This polar bear has had it with global warming ruining its habitat, Can it flip the tables on humanity?

Dear Evil Engineer,

I am a resentful and wealthy polar bear. You can only imagine the trauma my species has experienced; it wasn’t long after the hunting stopped that our habitat started melting away into the ocean. We’re sick to the (very large) teeth with humans and it is finally time to exact revenge. Is it possible to engineer the climate to send Earth into a permanent winter?

Yours
A polar bear

A lovestruck villain would like to engineer the ideal romantic gift.

Dear Evil Engineer,

For 35 years, I have considered myself a strong, independent villain who doesn’t need a partner in crime, but I have recently become smitten with someone I met at my local farmers’ market. She is gorgeous, funny, has a fluffy white cat, and makes the best beetroot cupcakes I’ve ever tasted. She has invited me to go horse riding with her next weekend.

I think this date is a great opportunity to impress her. I’d like to craft her a meaningful gift, which makes the most of my skillset as an evil scientist: a unicorn. Would this be overkill on a first date? And if not, could you suggest how I can create a unicorn in time for my date?

Yours,

A starry-eyed villain

This month, the Evil Engineer breaks some bad news to a villain who wants to live out their retirement like El Dorado.

Dear Evil Engineer,

After a long and lucrative career in real estate, I am ready to put my wealth to good use. I would like to build myself a castle from gold, à la El Dorado. When I say gold, I should specify that I mean solid gold, not gold leaf. I didn’t spend 50 years exploiting my workers, squashing my competition beneath falling pianos, fibbing to regulators, and siphoning off my employees’ pension to live out my retirement like a poseur in a shiny concrete chateau.

I am conveniently very rich, so money is no object. However, there may be technical impediments that I should take into account. To what extent will the tedious laws of nature force me to compromise on my dream retirement project?

Yours,

No relation to other noteworthy gold-loving villains