The moment a divorcing client looks at us and says, “Just tell me what to do,” it can feel almost cruel not to step in with the answer. But that impulse is exactly where ethics, skill, and real transformation live. We sit down with Andrea Hips, LCSW and certified divorce coach, to talk about power, agency, and why “being the expert” can quietly become the fastest way to take power away from the person we’re trying to help.

We get specific about the difference between power and control, and why divorce makes people chase certainty like it’s oxygen. When a client clings to one outcome, we unpack what they’re really reaching for: safety, stability, and relief from overwhelm. From there we move into practical coaching tools for conflict-informed divorce coaching and alternative dispute resolution minded support, including how to slow down decisions under legal pressure, how to build distress tolerance, and how to help clients act wisely while uncertainty stays right beside them.

We also name the subtle ways coaches can unintentionally influence choices through tone, affirmations, and question framing. Andrea shares a simple North Star: there are many right answers, and hindsight isn’t something you can buy today. Protecting client agency is not a “nice to have” in divorce coaching, it’s the standard that builds capacity, reduces escalation, and helps clients leave coaching stronger than they arrived.

If you care about ethical divorce coaching, client autonomy, and decision making in high-conflict divorce, listen through and take notes. Subscribe, share this with a coach or friend going through divorce, and leave a review with the biggest shift you’re taking from the conversation.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

The conversation delves into the foundational principles of dispute resolution, emphasizing the importance of self-actualization and the role of divorce coaches in supporting growth and development. It highlights the value of presence and process, the need to tolerate slower progress for alignment, and the challenge of recognizing and managing personal discomfort in the process.

Takeaways

• Self-actualization is essential in dispute resolution
• The value of presence and process in supporting growth and development

Chapters

• 00:00 Foundational Principles of Dispute Resolution
• 06:09 Recognizing the Need for Self-Actualization
• 12:11 Value of Presence and Process
• 17:52 Recognizing and Managing Personal Discomfort

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We dig beneath “the house,” “the money,” and “Wednesday” to reveal the real drivers of divorce conflict: power, fear, identity, and control. With Allison McFadden, we map skills that shift clients from positional fights to values-based choices they can live with.

• why surface conflict hides deeper fears and identity needs
• moving from positions to interests for better options
• invisible power dynamics in process, timing, and voice
• building perceived psychological power and steady presence
• fear, defensiveness, and how they close doors
• designing protocols and parenting tools to prevent repeat fights
• choosing language that de-escalates and humanizes
• avoiding professional missteps that entrench conflict
• redefining success as durable, client-owned agreements

If you're feeling that poll, whether you're an attorney, mediator, therapist, financial professional, or someone exploring the path to becoming a divorce coach, we have an upcoming certification beginning soon. So we've got a New Zealand cohort beginning in March, and we have both the United States and Canada cohorts beginning in April. These programs are intentionally designed not just to teach you the knowledge required to be a divorce coach within the dispute resolution field, but to give you the experiential hands-on training through mentorship and the practice required actually to be able to do the work because it's one thing to learn about it, it's another thing to do it. And information builds awareness, practice builds competence, and mentorship builds confidence. Our certification programs are grounded inside that ADR framework. And if you are a practicing divorce coach but trained somewhere else and you want to deepen your skill set or operate at a different level within the ADR community, our Elevate program was designed specifically for that purpose.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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We dig into how clear, consistent messaging helps divorce coaches cut through noise, educate the market, and build real authority without slipping into self‑promotion. Jason Harper joins us to share a practical playbook for clarity of purpose, audience fit, and sustainable cadence.

