Elise and I pick up our conversation from part one of her instant New York Times bestseller On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good.

In this episode, we take our conversation further and deeper, unpacking the sins of Envy and Sloth and their effect on women.

It’s rare I can talk to someone who understands the various perspectives on body image (including the ones where it has nothing to do with one’s body size) so it was a real treat to go to the depths. This includes why body positivity often misses the mark in supporting women’s relationship with their body. 

In our interview today, we discuss:

• The changing nature of what defines enough food “restriction” (Kate Moss’ 90’s heroine chic wasn’t the end!)
• The unconscious yearnings in feeling light and “high” from restricting food to feeling heavy and “low” from binging
• Why it’s important to pay attention to your envy and judgment of other women, including their bodies
• How scarcity and the sin of Sloth drive women to rush, overwork, and overdo
• The two sins no one has asked about in all her interviews and what’s the one thing she wishes would happen with her book that hasn’t.

About Elise

Elise Loehnen is a writer, editor, and podcast host who lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Rob, and their two sons, Max and Sam. She is the host of Pulling the Thread, a podcast focused on pulling apart the stories we tell about who we are—and then putting those threads back together. 

She’s also the author of the instant New York Times bestseller On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good (Dial Press/PRH). The book weaves together history, memoir, and cultural criticism to explore the ways patriarchy lands in the bodies of women and embeds itself in our consciousness—and what we then police in ourselves and in each other. 

Regardless of our religious provenance, the self-denial implicit in each of the Seven Deadly Sins—Sloth, Envy, Pride, Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Anger—reads like a checklist of what it means to be a “good” woman. With awareness, we can begin to recognize these patterns of self-restriction, break the story, and move ourselves and each other toward freedom and balance.

Elise is a frequent contributor to Oprah, and has written for The New York Times, Elle Decor, Stylist, and more.

Mentioned in this Episode

Truce Coaching Certification (TCC)
Free TCC Sneak Peak

Why Am I Eating This Now Live?

A Cookie Isn’t Just a Cookie: Stop Stress Eating (free workshop on September 13, 2023)

Annually, Elise Loehnen’s parents would weigh themselves in a vigilant effort to stay within five to ten pounds of their marriage weight. When Elise went away to boarding school, this culture further normalized eating vigilance and restriction as necessary. 

Then in her early career at Lucky Magazine, where she was often photographed, restricting her food in attempts to be a sample size at 5 ‘10 seemed like the obvious choice to stay on the path of acceptance and “goodness”. 

Then came a stint as goop’s content manager where she was immersed in the wellness industry’s gospel of “clean eating”, today’s socially acceptable term for restriction. 

And now, in her instant New York Times’ best seller book, On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good (Dial Press/PRH), Elise brilliantly connects how the sin of gluttony - not science - forms a tapestry of misguided restriction norms that have serious consequences for our food, bodies, and health. 

In our interview today, we dive deep into Elise’s Gluttony chapter to discuss:

• The meta-physical invitation in Elise’s breathlessness
• The placebo and nocebo influence of the BMI, exercise that counts, and thinking about your weight
• The difference between hunger instincts and intuition to more clearly hear your appetite
• How the cultural “good” body story creates blindspots and accompanying health risks no matter what your body size (and how to think differently to see these blindspots)
• What’s up with wanting to look disciplined yet effortless with your food and physique (asking for myself after not effortlessly losing my pregnancy weight)?
• About Elise

Elise Loehnen is a writer, editor, and podcast host who lives in Los Angeles with her husband, Rob, and their two sons, Max and Sam. She is the host of Pulling the Thread, a podcast focused on pulling apart the stories we tell about who we are—and then putting those threads back together. 

She’s also the author of the instant New York Times bestseller On Our Best Behavior: The Seven Deadly Sins and the Price Women Pay to Be Good (Dial Press/PRH). The book weaves together history, memoir, and cultural criticism to explore the ways patriarchy lands in the bodies of women and embeds itself in our consciousness—and what we then police in ourselves and in each other. 

Regardless of our religious provenance, the self-denial implicit in each of the Seven Deadly Sins—Sloth, Envy, Pride, Gluttony, Greed, Lust, Anger—reads like a checklist of what it means to be a “good” woman. With awareness, we can begin to recognize these patterns of self-restriction, break the story, and move ourselves and each other toward freedom and balance.

Elise is a frequent contributor to Oprah, and has written for The New York Times, Elle Decor, Stylist, and more.

Mentioned in this Episode

Truce Coaching Certification (TCC)
Free TCC Sneak Peak

Why Am I Eating This Now Live?

A Cookie Isn’t Just a Cookie: Stop Stress Eating (free workshop on September 13, 2023)

Part of what’s been hard for me the last three years was I didn’t understand how drastically the hormonal shifts that start for women around 35 and accelerate in our mid-40s affects ALL THE THINGS.

And I’m someone who knows that our physiology and psychology are in a constant feedback loop. 

