting parents who may be unintentionally minimizing their child’s experience—and how to begin repairing that dynamic.

The conversation extends into a broader lens on civil discourse, exploring how what happens inside the home directly influences a child’s ability to engage with difference and disagreement outside of it.

Carolyn also shares more about her upcoming Conversations that Contribute Series event: Fostering Civil Discourse Among Youth: A Conversation with Dr. Michael Saini. This 60-minute virtual event will take place on Wednesday, April 15, 2026 at 4 PM ET (1 PM PT / 3 PM CT), with tickets available for $10. Hosted by Ally in Divorce, the conversation supports Kids Managing Conflict, a nonprofit dedicated to strengthening peer mediation programs in schools. Register Here

This is a nuanced and highly relevant conversation for divorce professionals, parents, and anyone invested in how the next generation learns to navigate conflict—with clarity, empathy, and integrity.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com

Instagram: www.divorcecoachesacademy/divorcecoachesacademy

LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy

Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

The moment a divorcing client looks at us and says, “Just tell me what to do,” it can feel almost cruel not to step in with the answer. But that impulse is exactly where ethics, skill, and real transformation live. We sit down with Andrea Hips, LBSW and certified divorce coach, to talk about power, agency, and why “being the expert” can quietly become the fastest way to take power away from the person we’re trying to help.

We get specific about the difference between power and control, and why divorce makes people chase certainty like it’s oxygen. When a client clings to one outcome, we unpack what they’re really reaching for: safety, stability, and relief from overwhelm. From there we move into practical coaching tools for conflict-informed divorce coaching and alternative dispute resolution minded support, including how to slow down decisions under legal pressure, how to build distress tolerance, and how to help clients act wisely while uncertainty stays right beside them.

We also name the subtle ways coaches can unintentionally influence choices through tone, affirmations, and question framing. Andrea shares a simple North Star: there are many right answers, and hindsight isn’t something you can buy today. Protecting client agency is not a “nice to have” in divorce coaching, it’s the standard that builds capacity, reduces escalation, and helps clients leave coaching stronger than they arrived.

If you care about ethical divorce coaching, client autonomy, and decision making in high-conflict divorce, listen through and take notes. Subscribe, share this with a coach or friend going through divorce, and leave a review with the biggest shift you’re taking from the conversation.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

The conversation delves into the foundational principles of dispute resolution, emphasizing the importance of self-actualization and the role of divorce coaches in supporting growth and development. It highlights the value of presence and process, the need to tolerate slower progress for alignment, and the challenge of recognizing and managing personal discomfort in the process.

Takeaways

• Self-actualization is essential in dispute resolution
• The value of presence and process in supporting growth and development

Chapters

• 00:00 Foundational Principles of Dispute Resolution
• 06:09 Recognizing the Need for Self-Actualization
• 12:11 Value of Presence and Process
• 17:52 Recognizing and Managing Personal Discomfort

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

These days everyone is talking about high conflict divorce, but is it always the other party? Today we thought we’d talk about those times when your client is contributing to the conflict and discuss some strategies for helping them identify when they’re getting in their own way.

Have you heard the saying “it takes two to tango”? That may be true in dance, but in divorce, one person can change the routine. That’s where divorce coaches have the opportunity to help clients recognize when they might be falling into old patterns of conflict that are ineffective.

When we think of times when out client may be the one creating conflict or throwing fuel on the fire, we're reminded of Taylor Swift's song Anti-Hero. The lyrics say:

Me, hi, I'm the problem, it's me
At tea time, everybody agrees
I'll stare directly at the sun but never in the mirror

It can be difficult for clients to look in the mirror and accept the reality that poor emotional management, ineffective communication, lack of boundaries, unrealistic expectations, and short-term thinking are dialing up the conflict.

As professional divorce coaches, you have a variety of tools you can use to help clients see more clearly. While they may not be able to control their spouse's or co-parent's behavior, they can choose not the throw fuel on the fire. We discuss the stop, drop and roll strategy; BIFF, EAR, and GREATT communication strategies, reality testing, impact assessment, and exploring locus of control.

Martin Luther King, Jr has a famous quote that we adapted slightly here that perfectly reflects this idea that one person can change the dance of conflict:

“[Humans] are called upon not to be like a thermometer conforming to the temperature of [conflict], but [they] must be like a thermostat serving to transform the temperature of [conflict]”.


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

Let's just sum up this episode by saying that self-reflection can be a bitch. As divorce coaches, we frequently ask clients to examine their own unproductive behaviors or thought patterns, consider alternative perspectives, or take actions that feel difficult or scary. This process of pushing clients outside of their comfort zone is what Debra calls a "love shove".

And it's not uncommon for clients to have a reaction, sometimes an angry one, when we ask them to get uncomfortable - especially when it involves reflecting on their own choices, behaviors, or expectations.

In this episode we explore 3 common responses (shut down, push back, and disconnect) that you might get from clients when you've given them a love shove and how you can handle each of them.

Spoiler alert: in most cases, an apology on your part is not warranted. They hired you because what they're doing isn't working and they need your help to make a change. Their reaction to your love shove is typically about their resistance to change and not about your competence or your intention.

When this happens, the first step is always for you to do your own reflective practice. Review the coaching session, how you showed up as a coach, your intentions, and your process. Assuming you stayed in your coaching zone, then we discuss ways to respond to the 3 common client reactions:

Shut down: Lean into their reaction and ask what's going on with them - don't ignore or step over the non-verbal cues
Push back: Acknowledge their anger and clarify how you can present these issues to them in the future in a way they can receive it better
Disconnect: Give them space to sit with their own feelings until they're ready to re-engage - you don't need to fix it for them

What you've been presented with is an opportunity - a chance to model for them what healthy conflict resolution and relationship repair looks like. Stay in your personal power, allow them to have their feelings, and move toward more effective future communication.

Remember that growth is uncomfortable. If your clients occasionally have strong reactions to your reality testing, managing expectations, or love shoves, that means you're doing your job well. Don't panic.


You can learn more about DCA™ or find out about any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/company/divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com