• messaging as a professional competency, not an optional add‑on
• clarity of purpose across layers: educate, validate, and seed ideas
• defining your audience and where they actually listen
• choosing platforms that match your strengths and voice
• building a breadcrumb trail that validates credibility
• service‑first content vs personal narrative as the lead
• practical examples that show outcomes, not hype
• consistency, cadence, and durability over vanity metrics
• differentiating divorce coaching for the wider public
• ethics, boundaries, and professionalization of the field

If this conversation resonated with you, please share it with a colleague or continue these discussions within your professional community

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

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We break down escalation loops in co‑parenting, why they entrench, and how divorce coaches can interrupt them with practical, evidence‑informed tools. We share the pause protocol, BIF writing, nervous‑system resets, and real‑time awareness checks that end reactive volleys and protect the long game.

• definition of escalation loops and why they persist in divorce
• reactive communication and negative reciprocity mechanics
• amygdala hijack and dysregulation as baseline conditions
• pattern entrenchment and confirmation bias reinforcing the story
• the pause protocol as an active strategy
• choosing structured channels and using BIF for concise replies
• loop awareness questions to stop mid‑exchange
• regulate first, respond second using body‑based tools
• reframing the real goal from winning arguments to stable co‑parenting
• the coach’s role as steady, strategic partner

If today’s episode was useful to you, please share it with a colleague, leave a review wherever you listen to your podcast, or come find me at the DCA community. And if you would like to learn more about the training we provide to support the professional practice of divorce coaches, please check us out at divorcecoachesacademy.com

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

We explore why love and conflict can coexist during divorce and how skill, not intention, changes outcomes. We show how awareness, regulation, and alignment transform automatic reactions into choices that protect kids and shape a healthier family system.

• acknowledging care while choosing to leave
• love as orientation, not conflict strategy
• conditioned patterns and nervous system activation
• awareness of triggers and pre‑reaction cues
• regulation tools that create space and choice
• alignment of behavior with future goals
• shifting family dynamics by changing one response
• redefining love as practiced stability and restraint

If you are interested in learning more about the professional practice of divorce coaching as a form of dispute resolution, please do not hesitate to check us out at Divorce CoachesAcademy.com

This episode includes a sponsored segment featuring Soberlink, a court-recognized alcohol monitoring system designed to support families navigating divorce and co-parenting. Soberlink provides objective, real-time accountability that helps reduce conflict, increase trust, and support safer parenting arrangements when alcohol use is a concern. Learn more about Soberlink and their professional resources at soberlink.com.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com

Send Us a Message (include your contact info if you'd like a reply)

The loudest stories are getting the clicks, but are they serving clients? In this episode, we dig into a growing trend in divorce coaching—marketing that centers personal divorce and betrayal narratives—and examine how story-first positioning blurs boundaries, preloads expectations, and weakens trust with clients and referral partners.

Lived experience can spark a calling, yet without training, supervision, and clear standards of practice, narrative becomes a substitute for competence instead of context for care.

We share a colleague’s candid market signal about boundary issues on social platforms and unpack why it matters for a profession that’s maturing under increased scrutiny. From the collapse of experience and expertise to the downstream effects on decision quality, we map the operational risks when coaches promise resonance over results.

We also take a hard look at narrative-led training programs that elevate a founder’s story into “methodology,” and we explain how that shift erodes self-regulation, turns certification into symbolism, and confuses consumers who cannot see the difference between ADR-aligned coaching and scaled storytelling.

Then we offer a path forward. We outline how to right-size personal stories—context, not credential—and restore professional sequencing: my experience led me here, and my training allows me to help you. We argue for parity with family law professions where credibility rests on ethics, restraint, and competency, not disclosure.

Expect practical framing you can use today, including a simple audit question for your website and messaging: if your personal story vanished, would your professional value still be clear? The future of divorce coaching depends on discipline over drama and structure over spectacle; clarity compounds trust.

If this conversation resonates, subscribe, share with a colleague, and leave a review. Your feedback helps push the profession toward higher standards and better outcomes for clients navigating divorce.

Learn more about DCA® or any of the classes or events mentioned in this episode at the links below:

Website: www.divorcecoachesacademy.com
Instagram: @divorcecoachesacademy
LinkedIn: divorce-coaches-academy
Email: DCA@divorcecoachesacademy.com