Today, I’m sharing with you a conversation with Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D. In our chat, we dive deep into the psychology of goal-setting, attachment to goals, over-identification with one area of our life, peak performance, and mental resilience.

• When you’re taking a big exam, dealing with a work project, or participating in an important match, how do you manage your worries about your performance and your desire to perform to the best of your abilities?
• Are you supportive of yourself without adding pressure into your plate?
• How do you think of yourself without all the stuff you do in your day-to-day life?

While having goals is essential for your performance and motivation, they are just one piece of the puzzle. You also need to manage your mental chatter to perform at your best when it matters to you!

You will hear Mitchell and I sharing our take on Roger Federer, Rick Barry, Kobe Bryant, Andre Agassi, and other professional athletes’ approach to their performance, expectations, and goal-setting.

Whether you’re dealing with high-stakes sports scenarios or everyday life challenges, the principles to set your goals, how you relate to them, and how you approach your mental chatter remain the same.

You can find meaning and joy by making small tweaks and savoring the good along the way!

Hope you enjoy this episode!

Key Takeaways

• Understanding fear-based reactions
• Setting goals for improved performance
• Managing mind chatter in sports
• The role of mental skills in athletic success
• Balancing life and sport: Lessons from Roger Federer and Andre Agassi
• The importance of parental support in youth sports

Show notes

01:01 The Importance of Goal Setting

01:08 The Problem with Tunnel Vision

01:44 Importance of Outcome Goals

02:45 The Role of Action Goals

03:43 Goal setting and mental chatter

04:34 Managing Chatter for Success

05:30 Developing a New Relationship with Your Mind

06:01 Lessons from Roger Federer

06:43 Advice for Struggling Athletes

07:22 Mental Game of Professional Athletes

08:58 Perfectionism in Sports

11:42 Small Increments of Improvement

13:15 Leadership Challenges in Sports

13:55 Balancing Life and Sport

16:10 The Impact of Injuries on a Person’s Mindset

16:52 Parental Influence on Young Athletes

18:02 Coaching the Coaches

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

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In part 1 of my conversation with Monica Basco, Ph.D., Exploring the intersection of perfectionism, procrastination, and performance, we discussed the following topics:

• Perfectionism and high-achieving behaviors
• Understanding the impact of high goals
• The role of confidence in goal setting
• The intersection of perfectionism and procrastination

In this second part of our conversation, Monica kindly shared her transition from academia to the White House as an introduction to the focus of this episode: the intersection of perfectionism and imposter phenomenon.

Perfectionists set exceptionally high standards for themselves, displaying a relentless drive to achieve what they perceive as flawless outcomes. However, when these standards are not met, it can lead to feelings of failure and inadequacy. Even when they succeed, perfectionists may fear that others will see through their façade, further perpetuating the imposter phenomenon.

A highlight of our conversation is the importance of discerning when perfectionistic actions are an asset and when they become a liability.

Key Takeaways

• Perfectionism and imposter phenomenon
• Exploring imposter phenomenon
• Perfectionism and self-expectations
• Overcoming imposter syndrome
• The transition from academia to government
• Perfectionism in different contexts
• Balancing perfectionism and fear of failure
• Distinguishing when to turn on and off perfectionistic actions

Show notes with time-stamps

00:00 The Intersection of Perfectionism and Imposter Phenomenon

05:03 Personal Story: Overcoming Imposter Syndrome

10:10 Transition from Academia to the White House

16:12 The Role of Perfectionism in Government and Science

18:23 Fear of Failure and Perfectionism

22:52 How Different Fears Influence Behavior

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Drop your standards! Let go of your perfectionistic tendencies!

If I were paid a dollar every time I heard this message, I would have a large bank account by now.

When you’re pursuing a top performance – from athletic to intellectual to artistic ones – it’s fundamental that you distinguish those common principles that improve your performance and your well-being altogether.

In this episode, Brad Stulberg and I discussed research-based skills to deal with high-achieving and striving behaviors in a skillful manner and without losing yourself.

Key Takeaways

• How to distinguish when perfectionistic actions are working for you or against you
• The difference between values-based goals and ego-driven goals
• How to avoid burnout in the information era
• How to manage your proneness to perfectionistic actions
• Day-to-day experiences of experiential avoidance
• Tips to handle the fear of failure
• How to figure out what is on the other side of your fears
• How to practice self-compassion when handling our fears

Show notes with time stamps

00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions

01:02 Overcoming Perfectionism

01:36 Interview with Brad Stulberg: High Achieving and Striving Behaviors

02:19 Reflecting on Your Life and Overcoming Overthinking

03:28 Living According to Your Values

04:10 Using a Values-Based Review to Live the Life You Want

04:46 Conversation with Brad Stulberg: Balancing Productivity and Wellbeing

05:43 Understanding the Double-Edged Sword of Optimization

08:44 Dealing with Fear of Failure and Regret

17:48 Navigating Ego-Driven Goals and Values-Based Goals

24:09 Overcoming Experiential Avoidance

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Perfectionism isn’t a personality quirk. It’s a pattern of reinforced behaviors that can seep into every aspect of your life.

