🚨 WARNING: This episode contains extreme pedagogical trauma, unsolicited life advice from teachers who peaked in 1957, and fingering nightmares that will haunt you for years. Viewer discretion is advised.

Have you ever had a teacher who only speaks in abstract metaphors? One who expects your tiny human hands to stretch like Rachmaninoff’s? Or maybe the type who proudly declares “Back in my day, we practiced 18 hours a day and only cried twice”? If so, congratulations! You’ve survived piano pedagogy horror stories, and today, we relive them together.

In this episode, we navigate:
🎭 The Teacher Who Speaks Only in Metaphors (“Your phrasing must float like an autumn leaf questioning its existence.”)
🖐️ The Demonstrator With Hands the Size of a Steinway Lid (“Just reach the 13th! Relax your hand more!”)
⏳ The ‘Back in My Day’ Purist (“I once had a student who learned the entire Goldberg Variations in an afternoon with no sleep. You should try that.”)
🎤 Masterclass PTSD (Where your performance is merely an excuse for the teacher to reminisce about their youth.)
💊 Sponsored Pianist Medications! (Because Schubertium™ and Cadenzan™ might be the only things keeping us sane.)

🔥 PLUS: A special announcement about my upcoming album, featuring Brahms, and the sound of my neighbor aggressively banging on the wall at 3 AM.

Join me for an episode filled with trauma, laughter, and the deep realization that it’s not you… it’s the piano. (But sometimes, yeah, it’s you.)

🎧 Available now—because therapy is expensive.

EPISODE 2: “Why Are Pianists Like This? A Psychological Disaster in 88 Keys”

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🔥WARNING: THIS EPISODE CONTAINS EXTREME PIANIST PSYCHOLOGY, UNHINGED PRACTICE ROOM CHAOS, AND AT LEAST THREE FAKE PHARMACEUTICALS. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.🔥

🎶 Why do pianists spendhours repeating the same four bars, only to forget them mid-concert? Why do wedevelop full-blown existential crises over a single fingering decision? Why does every pianist have at leastone catastrophic pre-concert bathroom story? And most importantly—WHY ARE WE LIKE THIS?

Join me as weunravel the psychological mysteries of pianists, explorethe horrors of the practice room, and relivethe five stages of musical suffering (Excitement → Confusion → Despair → Reckless Abandon → Delusion).

AND, as always, this episode isproudly sponsored byFERMATAMERDE 500—because when your concert program is insonata form, but your intestines are inpresto agitato, you need professional help.

🎧Listen now for pianistic chaos, questionable mental stability, and a brief moment of self-promotion where I demand that you pre-save my upcoming album (because I suffered for it, and so should you).

https://bio.to/LuisMagalhaes

Welcome to the very first episode of It’s Not Me, It’s the Piano!—the podcast where classical music meets chaos, comedy, and questionable career choices.

Every pianist knows the golden rule of survival: When in doubt, blame the piano. Sticky keys? It’s the piano. Wrong note? The piano. Complete memory slip? Clearly, the piano is out to get you.

🔥 In this episode:
The Top 5 Best Excuses for Your Next On-Stage Disaster
Why blaming the piano is an art form
The real reason we pretend to inspect the instrument after a wrong note

Oh, and a special shoutout to oursponsor, because nothing says “professional podcast” like having a proper sponsor.

Buckle up—this is only the beginning. And remember: It’s NOT you… it’s the piano. 🎶