Yet because perimenopause and menopause are women\'s health issues, they don’t get the attention they deserve. Nor do doctor’s really understand them all that well (the horror stories I hear from clients ‍).

I’m doing my part to change that with this special Insatiable episode. I’m sharing the major nutrition and exercise realities I wish I knew about perimenopause and menopause. 

I had to learn about them through a lot of suffering with plantar fasciitis, insomnia, irritation/anger/rage, and grappling with significant weight gain that felt like it came out of nowhere.
​
While some menopause symptoms are inevitable, there\'s also a lot you can do to reduce and better manage symptoms through this profound threshold and beyond.

In this podcast, I discuss:

• How decreases in estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone affect your nutrition and exercise needs and why what worked before 40 often backfires now (and what I did to lose 20 pounds).

• The 2 key nutrition shifts I needed to make and why adding more of these foods in is more important than ever for your health and weight

• Why women need carbs at this stage (especially at night), a starting point of how many carbs you need, and the best time to eats something sweet if you’re struggling with sleep

• Why Intermittent Fasting (IF) often backfires and things to consider if you want to experiment with IF (and how eating a snack before bed actually helped my insomnia for a year!)

• The biggest exercise shift I made to support my health, weight, and peace of mind

• The simple lifestyle shift I didn’t know I needed to support my insomnia

Episode Links

Free Health Coaching Disruption Hour for Rebel Practitioners

Free Truce with Food community gatherings

Truce Coaching Certification

On Our Best Behavior by Elise Loehnen

While Laura McKowen is known for her work around alcohol sobriety, her first coping strategy was food.

Like Laura, I have many clients who come to me where their first “thing” was food. And after getting sober or soberish, their eating issues return or becomes a “thing”.

In this special Insatiable episode, we apply the wisdom Laura writes about in her new book to food, body image, and the overlap with alcohol.

We discuss:

1. How Laura’s original coping mechanism was bingeing and the overlapping and distinct root causes between her food and alcohol struggles
   
2. Why stopping bad habits like alcohol and battling food is different than starting new habits and how you change has to shift to what Laura discusses as “being willing to be led”
   
3. Grief from the loss of using alcohol, food, and the fantasies they offer 
4. How wanting to be saved, desired, and chosen fueled Laura’s alcohol and body image issues and the deep work she did to heal and now be in a healthy relationship
   
5. How Laura views sobriety as an invitation into a “Bigger Yes” (we also discuss the pushback at this suggestion and how it’s even more politically incorrect to say your body battle is an invitation into a “Bigger Yes”)
   
6. The connection between eating disorders, alcohol use disorder, and sensitive, empathetic, and perceptive people (and their nervous systems), and where they need to push off too.
   

Buy a copy of Laura’s new book, Push Off From Here: Nine Essential Truths to Get You Through Sobriety (And Everything Else)  at https://www.lauramckowen.com/books or wherever you buy your favorite books.

Dr. Michelle Segar, one of the more progressive health behavioral change experts, says sustainable behavior change with eating and exercise is not a product of rule-following.

In other words, trying so hard to perfectly stick to a plan is not an effective goal or strategy. Rather, we need to learn flexibility. Because life is much more unpredictable these days. Anyone like me who sends their child to daycare knows this deep in their bones!

We also need to learn how to experiment to see what actually works in this stage of our lives. Not what worked 20 years ago when our stress was minimal. Or now, in the menopausal transition. 

How does one learn this flexibility and trust in imperfect action, which often just feels like guilt and shame for “being bad”?

I brought on my clients Whitnee and Erin to share their Truce with Food journey of how they learned to listen to their bodies to figure out what really works for them now and effectively experiment to reach their health and wellness goals.

In today’s episode we discuss,

• The importance of finding fun and magic in our goal pursuits, not just the accomplishment outcome
  
• The Catholic and Christian influences that formed both their stories and struggles to be “good”
  
• How Whitnee finally made a “Truce” with her dairy intolerance after years of the restrict-over do it cycle.
  
• How Whitnee and Erin both learned to be flexible with their exercise goals given Erin’s back pain and Whitnee’s knee pain, COVID, and then plantar fasciitis 
  
• The challenge and freedom of growth mindset (ie.“trusting the process”) and how they set and work towards their goals now
  

Mentioned in this episode

SMART Goals: How They Sabotage Eating and Exercise Goals workshop (free, 1/11/23)

Truce with Food 2023: Registration runs 1/9-1/20. Save $500 in this once a year program when you register by January 16.

Erintusa.com

@trainwithtusa

When I surveyed my newsletter readers back In the April, a common survey response theme was:

“I feel uncomfortable in my body and feel ridiculous that I am focused on this when there is so much else that is so much more important to deal with.”

I sooo get this. I felt this way about my own weight struggles in the 9/11, U.S. invasion of Iraq-era. And today’s world issues feel much more urgent and complex.