You may set certain standards for yourself, certain rules about how things are supposed to be or how you are supposed to behave; while you may meet those standards for a while, they eventually - and inevitably - fall short. Then, you feel crushed. Then, you criticize yourself. And then, to drown out the negativity, you set new goals, standards, and expectations for yourself. The cycle of ineffective perfectionistic actions repeats and maintains itself.

There is nothing wrong with striving to do things right and perfectly - that’s natural when you deeply care about things and what matters to you. And, as you have heard me say before, it’s extremely important that you learn to harness the power of perfectionistic actions without losing yourself.

In this podcast episode, I chat with Monica Basco, Ph.D. We discuss specific topics related to perfectionism in detail:

(a) A large part of the conversation clarifies how having high standards and being perfectionistic can be both, beneficial and detrimental, and finding the balance between the two is crucial.

(b) We also discussed the interplay between perfectionistic behaviors and procrastination as two sides of the same coin.

(c) Monica and I highlighted the fact that setting high-goals is productive when one can tolerate failure. However, learning to pursue what matters and learning to let things go - as the right thing to do - is also important.

(d) Finally, we discuss ideas for you to conduct a functional analysis, or in other words, we discuss key questions for you to understand your drive to engage in perfectionistic actions (e.g., what is my mind trying to protect me from right now?)

Key Takeaways

• Discussing perfectionism and high-achieving behaviors
• Understanding the impact of high goals
• The role of confidence in goal setting
• The intersection of perfectionism and procrastination

Show notes with time-stamps

01:00 Understanding Fear and Perfectionism

01:31 Dealing with Perfectionism and High-Achieving Behaviors

02:35 Cognitive Behavior Therapy and Perfectionism

04:14 Setting Goals and Dealing with Failure

05:12 Understanding Overachievement and Expectations

08:37 Dealing with Rejection and Pursuing Goals

20:43 Understanding the Intersection of Perfectionism and Procrastination

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today’s episode takes off with discussing fears of driving. This is the starting point to discuss a key process within acceptance commitment therapy: values-based exposures.

In this episode, you will learn the principles to approach your fears, worries, and anxieties in a flexible way and in the service of your values.

Brian Thompson, Ph.D. and I covered different ACT skills such as defusion, values, willingness and what you can do if you’re getting stuck in conquering your fears or you’re afraid of starting the process of facing your anxieties.

Key Takeaways

• What is willingness
• How to deal with uncertainty
• What to do when you’re powering through a fearful situation
• What is exposure
• Understanding fear-based reactions and safe behaviors
• Exploring the concept of exposure in overcoming fear
• Dealing with physical sensations during fearful situations
• The role of acceptance and commitment therapy in overcoming fear
• Understanding the concept of willingness in therapy
• Addressing fear of uncertainty and unpredictability
• Introduction to the upcoming book on act-informed exposure for anxiety
• Understanding act and exposure
• Dealing with chronic worry
• Effective problem solving vs. worry

Show notes with time stamps

00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions and Safe Behaviors

01:00 Exploring Exposure Therapy and Anxiety

01:09 Dealing with Physical Sensations During Panic Attacks

02:44 Strategies to Manage Anxiety and Fear

03:39 Addressing Intrusive Thoughts and Fears

04:16 Understanding Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

07:33 Exploring Willingness in Therapy

14:28 Addressing Fear of Uncertainty

17:28 Introduction to ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety

19:19 Discussing the Book and Its Approach

19:44 Recommendations for Approaching the Book

19:45 Understanding the Process of Exposure

20:38 The Role of Repetition in Exposure

21:37 Handling Chronic Worries and Ruminations

22:12 Using ACT for Chronic Worry

23:11 Writing Imaginal Scripts for Worries

26:13 Effective Problem Solving vs. Worry

26:50 Distinguishing Between Productive and Unproductive Worry

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ever catch yourself engaging in incessant mind chatter in a high-stakes situation? The kind that fills your head with self-doubt, comparisons, and anticipations of failure? You're not alone. We all do it. But what if there was a way to overcome these self-limiting beliefs and embrace life's challenges with confidence?

I had a chance to talk to Dr. Mitchell Greene, Ph.D. regarding performance anxiety, managing self-doubt, and comparison thoughts among athletes or overthinkers.

If you have been following the podcast, you know by now that by making room for your thoughts, rather than struggling against them, you can redirect your focus towards the present moment and towards what matters.

