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To learn about Dr. Veya's work, at Griffith University or her Paper on TikTok

This episode, Collett Smart teams up with Dr. Veya Seekis from Griffith University to discuss the transformative power of self-compassion in raising teens. Delve into actionable insights on acknowledging emotions, soothing techniques, and the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem. Listen as they explore practical steps for parents and teens to foster self-compassion, ensuring healthier emotional development and well-being.

Key Takeaways:

Definition of Self-Compassion: Self-compassion involves acknowledging one's pain, recognising it as a shared human experience, and offering oneself kindness, as one would to a friend.

Comparison with Self-Esteem: While self-esteem is contingent on success and external validation, self-compassion provides a stable, internal framework for managing stress and emotions.

Traffic Light System: This practical approach uses red for stopping and acknowledging feelings (mindfulness), amber for recognising shared humanity, and green for practicing self-kindness.

Benefits for Teens: Practicing self-compassion helps mitigate stress, prevents rumination, and may alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression, making it a vital skill for teenagers.

Pilot Program Insights: Dr. Seekis’ school program shows that self-compassion techniques can be successfully integrated into the curriculum and can impact teens' ability to manage stress effectively.

Notable Quotes:

"In a nutshell, self-compassion is really just learning to be your own best friend."

"When we are being self-compassionate, we are acknowledging that we're in pain, understanding that this pain is not unique to us, and showing ourselves some kindness."

"Self-compassion is an emotion regulation strategy. It helps us in those moments when we're stressed, disappointed, or in pain."

"The traffic light system uses red to stop and acknowledge feelings, amber to recognise shared humanity, and green to practice self-kindness."

"Self-esteem can only be high during positive outcomes, whereas self-compassion offers a way to manage emotions irrespective of external success or failure."

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

Open Communication: Essential for integrating tracking apps harmoniously within the family. Parents should discuss and agree with their teens on how and why apps are used.

Modelling Healthy Tech Use: Parents should exemplify balanced, respectful tech habits, reinforcing mutual trust in the family.

Evaluate Pros and Cons: Weigh the benefits and concerns of tracking apps with your teens to ensure their comfort and privacy are considered.

Regular Review and Adjustment: Periodically reassess the necessity and impact of these apps to adapt to your teen’s growing need for independence.

Focus on Mutual Trust: These tools should foster trust and respect, not control; ensuring healthy emotional and developmental growth for teens.

Notable Quotes:

"Our children don't live in the same time as we grew up in, and so we have to parent differently for a different time."

"Boundaries are always about love and support and age-appropriate safety."

"Family use of the location apps doesn't imply mistrust, but rather reflects our commitment to their well-being and that we love them."

"It's very healthy for children to express these feelings and want some independence."

"This is just one small aspect of teaching children the importance of mutual respect and open communication, because those are the foundations of healthy relationships."

Past Episodes Mentioned in Episode

Digital Nutrition - Listen on Spotify

Internet Gaming Disorder - Listen on Spotify

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

Importance of Grandparents: Grandparents provide emotional stability, a sense of continuity, and resilience-building for grandchildren.

Building Relationships: Key strategies include discovering the grandchild's interests, participating in their milestone events, and documenting family histories.

Respect and Boundaries: Grandparents must respect the parenting styles and boundaries set by parents to avoid conflicts.

Dealing with Technology: Collaboration with parents on screen time rules is essential, alongside encouraging non-screen-related activities.

Supporting Special Needs: Grandparents should educate themselves about neurodiversity and adapt their interactions to meet the needs of their grandchildren.

Notable Quotes:

"A key component of resilience is having an adult in your life that I've referred to as a charismatic adult, someone from whom you can draw strength." – Dr. Michael Carr-Gregg

"Your job as a grandparent is to celebrate diversity, to recognise that, for example, ASD affects one in every 100 Australians." – Dr. Michael Carr-Gregg

"The most important thing is to remain neutral. You can't take sides. You've got to prioritise the wellbeing of the children." – Dr. Michael Carr-Gregg

"What grandparents should never do is undermine parental authority, offer unsolicited advice, criticise parental choices." – Dr. Michael Carr-Gregg

"The birth of a grandchild results in a sort of heartfelt, unconditional love that actually is an equal sequel to what they felt for their own children." – Dr. Michael Carr-Gregg

Resources:

Dr. Michael Carr-Gregg’s Book: Grandparents

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

Gratitude's Impact on Well-Being: Practicing gratitude can significantly improve happiness, optimism, and even physical health. Collett references research showing that people who focus on gratitude feel better about their lives and visit the doctor less frequently.

Empathy and Mirror Neurons: Empathy is crucial for fostering caring relationships and is neurologically wired into our brains through mirror neurons. Learning to understand and share others' feelings can significantly enhance social bonds and personal growth.

Mindfulness Through STOP: The STOP acronym (Stop, Take a breath, Observe, Proceed) is a practical tool for parents and teens to integrate mindfulness into their lives, helping reduce stress and improve emotional regulation.

Modeling Desired Behaviors: Parents and carers play a critical role in teaching these traits by modeling gratitude, empathy, and mindfulness themselves. Collett emphasizes the importance of adults demonstrating these behaviors consistently.

Practical Techniques: Collett provides specific, actionable strategies, such as writing thank-you notes, keeping a gratitude journal, and observing the physical manifestation of emotions through breathing exercises.

Notable Quotes:

"Gratitude is a thankful appreciation for what we receive, whether it's tangible or intangible."

"True empathy involves being able to take the perspective of others."

