Lately I have noticed further isolation, and me subconsciously withdrawing myself more and more from the world. This is a common part of the dying process, I'm told. And I don't like the consequences of such withdrawals... They put my mental peace and clarity in jeopardy. In this podcast, I struggle to find the answer to handling this unwelcome change.

It's been a rough few weeks for me, with physical issues, and also keeping the best possible hospice service for myself.

As I look at a common behavior I do to ensure I get better service, I began to wonder if it was manipulation. And, if it is, is it really so bad as society makes it? Or is a little manipulation good for all of us?

What happens when you review the Stoic, Swahili, and modern "box universe" theory for consistency? Sounds like a joke... but no. You find one similar belief with respect to the past. The same belief that has given me peace with my mortality.

But if you do have any good "a Stoic, Swahili, and theoretical physicist walk into a bar" jokes, I'm all ears!

I once said that loss itself is a human illusion. But this perspective is one that I have struggled with the most since my self reflection permeated such a notion. Thus, I revisit this topic again and try to square it with my feelings of loss.

I admit freely I am a vain person. I always have been this way, but found positive outlets to mitigate negative feelings. But my current battle has me struggling intensely with what is merely a consequence of my disease and it's completely out of my control. Here I discuss the negative consequences and my drive to mitigate vain emotions with respect to my terminal diseases. It won't be easy...

In this podcast, I discuss the unique issue of suffering a terminal illness while still managing adult responsibilities and the visitation of maligned intentions from others. While this dispiriting triad is vexing at first, I find that response useless, and completely counterproductive. There is a better way to handle so much out of my control.

I face difficult decisions and, more importantly, actions, that need to be made by me, friends and family, based on the latest discussions I have had with my hospice team. And more importantly, I don't want to be and die as a blueberry!

My struggle with my various terminal illnesses has been rather laborious and exhausting lately - removing most of the day through just pure exhaustion. All of these symptoms have worsened as of late, and strange events have seemingly interjected clear warnings of what's to come. However, as I explore these changes and events, I surprisingly find myself in a quite different outcome than what I expected...