Yet what I’ve discovered is that tending to our body discomfort is not ridiculous. With a holistic and root cause resolution approach like Truce with Food, our body discomfort reveals a values gap of what we say matters and what how we are actually living. And this values gap matters deeply right now. 

Collectively, we understand “normal” isn’t working; “bottom up” changes in how we spend our time, money, and energy matter if we want to create a new, healthier normal.

To illustrate what this values-gap driven body discomfort looks like to work through, my Truce with Food clients Charlotta and Margaret Louise are here to share their journey of self-authoring their values for more psychological safety and a radically different relationship to food and themselves. 

In today’s episode, we discuss:

1. A deeper understanding of how to embody safety to increase resilience and decrease out of control eating.
2. How systems like capitalism and patriarchy, which value control, unknowingly molded our collective values and the personal values each of us had to change.
3. An alternative definition of valuing discipline (that isn’t about control) to change our food habits and life.
4. The new values that replaced perfectionism, hyper-productivity, “faster, better”, and trying to do everything on our own.
5. How this values revolution evolved the stories that were driving our stress and body discomfort and led to better food choices, a more sacred relationship with our bodies, and more fulfillment. 

Mentioned in this Episode

Free Food as Safety Gatherings

Truce with Food 2023

The Sparkling Mud

@thesparklingmud

A Truce with Food foundational focus is learning how to effectively respond to the stress that makes you eat. Because we are often reacting to the past when our sense of safety was compromised, which fuels our current stress.

For example, I used to binge on sugar during my cancer “scanxiety” season even though it was 15 years later. Because in the past, MRIs did find cancer (and I didn’t know I could ever not turn to food!). Logically I knew I was probably fine. But emotionally I was a wreck. 

To effectively respond to your stress in the present, in Truce with Food, we tend to your body\'s physiology. Specifically, cultivating safety in your nervous system; your nervous system physiology under threat often leads to “Chuck it, F@#$ it” Ubereats, fantasy thoughts like “Diet starts tomorrow”, and binging. 

Because your body’s physiology informs your “mindset”.  Anyone who knows how crashing blood sugar fuels their anxiety knows this on one level.

To better understand your own nervous system reactions and accompanying food habits, I’ve brought back Stacey Ramsower from Episode 1 of this season. 

We discuss how our nervous system picks up on stress, often before our brain, and that leads to out of control eating. Stacey is one of the few people I know who understands how the most powerful change involves your physiology and psychology.

In today’s episode, we discuss:

• The difference between your body, brain, and mind when trying to change your relationship to food (hint: most mindset work doesn’t address this and yet, your body communicates to your brain at 4x the speed!)
  
• How “Diet starts tomorrow” is a fantasy thought and often a sign you’re in a “Flight” nervous system reaction
  
• What the Flight and Freeze nervous system reactions feel like inside your body
  
• The connection between Binging and the Freeze nervous system reaction
  
• Two powerful practices to try and regulate your nervous system to better deal with your present stress and change your eating habits

Mentioned in this Episode

Free Food as Safety Gatherings

Truce with Food 2023

https://www.staceyramsower.com/

Stacey’s Instagram

How many times have you thought: why do I self-sabotage with food? If those answers haven’t gotten you very far, I have a much better question for you.

“How does my eating protect me?” is a question that will take you far and deep. To guide us with this question and path to your answers, I have the wise Sil Reynolds to talk food, protection strategies, and the root vulnerability in our stories that our food habits are trying, perhaps begging you, to pay attention to. 

In this expansive, soul food conversation, we discuss:

• Sil’s struggle with food and her journey to heal her Motherline to find a sense of home in her body and psyche.
  
• The role of the archetypal feminine and emotional attunement in our food and body image struggles, including the symbolism in emotionally eating sweet carbohydrates
  
• How perfectionism is a safety strategy, not a personality type and why we keep trying to be “Good”, even when it feels so bad.
  
• How body image isn’t really about the body and a powerful question to ask when you feel fat to shift your mindset by getting to the root of the issue
  

About Sil Reynolds

Sil brings 40 years experience to her work as a coach and a teacher: experience as a nurse practitioner, psychotherapist, workshop leader, author, and a Mothering & Daughtering coach.

She graduated from Brown University where she majored in Women’s Studies. She graduated from Marion Woodman’s BodySoul Rhythms training in dreamwork, archetypal psychology, and the art and science of listening to the wisdom of the body. Sil explains that “Marion Woodman’s work reflects a unique Jungian lineage focuses on bringing the archetypal Divine Feminine into our embodied, earthly lives. Her lineage is my lineage, it is my spiritual motherline, and it has been my lifeline during difficult times.”

Mentioned in this Episode

Food as Safety Gatherings with Ali: Gather with like-minded health rebels who hate small talk to learn how to apply the Insatiable Season 13 podcasts to your life. Ali will teach, provide coaching exercise, tools and coach a few participants stress eating so you can get to the root of your stress eating and work through it. No white knuckling required. 

Sil Reynolds