"It's important for us to give empathy to people who think differently to us. That is true empathy."

"The most effective method for teaching empathy is actually to show them empathy."

"Practicing gratitude every day, just for a two-week period, actually pulls the brain out of negative thinking."

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

About Hugh Van Cuylenberg and The Resilience Project

Purchase the GEM Conversation Cards from The Resilience Project

Key Takeaways:

Integrating GEM Thoughts: Practicing Gratitude, Empathy, and Mindfulness can significantly improve mental well-being and resilience.

Parental Involvement: Engaged parenting and modeling resilience can positively influence children’s ability to handle life’s challenges.

Importance of Structure: Establishing family routines like shared meals and structured activities helps maintain connection and teaches important social-emotional skills.

Mental Health Awareness: Understanding that resilience does not eliminate struggles with mental health but equips one to handle them more effectively.

Adapting to Change: Being flexible and adapting parenting strategies to meet the changing needs of children and adolescents ensures better support and fosters resilience.

Notable Quotes:

"When I was with these kids in India, I saw them practicing gratitude, empathy, and mindfulness every day, and they were so unbelievably happy." - Hugh Van Cuylenberg

"I want my kids to experience life's ups and downs because I think they help make the highs so much higher." - Hugh Van Cuylenberg

"The best memories I have of childhood would not have happened if I had a device in my hand." - Hugh Van Cuylenberg

"My goal is to give teenagers those 36 months of their life back by keeping them off social media until they are 16." - Hugh Van Cuylenberg

"Practicing GEM—Gratitude, Empathy, and Mindfulness—doesn't mean you won't struggle. It means you'll have the tools to handle those struggles better." - Hugh Van Cuylenberg

Resources:

The Resilience Project: theresilienceproject.com.au

Hugh van Cuylenberg on Instagram: @theresilienceproject__

The Imperfects Podcast

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

Safety: Create a safe physical and emotional space for your child to feel comfortable discussing trauma.

Trustworthiness: Build a trusting relationship with a gentle approach, clear communication, and respect for privacy.

Choice: Allow your child to have a say in when and how they discuss their trauma and the steps they take.

Collaboration: Work alongside your child, letting them be part of the process in seeking help and making decisions.

Empowerment: Encourage your child to feel empowered to take steps toward healing and rebuilding their self-esteem.

Notable Quotes:

"Be the rock, not the ocean." – Collett Smart quoting Nigel Latta

"Helping a child feel safe is the essence of a trauma-informed approach." – Collett Smart

"Wariness on the part of your child is their way of keeping safe now and protecting themselves because they have to learn to trust again." – Collett Smart

"The main thing as a parent is really just about support, about love and about kindness and being part of your child's journey towards healing." – Collett Smart

"Your child doesn't need a perfect parent, they just need a parent who is engaged, who they feel safe with, who they feel is there for them." – Collett Smart

Resources:

Blue Knot Foundation: Blue Knot Foundation Fact Sheet on Trauma-Informed Care

Grounding Exercises: From the Living Well website

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Get Tickets to Jo's show at her website - Dr Jo Prendergast - Dr Jo Prendergast

Grab her book When Life Sucks: Parenting Your Teen Through Tough Times

Key Takeaways:

• Trauma Awareness: Understand the distinction between Big T trauma (life-threatening events) and Little t trauma (non-life-threatening but emotionally distressing events).

• Trauma Responses: Familiarize with the five F's of trauma responses: Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn, and Flop, and recognize how trauma affects teens differently.

• Parental Role: Emphasize the importance of being an askable and tellable parent, maintaining a calm demeanor, and providing consistent support.

• Four Foundations of Support: Focus on building strong relationships, equipping teens with necessary skills, managing unhelpful behaviors, and ensuring parents' self-care.

• Professional Help: Recognize when to seek professional support for trauma symptoms, particularly if they persist beyond a few weeks and significantly impact daily functioning.

Notable Quotes:

1. "Sometimes things that aren't on our bucket list suddenly appear in our lives."

2. "Parenting is messy. I am not a perfect parent telling you how to be like me. I am a real parent who's made mistakes."

3. "Trauma can bring on almost any mental health challenge in terms of something that triggers it."

4. "Am I being the rock or the ocean here? I think I'm being the ocean."

5. "PTSD can be very treatable, but it can become a chronic, very disabling thing if people get stuck with it."

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

Definition and Importance of Mental Health Carers: Understanding the critical role of a mental health carer and the importance of recognizing yourself as one.

Self-Care for Carers: Emphasizing that self-care isn't selfish but necessary for effective support.

VIP Framework: Applying the VIP framework—Vitality, Intimacy, Prosperity—to ensure holistic well-being.

Support Strategies: Practical advice for offering encouragement and support to loved ones with mental health issues.

Community Contribution: Recognizing the value of contributing to community and group activities for overall well-being.

Notable Quotes:

"A mental health carer is someone who really cares about a young person and wants to make a difference, wants to be supportive." — Graeme Cowan

"Self-care isn't selfish. If we don't care for ourselves, there's no way that we can offer support and patience." — Graeme Cowan

"Vitality, intimacy, prosperity—VIP. Act like a VIP each day to ensure your holistic well-being." — Graeme Cowan

"Carers need to realize that encouragement and support can make a really big difference, of course, as well as having good mental health professionals." — Graeme Cowan

"Having caring relationships around us is so important to be able to share your burden and what you're going through as well." — Graeme Cowan

Resources:

• Website: graemecowan.com.au

• Books: Back from the Brink Too

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.