Zach sits down with Hazel Grace and Nico for a wide-ranging conversation about polyamory, relational integrity, and what it actually takes to repair after conflict.

Hazel Grace, a relationship coach and educator with a PhD in human sexuality, and Nico, a lumberjack and self-described relationship nerd, share how they’ve built a deeply intentional partnership within a polyamorous relationship structure. They unpack common misconceptions about polyamory—especially the idea that it’s simply about sexual freedom—and explain how their approach is rooted in responsibility, communication, and care for the entire relational ecosystem.

Zach asks about Hazel Grace’s framework called The Art of Repair. Drawing from their own childhood experiences, decades of personal healing, and years of coaching couples, They outline a clear process for navigating relational ruptures and restoring trust.

Through a real-life example involving a broken ankle and an emotional reaction that escalated quickly, Hazel Grace and Nico demonstrate how repair actually works in practice: pausing to regulate, developing empathy, seeking permission to talk, acknowledging what happened, naming the impact, and then rebuilding integrity.

The conversation is a powerful reminder that conflict is inevitable in relationships—but repair is a skill anyone can learn.

Key Takeaways

• Polyamory isn’t about unlimited freedom; it requires responsibility for the impact of your choices
• Relationships don’t come with fixed rules—you can design agreements that fit the people involved
• Many people mistake “no conflict” for healthy relationships, but avoiding conflict can limit emotional intimacy
• Repair begins with regulation, not explanation
• Empathy for both self and partner is essential before attempting repair
• Asking permission to have a repair conversation creates safety and consent
• Understanding each person’s experience matters more than determining who was “right”
• Repair restores trust through acknowledgment, empathy, and concrete actions

Guest Info

Hazel Grace, PhD

Hazel Grace is a relationship and intimacy coach specializing in relational healing, sexuality, and communication. They teach workshops and courses on relationship repair and works with individuals and couples to develop deeper intimacy and emotional connection.

• Website: https://drhazelgrace.com
• Workshops: Northern California & Colorado
• Courses: Online self-paced programs on The Art of Repair

Nico

Nico is a sawyer—running a mobile sawmill business where he mills lumber directly on clients’ properties. In the winter he works in snow removal in the mountains. He also collaborates with Hazel Grace in relationship workshops and educational programs.

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Zach sits down with Pete and Tasha, a couple whose relationship was forged in the middle of some of life’s hardest realities: addiction, cancer, caregiving, recovery, and the challenge of staying connected when survival itself becomes the focus.

Pete and Tasha met in Boulder after years of each pursuing health and healing in different ways. Tasha had already devoted much of her life to recovery from eating disorders, addiction, and chronic illness, and she knew she wanted a partner who was committed to that same path. Pete initially appeared to be on that path too, but as their relationship deepened, more of his struggle with addiction surfaced. Then, shortly after getting engaged, everything escalated: Pete began experiencing severe symptoms and was ultimately diagnosed with a life-threatening tumor in his mediastinum, wrapped around his trachea and pressing against his heart and lungs.

What follows is not just a story about illness. It’s a story about what happens to a couple when one person becomes “the patient” and the other becomes “the caregiver,” and how hard it is to keep that dynamic from hardening into resentment, overfunctioning, codependence, and loss of reciprocity. Pete talks about how cancer forced him to confront not only his physical condition but the deeper patterns underneath his addiction and lifestyle. Tasha reflects on the toll of supporting him through treatment while also trying not to lose herself in fixing, managing, and carrying too much.

Together, they explore what it means to heal in relationship: how trust gets rebuilt after dishonesty, how accountability has to become daily practice, and how love matures when both people are willing to face their own patterns. They describe practical tools they now use—like regular honesty check-ins, weekly date nights, therapy, and explicit conversations about support, food, recovery, and emotional responsibility—to keep their relationship from sliding into the old “nagging wife / resentful husband” script.

This is a deeply layered conversation about partnership under pressure, and about choosing each other not just in romance, but in recovery, grief, health, and the long work of becoming whole.

Key Takeaways

• Serious illness can expose everything already under strain in a relationship

• Addiction and cancer may look different, but both can force deep reckoning with identity, pain, and self-responsibility

• Caregiving can become overfunctioning if couples are not intentional about reciprocity

• Honesty has to be practiced, not assumed

• Recovery is not just individual; it reshapes the couple dynamic

• Love is not enough without accountability, boundaries, and tools

• Trust can be rebuilt, but it requires repeated truth-telling

• Healing together means learning how not to collapse into patient/caregiver roles forever

Guest Info

PetePete is the founder of Evolve Health https://www.evolvvhealth.com, where he supports cancer patients through coaching and resource navigation after his own experience with cancer treatment and recovery.

TashaTasha is a therapeutic mentor who works with people recovering from chronic illness, addiction, and eating disorders, helping them better understand their patterns and develop healing tools for a more resilient life. Her practice is Resilient Grace https://www.resilient-grace.com.

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One year ago, Robin and Hector came on the show after their first year together. Now they’re back for a relationship “State of the Union.”

Using a framework from the Gottman Method, Zach walks them through four powerful questions designed to help couples stay connected, prevent resentment, and strengthen emotional safety:

• What did we get right?

• How can I specifically appreciate you?

• Is there anything we need to repair?

• What’s coming up, and how can I support you?

• What unfolds is a masterclass in intentional love.

  They talk about:

  • Learning empathy at a deeper level

  • Building safety through micro-moments

  • Giving each other the benefit of the doubt

  • Taking accountability before blame creeps in

  • Naming insecurities instead of letting them grow

  • Supporting each other through major life transitions

  Robin is launching her book Real Love Ready: A Guide to Relational Literacy. Hector is preparing for a major hiking trip. They’re opening a taco shop. They’re blending families. They’re building businesses.

  And through it all, they’re keeping their relationship clear.

  This episode is both an update and a practical tool you can use immediately in your own relationship.

  
  

  
  

  What You’ll Learn in This Episode

  • How to conduct a weekly “State of the Union” conversation

  • Why positive sentiment must come before hard conversations

  • The power of leading with accountability instead of accusation

  • How empathy transforms conflict

  • Why repair attempts should happen quickly

  • How to name insecurities before they become explosions

  • What it means to “keep the relationship clear”

  • How to support your partner through busy seasons
    

  
  

  
  

  The Four Questions (State of the Union Framework)

  If you want to try this at home, here are the questions Zach uses:

• What did we get right this week?
  

• How can I specifically appreciate or celebrate you?
  

• Is there anything we need to repair, revisit, or apologize for?
  

• What’s coming up, and how can I support you?
  

• When practiced regularly, this keeps small issues from turning into big ones—and builds an emotional bank account that protects your relationship.

  Guest Info

  Robin

  Founder of Real Love Ready

  • Website: https://www.realloveready.com

  • Conference (In Bloom): April 10–12

  • Book: Real Love Ready: A Guide to Relational Literacy (Available April 7)

  Robin’s work centers around relational literacy—breaking down big relationship concepts into practical, learnable skills.

  Hector

  Entrepreneur, chef, and emotional growth enthusiast.

  • Co-founder of their upcoming taco venture

  • Creator of a long-perfected chili oil recipe (15 years in the making!)

  
  

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