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0:08 Welcome to the life against the green podcast. I'm your host, Nikki Marie, a wife, mother, mental health advocate, and generational wellness coach, if you aren't ready to redesign your life according to your desires and your morals, but you feel trapped by the constraints of society and inherited beliefs, then you are in the right place. I want this podcast to serve as a safe space to explore, evaluate and envision your own blueprint for life. So let's get into 0:44 Hello, hello, hello. Come on in, take your jacket off and stay a while. I'm your host, Nikki Marie, and today we will be diving into self worth. And specifically being enough in today's episode. I am so enough. It's disgusting. me as a woman, I know that I've always questioned my worthiness for many different reasons. And now in my 30s is when I'm realizing I get to say, if I'm enough, I grew out of needing to be enough for other people or for other things. Am I enough for me? Is the question I asked myself every day. So if you also ask yourself that question, I want you to say this with me. I am enough. No, no, no, no, no. You're said a little too quiet. I need you to say with the chips. Repeat after me. I am enough. There we go. I bet you that feels so much better now that you're already telling yourself that you're enough. Today I want to go over reasons why we would think we're not enough. What has happened to us that maybe makes us think Oh man, I'm not enough for this. I'm not enough for that. I'm not worthy of getting these things because of XYZ. Reason number one, you are trying to meet someone else's expectations. Example. You did something for someone. And instead of praising what you've done, they point out what you haven't done. As a child, I know I've experienced these moments. And I don't blame my mother or anything like that. She was a mother getting through the day, making sure everything was done. But I I collected a thought of unworthiness, from moments like the one I'm about to share. When I was young, my mom had moved to a new apartment, and I stood with my father during the summer. when school started, I went back to the house with my mother. I was so excited to be there that I decided I wanted to clean the bathroom. I went inside the bathroom, I'm about maybe 10 years old, I'm in fifth grade. So I'm so excited to clean the bathroom, show her what I got. And I'm on my hands and knees, Ajax scrubbing inside that tub, I'm wiping the walls, I'm doing all kinds of stuff. I was super, super proud about the job that I just accomplished, which I should have been. And when my mother came into check my work, my heart sunk. Like I said, again, I don't blame her these, these are just moments that happen. And moments like these are where we start to build our beliefs on. But we don't have to believe what those moments are telling us. But in that moment, she looked around in the bathroom and said, Oh, you forgot to pick up that towel. And you didn't move that. And my whole excitement just dropped because of my excitement for the scrub clean toilet, the sparkling clean tub. It all went out the window because I didn't measure up to something that someone else expected of me. And that's a perfect example of trying to meet someone else's expectations. But when you don't meet their expectations, you believe you are enough. You are not worthy of more. When that's not the case. It's just they were expecting something and you delivered what you give and that is fine. Number two, having unrealistic expectations of yourself, like setting a huge goal in an unrealistic timeframe and then getting so frustrated with yourself, because you didn't make it. So way back in 2010, after I had my third child, I was home with my kids. And I needed something I needed something to do. Outside of being a mother, I needed something to get excited about. So I decided I wanted to open up an online boutique. Everybody was doing all different kinds of tutus and things like that. And I was like, Oh, wow, that looks so cute. I would love to try to do that. So I went ahead, and I decided, I'm gonna make this business. 5:39 I started buying materials, started playing, having people place orders, I had two twos, I was crocheting Baby Hats. I was making hair barrettes with ribbon and bows. I was doing a lot of different things that I just learned in that moment. And I was trying to run a business while learning it. And when I started to have production problems with meeting the timeframes that I needed to get done, and my work started becoming more low quality, I'm not gonna lie, because I was rushing or I was I was just like, Okay, I need to get it done, rather than having the passion that I wanted to have when I first started. And when it started going a different way. And I started feeling frustrated and overwhelmed. I was like, wow, this is not for me, like, I'm not good at this. I shouldn't be in sales. I shouldn't be on social media. I shouldn't be ...