Welcome back to The Anxious Attachment Solution. I’m your host, Life Coach Amber Lynn.

In this episode, I want to expand on something I said before—you don’t need your partner to ride the emotional roller coaster with you. I want to be clear: my work is for those in relationships with partners who care, show up, and want to build something healthy with you. Never use my podcast to justify staying in unhealthy or harmful relationships.

So many of us with anxious attachment never stopped to question what love really means to us. We inherited stories about love—from family, society, or rom-coms—without consciously deciding if we even like those stories. These invisible “manuals” often tell us love means our partner should know how we feel, should make us feel better, and should anticipate our needs without us communicating them.

But these “shoulds” are clues from our anxious brain. It tells us:

• “If they really cared, they’d know.”
• “If they loved me, they’d never upset me.”
• “If they cared, they’d fix my feelings.”

These thoughts create unhuman expectations—for them and for us. When they can’t meet them, our brain makes it mean we’re unloved or unsafe. But the truth is, love and safety come from within us. No one can make us believe we’re loved until we’ve healed the fear of abandonment that distorts how we see love.

When I look back, I see how my anxious brain made small things into big problems. I overgave, overanalyzed, and took every critique as rejection. I didn’t realize my reactions came from what my brain made things mean—not what my partner actually did.

Now I understand the brain: when our amygdala (the reactive part) takes over, our thinking brain goes offline. We enter fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. The work is learning to calm the amygdala, bring our prefrontal cortex back online, and regulate ourselves.

You are responsible for your emotions and your partner is responsible for theirs. They don’t have to go on your emotional roller coaster. They can love you without having to fix your triggers. The more you learn to self-soothe, the less pressure there is on your relationship.

When you process your triggers and offer yourself compassion, you stop needing constant reassurance. You become your own secure base—your own source of validation and calm.

Remember: you are worthy, you are lovable, and your relationship doesn’t have to be perfect to be healthy. Love is not about perfection—it’s about two humans growing, healing, and choosing love on purpose.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching

Email me at Amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com for a free one hour consultation

When your anxious attachment is triggered, your body panics and your brain spins stories like, “They’re going to leave” or “I’m not enough.” It feels real, but it’s not a real threat — it’s your nervous system asking for regulation.

Self-regulation means calming your body before reacting, before texting, before spiraling. When you pause, breathe, and comfort yourself first, your brain learns that emotions are safe to feel. The goal isn’t to stop feeling — it’s to stop believing every anxious thought.

Your panic is the cue to pause, not act. Ask yourself: – Am I in the present or in a story from the past? – What am I making this mean? – What do I need to feel safe right now?

Regulate your body — breathe, splash cold water, journal, walk, or wrap yourself in a blanket. Then talk to yourself kindly: “It’s okay that I feel this way. My brain is just triggered. I can feel this and still be safe.”

This work isn’t about becoming hyper-independent — it’s about self-trust. When you soothe yourself first, you show your brain you’re capable of handling discomfort without needing immediate validation.

Remember: Trigger → Big Emotion → Pause → Self-Regulate → Self-Compassion → Thought Work → Reconnect

You don’t need to act on panic to feel secure. You can hold space for your feelings, regulate your nervous system, and choose peace before you text them.

“The power is in the pause — regulate before you react, because your safety starts with you.”

📩 Work With Me

You don’t have to do this work alone! ✨ Schedule a FREE 1-hour consultation → amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com ✨ Join my 12-week coaching program to stop your anxious attachment cycle, build confidence, and finally feel secure in your relationships and life.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching

Email me at Amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com for a free one hour consultation

If you’ve ever been told you’re “too much”—too needy, too emotional, too sensitive—this episode is for you. In today’s episode, I’m breaking down the real reason you feel too much and believe it, why this belief keeps you stuck in the anxious attachment cycle, and how you can finally change it.

We’ll explore how this “too much” belief shows up in dating, relationships, and everyday life—often leading to overthinking, people-pleasing, defensiveness, or shutting down. And I’ll teach you the first step in rewiring your brain so you can calm your nervous system, trust yourself, and confidently show up as the person you want to be.

Key Takeaways

• You are not too much — you just have an unmanaged anxious attachment cycle.
• Feeling “too much” is learned from past experiences and repeated thoughts that became a belief.
• This belief fuels fear, self-doubt, people-pleasing, emotional reactivity, and low self-worth.
• Your thoughts create your feelings → your feelings drive your actions → your actions create your results.
• You can interrupt this cycle by using The Secure Method:

🧠 Thought Work in Action

To rewire your brain, start with thought ladders:

• Current thought: “I am too much.”
• Bridge thoughts to practice:
  • “I am not too much for my people.”
  • “Some people will love me for who I am.”
  • “I have anxious attachment and I am enough.”
• Secure thought to aim for: “I am enough. I am worthy.”

Practice these thoughts daily—on sticky notes, alarms, or journaling—to build new beliefs over time.

🛠️ Practical Steps to Try

1. Notice & Name Your Cycle:
   • What triggers you?
   • What anxious thoughts come up?
   • How do they make you feel?
   • What actions do you take (or avoid)?
   • What result does this create?
2. Pause Before Reacting: Validate your feelings, offer yourself kindness, and ask:
   • “What do I need right now to feel safe?”
3. Practice Secure Thoughts: Use thought ladders to slowly teach your brain new beliefs.

❤️ Remember

• You are NOT your anxious attachment.
• You are not “too much.”
• You can rewire your brain and create secure, healthy habits in relationships.
• You are worthy, lovable, and enough—exactly as you are.

📩 Work With Me

You don’t have to do this work alone! ✨ Schedule a FREE 1-hour consultation → amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com ✨ Join my 12-week coaching program to stop your anxious attachment cycle, build confidence, and finally feel secure in your relationships and life.

Links and Resources:

• Get my free Guide: Calming Your Anxious Attachment
• Linktree to all things happening now: https://linktr.ee/takingbackherbrain

Let’s Connect:

• Follow me on instagram: @anxiousattachmentsolution
• Follow me on Facebook: Anxious Attachment Solution Life Coach Amber
• Follow me on substack: @takingbacherbraincoaching

Email me at Amberlynn@takingbackherbrain.com for a free one hour consultation