In this episode, Shaun and Lanette discuss the Family Communication Pattern Theory, by McLeod and Chaffee, and its adoption application. focusing on conformity and conversation orientation, and how these patterns can impact families, particularly in the context of adoption. They analyzed various family dynamics portrayed in movies and TV shows, identifying different communication patterns and their implications. Family Communication Patterns help us understand how childhood family structure impacts adulthood. The model suggests that families fall into four patterns, which vary in degrees of conformity and conversation. The importance of balance in family communication patterns and the need for open dialogue, and the potential influence of parenting styles on children is discussed.

Stephen Rowley, Ph.D., is a psychotherapist practicing in Bainbridge Island, Washington. Dr. Rowley's book, The Lost Coin: A Memoir of Adoption and Destiny, was published by Chiron Publications, Sept. 2023. With his background as a psychotherapist and educator, his interest in Jungian psychology and Zen Buddhism, Dr. Rowley discusses what fundamental core experiences adoptees share, how the adopted child reckons with the paradox of a comfortable upbringing and a powerful emotional loss, and how early childhood wounds result in “primitive agonies” that cause disproportionate emotional reactions. He also discusses what relational complexities are especially inherent to most, if not all, adoptees. Learn more at stephenrowley108.com/memoir/.

We also share information about the First Families Project, researching birth mother experiences. To learn more about this research go to https://linktr.ee/first.families.project

Amy Seek shares her experiences with adoption as a birth mom, and how her relationship with her son has evolved. She shares about the importance of transparency and honesty in open adoption conversations and the need for improved ethical practices as we strive to better support mothers and their children.

Amy’s book “God and Jetfire: Confessions of a Birthmother”

Other Resources:

Concerned United Birthparents

Saving our Sisters

NAAP First Families support group

Donor Conceived Best Practices and Connections

Right to Know

Untangling Our Roots, an annual summit of adoptees and DCP providing education around best practices for the affected people

Open Adoption: Not so Simple Math

You can reach Amy at amyseek@concernedunitedbirthparents.org

Adoptee Lexi Condie shares her experience in this touching episode. Lexi was adopted by Aymee and Reed at age 8 along with her older brother Tyler, who was the son of Reed. Aymee and Reed decided it would be best to let Lexi and Tyler stay in contact with their mother (Stevoni), who was in prison at that time. Over the years Lexi developed a fantastic relationship with Stevoni. Lexi has always been able to lean on her adoptive parents. Lexi is currently working toward her Certified Welding Inspector certification and starting her own business. Lexi loves her career and is working towards making her life her own again. Be sure to listen to our episode with Lexi's mothers, Aymee and Stevoni, for more about how uniting adoptive and biological families in efforts to love and support adoptees can impact lives.

In this episode, we learn about the experience of foster care alumni Cadon Riley, including his experience being adopted and later returning to the foster care system. Cadon and Shaun discuss some of the challenges Cadon has experienced, and his hopes for how our community can improve experiences for other youth in care and in need of support. Cadon Riley is a Foster Care & Child Welfare Advocate. Cadon was adopted at birth into a transracial family. At the age of 15 Cadon was placed back into the foster care system, aging out at 18. Cadon made it his goal to become an advocate to help others from similar backgrounds. Cadon is currently pursuing a bachelor's degree in Psychology from Utah Tech University, intending to obtain his Ph.D. in Clinical Neuropsychology. Cadon’s continuous advocacy has landed him the opportunity to speak on Capitol Hill and become a Congressional Leadership Academy Delegate with the National Foster Youth Institute. Cadon’s extensive involvement in local and national advocacy aims to improve and inform the child welfare system through the power of lived experience.

Kaira Dark is a birth mom who placed her son for adoption about 20 years ago. The adoption began as semi-open, and became open later. Kaira shares about her struggles with the trauma she experienced and how her experiences and perceptions have shifted over time. We love hearing from birth moms and really enjoyed learning from Karia's experiences.

In this episode, Lanette and Alisha discuss establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries, both in open adoptions and when caring for children in foster care. We address some frequently asked questions regarding this subject, including how to create healthy communication patterns and how to mediate challenging situations.

There are two kinds of openness in adoption—structural and communicative. Both are important in supporting identity and development of adopted individuals, as supported by academic research. We discuss the differences between structural and communicative openness and tips for adoptive parents for practicing openness in a more adoptee-centered way. This episode is part of our series where we discuss frequently asked questions regarding open adoption. We address many of the fears adoptive parents might voice as they consider openness in this discussion.

Learn more in The Openness Guide for Prospective Adoptive Parents: What You Should Know About Open Adoption

Sources:

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Brodzinsky, D. (2006). Family structural openness and communication openness as predictors in the adjustment of adopted children. Adoption quarterly, 9(4), 1-18.

Brodzinsky, D. (2015). Understanding and treating adoptive families. Contemporary families: Translating research into practice, 35-52.

Berge, J. M., Green, K. M., Grotevant, H. D., & McRoy, R. G. (2006). Adolescent sibling narratives regarding contact in adoption. Adoption Quarterly, 9(2-3), 81-103.

Grotevant, H. D. (2020). Open adoption. The Routledge handbook of adoption, 266-277.

Grotevant, H. D., McRoy, R. G., Elde, C. L., & Fravel, D. L. (1994). Adoptive family system dynamics: Variations by level of openness in the adoption. Family process, 33(2), 125-146.

Grotevant, H. D., & McDermott, J. M. (2014). Adoption: Biological and social processes linked to adaptation. Annual review of psychology, 65, 235-265.

Grotevant, H. D., Wrobel, G. M., Fiorenzo, L., Lo, A. Y., & McRoy, R. G. (2019). Trajectories of birth family contact in domestic adoptions. Journal of Family Psychology, 33(1), 54.

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Neil, E., Beek, M., & Ward, E. (2015). Contact after adoption: A longitudinal study of post adoption contact arrangements. Coram BAAF.

Wolfgram, S. (2008). Openness in adoption: What we know so far—A critical review of the literature. Social Work, 53(2), 133-142.

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Scherman, R. (2016). Openness and intercountry adoption in New Zealand. In Intercountry Adoption (pp. 309-318). Routledge.

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