“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.” Matthew 11:28-30 MSG

Fall will soon be upon us and once it starts it feels like one big jump to the end of the year. When you get to the end of 2022, what do you want to be different for you? Who do you want to be? In this episode of the Margin Maker podcast, I take you through some of the questions I use with my clients as they create healthy rhythms and boundaries and care for their soul.

Before you make a plan of action you need to be able to see the vision Jesus has for you.

Pull out a piece of paper, a journal, or something to capture what Jesus will say to you. Get into a quiet space (and set a timer if that helps you stay present in the moment.) Read over the passage from Matthew above and hear the promise Jesus speaks over you as He invites you to do life with Him...His way.

When you're ready, move to the questions.

• What's your vision for me? My family? My life and leadership?
• What relationships would you like me to focus on?
• What things are most important? What should I prioritize?
• What rhythms and boundaries do you want me to create or maintain?
• Where are the busy seasons coming up in the months ahead and when should I create margin before moving on to the next thing?
• What obstacles could get in the way of what you desire for me?
• Who do I need to communicate with? 

Don't self edit and give every excuse as to why you can't do what you are sensing is needed. Just capture what Jesus is saying to you.

Do you know someone else who needs to discover the vision Jesus has for them? Make sure to share this episode!

Connect with Jen

Come visit our new website at jenhowat.com.

If these questions have helped you and you want to create a rhythm of sitting with Jesus each month, check out the Margin Maker Planner.

Summer is my favorite season but this summer has been hard. When things became overwhelming, I made 3 life-giving decisions that have made all the difference in the world.

• I deleted all news apps off my phone. There is something to be said about being informed about what is happening in our world and in our communities, but watching and reading the news was not helping me be the best version of myself. I wasn't more loving. I wasn't more empathetic. The constant bombardment of watching people tear each other down while not making any strides to actually solve any issues was too much, so I quit and it has been life-giving!

• I stopped my morning bible and prayer routine. Ok, before you think I've lost it completely, let me tell you what I started doing. My husband and I started having coffee outside in the mornings. We also go for a morning walk. And I have been using the 30 Days to Resilient feature on the Pause App put together by John Eldredge and team. It's been quite some time since I have heard God consistently and clearly. But as I've spent time just being with Jesus and giving everything to Him, something has shifted. My soul is starting to come alive again as my roots grow deep down into Jesus.

• I stopped using social media platforms for my ministry. Yes, you read that correctly. I no longer have my Facebook and Instagram accounts for Women in Ministry United. Why? Well, there are a few things. First of all, I have struggled with what to post and I didn't want to put something out there just to put something out there. That doesn't feel authentic to me. I also realized that social media platforms are not the place where people are showing up to have candid conversations about their soul. Most come to check out, not check in and that's ok. So, why keep trying to come and do something in a space that isn't working? That didn't seem to make much sense. But I do wonder if a private Facebook group would be something of interest. I'd love for you to let me know. You can drop me a line HERE.

What decision could you make to breathe life into your soul? What isn't serving you well? What isn't helping you be a better person and share the love of Jesus? What is keeping you from being compassionate and empathetic? What life-giving decision would make all the difference to your heart, soul, family, relationship with God and ability to show up well for yourself and others?

Margin for the Unexpected: EP:015

John Eldredge: He has written many books but one of my favorites is Get Your Life Back. He and his team also created the One Minute Pause App which includes 30 Days to Resilient. Also check out the Wild at Heart Podcast.

Would you be interested in a private Facebook group to have conversations around creating healthy rhythms and boundaries and caring for your soul? I'd love to know. Just click HERE and share your thoughts.

Connect with Jen

You can now find our website at jenhowat.com and you can email me at jen@jenhowat.com. I also hang out on instagram @jenhowat

Setting boundaries inevitably involves taking responsibility for your choices. You are the one who makes them. You are the one who must live with their consequences. And you are the one who may be keeping yourself from making the choices you could be happy with. We must own our own thoughts and clarify distorted thinking.        -Henry Cloud

Many of us wonder how we ended up where we are today...so far away from the person we were created to be. It's because we are caught up in The Drift.

We have one life to live and we don't want to leave anything to chance. Boundaries are key to keeping us on track. That means that we need to grow in spiritual and emotionally maturity and exercise the authority Jesus gave us over our life and leadership. In other words, we need to become the adult. We need to take responsibility for our own choices.

And yet, many of us are at the whim of the waters, being tossed back and forth by everyone else's opinion and expectations. That's what the Apostle Paul calls being "immature children."

• You are a great leader.
• You are wise.
• You are godly.
• You are intentional about stewarding well the limited time, energy, and resources God has given you.

Yes, you'll make mistakes. Things will come up. You'll grow. You'll learn. You'll fail. And then you'll grow some more. You will become more like Jesus. But it will NEVER happen if we do nothing...if we drift and abdicate responsibility over our life...expecting...hoping...that someone, somehow, somewhere will make it OK and do the adulting for us.

• In what ways do you need to take ownership and responsibility for your life and leadership?
• What decisions have you been leaving up to others that you need to reclaim authority over?

Henry Cloud, Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say Not to Take Control of Your Life

Pete Scazzero, Emotionally Healthy Leadership 

Margin Maker podcast: The Drift [EP:016] and How to Guard Against the Drift [EP:017]

The waters of life may seem calm but we are always in jeopardy of drifting. There is an undertow that is subtle and slow that constantly wants to pull us away from being the person we were created to be.

What do you to do protect yourself against the drift? Set boundaries.

Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. Boundaries help us keep the good in and the bad out.

-Henry Cloud: Boundaries

Boundaries are a normal part of our lives. We find boundaries in our neighborhoods, on our streets, and within creation itself. God put boundaries into place for our wellbeing and peace. So, whether it's a physical boundary, behavioral boundary, relational boundary or emotional boundary...having boundaries are necessary for guarding against the drift and living as the person we were created to be.

• Who do you want to become?
• What do you want to be true of you?
• What’s the vision God has for your life? For your leadership?

It won't just happen. You can't do whatever you want, say whatever you want to say, watch whatever you want to watch, and scroll endlessly on whatever platform you want to scroll through and hope that somehow none of that will matter and you'll soul will stay whole and healthy and you'll be the person you were created to be.

So, grab a piece of paper, write down some ideas of boundaries you need to set so you won't drift and pick ONE to do for the next six weeks.

A gradual shift in attitude, opinion or position.

An aimless course.

To move along a line of least resistance.

To vary or deviate from a set course or adjustment.

You will never drift into a mind filled with peace. You will never drift into a heart full of life. You will never drift into contentment and security. Perfect peace comes when we intentionally and continually fix our thoughts on God (Isaiah). A heart that flows with life comes when we constantly are on guard...carefully choosing what we let in. (Proverbs 4:23) Security comes when we cling to God (Psalm 63).

We can't think whatever we want, watch whatever we want, meditate on what ever we want and cling to whatever we want and hope to somehow stay aligned and focused on who God created us to be.

Set boundaries and take ownership of your soul and do the hard work of keeping watch.

And we'll talk more about that in the coming episodes.

I'd love to connect on Voxer or email.

Send me a voice message or text via the Voxer app @jenhowat or join me for conversation over email. You can sign up HERE plus you'll get my free guide Win Back Your Day.

What do you do when the unexpected happens and you know you are beyond your emotional and physical capacity to get things done? Do you insist that you press on because that's what committed leaders do? Or do you rearrange things in order to create the space you need?

Most of us hesitate to create margin when the unexpected happens. We want to follow through with our obligations, serve people well, and be a person of our word. But most of the motivation to continue comes from guilt when we need time and margin for the unexpected.

In this episode of the podcast, I share lessons that I have learned over the last few weeks as I have been dealing with hurt and grief in the unexpected.

• Have some a re-entry plan as you get back into your work after spending time away.
• Pay attention to the leading of the Holy Spirit and FOLLOW His promptings to create space when unexpected hard things happen...even if it means telling someone that you can't do something as planned.
•  Recognize that feelings of guilt for needing time to yourself IS NOT from God. There is no condemnation in Christ.
• It is ok to cancel or reschedule your commitments if that is what you need in order to care for your soul.
• Grief in one area of your life can open up previous places of pain that come from other losses, no matter how long ago.
• Hold space to give yourself grace in the unexpected, hard things.

A Place to Pause: Creating Space to Lament and Connect with God

Creating Boundaries and Margin in the Midst of Tragedy [EP:013]

Is your to-do list out of control? Do you struggle with trying to check everything off of it? Do want to get things done but don't feel like you are making much progress?  If you want to know the secrets to conquering your to-do list so it doesn't conquer you...this conversation is for you!  

As busy Christian women leaders, we often are trying to manage ALL of the things and get it ALL done and yet as hard as we work, we still feel like we are falling short.   

• What if you knew exactly what to do? 
• What if you had space and time to step in the gap to help serve others?
• What if you could celebrate what you accomplished rather than regretting that you didn't do it all? 
• What if you actually aren't supposed to do it all in the first place?  

Your to-do list is not the boss of you! So let's chat about how you can conquer it before it conquers you!!!  

If there are topics of conversation that would encourage and equip you as you make healthy rhythms and boundaries, I want to know! You can email me at support@womeninministryunited.com.  

The Margin Maker Collective

 Private Coaching  

Not sure where to start? Let's have a Discovery Call. Schedule yours today!

How does space and margin integrate or intertwine with tragedy, grief, or loss? Do you tend to feel guilty for create space when there's chaos happening in the world, in your community, or in your own life? Or do you feel like you have permission to step back and create boundaries...even in the midst of grief and loss?

In this episode, I share my thoughts and observations from interactions with other women leaders as we wrestle with making margin alongside the recent heartache that has gripped our country and the church. 

Many of us are trying to process the recent school shooting in Uvalde, Texas. It's difficult to find the time and the right people. At the same time, there is a profound sense of hurt that has been exposed more fully as the Southern Baptist Convention released its report giving details on those responsible for hundreds of cases of abuse within the church. Many of us have gone through the pain of being violated physically or emotionally by leaders in churches in every denomination.   

And of course, we each have our own personal circumstances. Marriages are strained, our kids are struggling, we are dealing with anxiety and illness of our own.  Setting boundaries and creating margin to process our hurt, grief, and pain is absolutely necessary. We need to allow ourselves time to lament, gather our thoughts, and sit with God.

We also should not feel ashamed or guilty for needing prayer and support for the difficulty we have in our own lives. We can both acknowledge the pain of others in Uvalde and elsewhere...AND give voice to our own hurt and needs. There is no comparison. Pain is pain. Grief is grief.   

Extend yourself grace. Extend others grace, especially when they aren't responding the way you think they should. Let's think the best of one another, pray for each other, love each other, and be united together.

I'd love to hear your comments and thoughts around this topic.

Email me: HERE