A simple search on the internet for Veterans Day quotes would show up this line which says, “We don't know them all, but we owe them all.”

It’s not credited to anyone, but whoever said this just nailed it right through the core. It’s true. We may never know each and every one of our heroes, but we owe them everything—our life, our liberty, and the way we are now are all thanks to them. And so on this day, we celebrate them, we honor them, and show our deepest gratitude for their utmost bravery and patriotism.

But part of celebrating them should not just be about remembering those who have passed on but also looking after those who continue to live and those who continue to serve. Part of honoring them should include making ways to ensure that our veterans and armed forces—the Army, Marine Corps, Navy, Air Force, Space Force, and Coast Guard, all of them—also get the help and improvement that they deserve. And part of that is that they get to be understood and loved and that they get the help they truly need, especially when it comes to their mental health and wellness.

Words of Healing

• One of the biggest problems that veterans face right now is not really having the resources or funding to get mental behavioral services that they so desire, crave, and really need.  - Regina Marie
• For our veterans that are still alive today, It's important to recognize the sacrifices they have made and continue to make. - Regina Marie
• I'm a firm believer that the relationship with their caregiver from early infancy to teenage years impacts everything else that they may be experiencing. - Regina Marie
• So, for example, if our veterans are suffering from depression, low self-worth, suicidal thoughts, perfectionism, or anxiety, where does all of that stem from? - Regina Marie
• It stems from the relationship they had with their parents or their caregivers; the experiences they witnessed. What they learned about love is what taught them how to love as an adult—how to love themselves, how to love their peers, how to love their leaders, and what love to accept in return—because we accept the love that we think we deserve. - Regina Marie
• I know it can be scary to open that up when you're just trying to move past it. But that's not how you're going to work through it. You're literally just ignoring the problem. You're not patching it up. You're not actually stopping the bleeding. - Regina Marie
• You have to just talk about it. It doesn't mean that you have to go relive every aspect of it, but acknowledge that it has happened. Process where you think it came from, and allow the emotions to come out. Allow yourself to feel those feelings so that you can work through them. - Regina Marie

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Trigger Warning: This episode includes references and actual experiences of different types of abuse.

The love that we attract is the love that we project. 

Consciously or not, we captivate the kind of love that reflects us. So, we often ask ourselves: Why did I end up with somebody similar to someone I hated the most? Why do I stay in the cyclical highs and lows of a relationship when it was what I escaped from home?

Jennifer Fostino finds that the answer to this question lies with familiarity. It’s because it’s the kind of love that we were used to. Even in this sense, it’s so true how our childhood shapes the individuals we later on become.

An abusive and unequal family dynamics make the home a place for trauma. And you can only imagine how torturous the home can be if one finds the military more of a safe haven than home. At least, that’s what my sister, Jen, feels like. 

In celebration of Veterans Day, I sit for a chit chat with my sister who worked at the military and now in the Air Force, and we revisit her journey to the military, to being deployed in the war field, and why, despite all the traumatic experiences she was also exposed to in the field, she thinks her civilian life has given her more trauma than the military. 

Words of Healing

• Mentally, coming home was very hard, especially being gone that long, getting back into society, dealing with stop lights, dealing with everyday people, just all the little things, even just having to do your own laundry and food not being cooked. - Jennifer Fostino
• We definitely wanna look back and we would've done it again, especially if we had our kids. Regardless of the crap that we dealt with, we got these babies out of it. I would do it again for that, but I wouldn't do it again for anything else. - Regina Marie
• There's a certain grit, resilience, and trauma that were experienced at a younger age that allowed them to believe that they’ve dealt with this shit. The military is going to be nothing compared to that. - Regina Marie
• It's gonna reverse the hope, the negativity from our childhood, and put a positive spin on it to use that anger for our passion, for our job, to protect others, to have your comradery, and to have your battle buddies and protect them at all costs. - Regina Marie
• We were in a household where you were definitely scared of your father—who preferred it that way cuz he thought that's what created discipline. - Jennifer Fostino
• I had a lot of resentment towards mom because I felt that she was allowing this to happen and that she wasn't able to stop it. She wasn't addressing it or thinking of her children first. - Jennifer Fostino
• Because you have those good times, you think you can deal with the bad ones. What I didn't realize is, because out of everybody, I hated dad the most, so why would I end up marrying somebody like him? - Jennifer Fostino
• It is familiar. It's something they're used to if it's the devil that they know. So that’s the whole reason, even with me, why I stayed so long. - Jennifer Fostino
• For me, being in the military is just giving me that outlet where I could be more myself because the military is a little bit more direct. They are a little bit more straightforward. - Jennifer Fostino

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Trigger Warning: This episode includes references and actual experiences of different types of abuse.

“Love comes when you least expect it.”

Says a common quote, and also a lesson Katrina Smith learned from her mom. It indeed came when she least expected it and when she didn’t want it. Coming from an abusive relationship with the father of her children, Katrina was in no right shape of mind when she entered a new relationship. She was still reeling from the trauma, but who wouldn’t be swayed by promises of forever and marriages and of being treated like a princess? Isn’t he prince charming?

Little did she know that an abusive person can very much disguise himself as prince charming. And a damsel, in the beginning, Katrina kept her eyes closed from all the red flags until she just woke up seeing that her fairytale ended in a nightmare.

This episode is a testament to how can one love you in a literal torturous way, and Katrina coming out alive of it is a big triumph against abuse.

Words of Healing

• I think my ultimate goal was I wanted to buy a multi-unit apartment complex or a house as a safe haven to try to help women who are ready to leave situations but couldn't go anywhere because, in my process of that attempt, I didn't have anyone. - Katrina Smith
• Abuse really messes with your head, and if it's someone who is calculated, and they know what they've been doing, and have a finesse to it, then you really don't even know what's going on until it's too late. - Katrina Smith
• My mom would always tell me that love would show up when you least expected it and when you don't want it. And I didn't want it. - Katrina Smith
• I hate to romanticize him, but he spoke like a romance novel. - Katrina Smith
• Everybody tells you about fight or flight, but they don't ever mention that you can become literally paralyzed from fear and not be able to think. - Katrina Smith
• I was terrified all the time. I did whatever he said. Whatever he wanted me to do, I would. - Katrina Smith
• I had a bunch of nurses charge into my room like they were ready to fight this guy. I was like, “This is what I needed the whole time.” I just needed a tribe of people willing to defend my then weak-minded self who couldn't defend myself. - Katrina Smith
• I've been living in the same place for five years consistently, which is a huge feat for me. I feel safe. I'm not in survival mode anymore. - Katrina Smith
• Now I can really filter what I allow into every part of my brain and my home. I took control back. I felt so out of control for so long. - Katrina Smith
• My value as a person isn't about what my body can do. - Katrina Smith

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Resource Mentioned

• American Psycho - May Harron (2000)