In today’s episode, we discussed other micro-skills to manage mental chatter with curiosity and courage.

Key Takeaways

• The pitfalls of positive thinking
• Managing mind chatter
• How to shift your attention from hypothetical worries to the present moment
• Redirecting your attention from “what if” to “what is”
• How to manage lapses in confidence
• A useful mindset to perform challenging tasks
• Exploring the concept of positive thinking
• Understanding mind chatter and its impact
• Strategies for managing mind chatter
• Applying mind chatter management in real-life scenarios

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Picture this scenario: you encounter an ambiguous and uncertain situation, and then, of course, you quickly try to solve it. You anticipate all types of scenarios and try to prepare for each one of them, without realizing you are worrying and consumed with anxiety.

Worry is primarily a thought-based process, and that’s what makes it tricky. Unpacking worry thoughts and distinguishing the unhelpful from the helpful ones are crucial.

We all worry from time to time, that’s unavoidable. But playing-it-safe by worrying all the time takes a hefty toll on your well-being, happiness, and relationships.

In this episode, I interview Dr. Chad Lejeune, Ph.D.

We discussed the subtleties of worrying, what keeps worry cycles, and the importance of developing a new relationship with your mind. In the second part of the interview, I shared with Chad an unexpected situation I encountered when traveling, and we used that as an opportunity to discuss micro-skills to manage uncertainty, what-if thoughts, and reassurance-seeking and information-seeking behaviors.

Key Takeaways

• How to develop a new relationship with thinking
• How to distinguish effective problem-solving from ineffective one
• Understanding fear and anxiety
• Defining worry and its impact
• The role of thoughts in worry
• Distinguishing between productive and nonproductive worry
• The consequences of worry
• Addressing beliefs about worry
• Changing our relationship with our thoughts
• Dealing with unexpected situations
• Embracing uncertainty and ambiguity
• The anxious brain and uncertainty
• Productive thoughts and problem-solving
• The power of narratives and storytelling
• The distinction between problem-solving and creating narratives
• The danger of excessive information-seeking
• The power of accepting uncertainty
• The importance of learning from the past

Show notes with time stamps

00:27 Understanding Fear and Anxiety

01:26 Defining Worry and Its Impact

02:27 Distinguishing Between Worry and Problem-Solving

05:50 The Consequences of Worry

06:43 Addressing Beliefs About Worry

11:27 Changing Our Relationship with Our Thoughts

17:41 Practical Example: Dealing with Unexpected Situations

22:59 The Power of Productive Thoughts

23:56 The Mind's Narratives and Their Impact

25:46 The Distinction Between Problem Solving and Worrying

28:15 The Power of Acceptance and Living in the Present

28:20 The Pitfalls of Excessive Information Seeking

29:12 The Role of Google in Reassurance Seeking

32:29 The Importance of Embracing Uncertainty

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We all experience anxiety in some form, in some way, and in some shape. Because anxiety, fears, and worries can be so uncomfortable, we quickly play-it-safe. And when you’re prone to deeply caring for what you do - as high-achievers, strivers, and perfectionists - then the fears of being a failure or not being good enough are amplified.

In this conversation, Annick Seys and I discussed the many layers in which these fears show up and how nourishing your observer-self can shift from self-criticism into self-acceptance, from self-judgment into self-compassion, and from emotional avoidance into curious behaviors.

Cultivating your observer-self isn't just about self-distancing; it is about your well-being and living a purpose-driven life.

Key Takeaways

• How to deal with the gap between expectations and reality
• How to practice self-acceptance
• How to unpack the fear of being a failure in the moment
• How to understand the fear of being a failure
• The problem with toxic positivity
• Relational Frame Theory of Language
• How to nourish your observer-self
• Understanding the observer-self
• The power of curiosity
• Self-compassion on-the-go

Show notes with time stamps

00:31 Understanding Fear-Based Reactions

01:00 The Struggles of Time Management

01:07 Dealing with Disappointments and Failures

05:31 Exploring Self-Acceptance

06:01 The Ongoing Exercise of Self-Acceptance

11:45 Unpacking the Fear of Failure

14:12 The Impact of Toxic Positivity

17:47 Tapping into the Observer Self

18:01 Exercises to Connect with the Observer Self

20:50 Understanding the Observer Self

24:03 Experiencing Different Moods

26:11 Relating to Past Experiences

29:59 Overcoming the Fear of Failure

(*) Show notes and resources of this episode

(*) Receive free weekly science-based, compassionate, and actionable skills to stop ineffective playing-it-safe

(*) Figure out your playing-it-safe profile in 5 minutes and identify the key thinking strategies that keep you living in your head

(*) Learn ACT skills for anxious achievers by taking Dr. Z. ACT courses

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.