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  • Addicted to Hopium: How Trauma Bonds Keep You Waiting for Change That Isn't Coming

    Addicted to Hopium: How Trauma Bonds Keep You Waiting for Change That Isn't Coming
    2026/08/10
    Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "Maybe this time he really means it" — and then hated yourself for thinking it again? You are not weak. You are not foolish. You are caught in something far more powerful than willpower alone. In this deeply honest and compassionate episode, Leslie Vernick names two forces that work together to keep women stuck in destructive relationships: Hopium — the counterfeit hope dressed in spiritual language — and the trauma bond that keeps feeding it. You will walk away understanding what is actually happening in your mind, your body, and your faith, and you will leave with a clear framework, real questions to ask yourself, and the courage to trade a false hope for a genuine one. Key Takeaways Hopium Is Not Biblical Hope. Hopium sounds like faith. It uses words like trust, submission, forgiveness, and patience — but it places all the weight of your husband's choices onto your faith. True biblical hope, the kind found in Psalm 33, is rooted in God's character alone, not in a husband's potential or his latest promise. Leslie draws a clear and important line: God can change a heart, but God never forces a heart to change. Confusing those two things will crush you. Biblical hope gives you the courage to face reality; Hopium asks you to deny it. Trauma Bonds Are Real, and They Are Not Your Fault A trauma bond is a specific kind of toxic attachment created by three conditions working together: an imbalance of power, intermittent reinforcement (the cycle of warmth and cruelty that hijacks your nervous system), and coercive control, which in Christian settings often includes the weaponizing of Scripture. Leslie explains that trauma bonds are frequently mislabeled as godly virtues — long-suffering, loyalty, unconditional love — which is precisely what makes them so hard to name and so hard to leave. Even the Israelites, after escaping slavery, idealized Egypt and wanted to go back. That is not weakness; that is a predictable, understandable response to long-term trauma. Hopium and Trauma Bonds Feed Each Other These are not two separate problems. The trauma bond creates the neurological and emotional pull toward him regardless of what he does; Hopium gives that pull a spiritual costume. Instead of "I cannot stop wanting him even though he hurts me," it becomes "I believe God will restore this marriage." Instead of "my nervous system is hijacked," it becomes "I just need more faith." Leslie uses the disciples on the road to Emmaus as a powerful anchor: the hope they expected died, but Jesus was still walking right beside them. Your marriage may not become what you prayed for, and that grief is real — but God has not abandoned you. He offers his presence, his truth, and a different kind of hope than the one you expected. How to Tell Whether Change Is Real Leslie answers six listener questions with remarkable clarity, including the one so many women are afraid to ask: how do I know if his change is genuine? She introduces the framework of old history versus new history — what patterns defined the past, and what consistent new patterns are you seeing now, not just during the honeymoon phase and not just when he fears consequences? Genuine change looks like humility without minimizing, ownership without blaming, patience with your healing, and changed behavior that persists even when no one is watching. Using the language of change without the fruit of change is not change — it is manipulation. The HOPE Framework: A Practical Path Forward Leslie closes with a simple, memorable framework to help you take your next step. Honesty: what is actually true right now, what is the real pattern, what is the real impact on you and your children? Ownership: what is his work to do, and what is yours, and what have you been carrying that does not belong to you? Protection: what needs protecting right now: your body, your mind, your children, your finances, your faith? Empowered next step: what is one wise decision you can make today, whether he changes or not? You do not need his transformation to begin your own. Personal Invitation If this episode stirred something in you — if you have been trying harder and praying harder and still feeling crazy, powerless, or trapped — I want you to know there is a next step waiting for you. I am hosting a free webinar called the Four Lies that Make Christian Women Feel Crazy and Powerless in Their Destructive Relationships. We are going to unpack exactly why these beliefs sound so biblical, how they are shaping the way you respond, and what Scripture actually offers instead. This is for the woman who loves God and loves her marriage but is starting to wonder if something has gone deeply wrong. Come and find out what is really true. Register here: https://leslievernick.com/problem Closing Encouragement Wherever you are today — still in the relationship, newly separated, grieving a marriage you never wanted to lose — God sees you. He ...
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    30 分
  • From Crazy-Making to Clarity: One Woman's Journey Out of a Destructive Marriage

    From Crazy-Making to Clarity: One Woman's Journey Out of a Destructive Marriage
    2026/07/27
    From Crazy-Making to Clarity: One Woman's Journey Out of a Destructive Marriage What do you do when you cry out to God at two in the morning — not because you are praying, but because you are too afraid to go to sleep? That is exactly where Shelley found herself: a musician, a mother, a woman of deep faith living in Australia with a vision impairment, and a marriage that had quietly unraveled into something dangerous and demeaning. In this episode, Leslie sits down with Shelley to hear the story she could not tell for years — the moment she finally named what was happening, the community that reminded her she was not crazy, and the God who showed up in the most practical and tender ways imaginable. If you have been told to pray harder, submit more, and trust that God will fix it, this conversation will meet you exactly where you are and point you toward something better. Key Takeaways The Moment You Realize It Is Not Just a Hard Marriage For Shelley, the turning point came wrapped in a birthday gift — a beautiful purple shirt with a Proverbs 31 verse on it. When she asked her husband why he chose it, he told her he thought she needed a reminder to be kind to their children. That single moment cracked open years of confusion. Looking back, she recognized a pattern: extravagant public gifts followed by being called high maintenance, and birthdays that ended in tears. If you have been dismissing a pattern as immaturity or spiritual immaturity, Shelley's story gently invites you to look more honestly at what the pattern actually reveals. You Cannot Conquer Your Marriage Until You Conquer Your Own Blind Spots One of the most courageous and unexpected things Shelley shared was her discovery inside the Conquer community of the drama triangle — and her own role in it. She had been rescuing, managing, and attempting to control her husband's behavior as a way of managing her own fear. As she put it, she realized she was in Conquer not to conquer her marriage, but to conquer her own pride, blind spots, and reactions. This is the kind of honest, growth-oriented work that goes beyond surviving — it is the work of becoming. As Leslie reminds us, being a true victim does not mean we have no work of our own to do. Healing work and growth work are both necessary. You Are Not Crazy — You Need Community That Understands Shelley described the relief of finding a group of women walking a similar path not simply as encouragement but as sanity. Talking to a therapist every two weeks was not enough. She needed women who were wrestling the same questions with God, some two steps ahead of her and some two steps behind. The isolation of a destructive marriage — especially inside a church community that offers only submission and prayer — can make a woman doubt her own perception of reality. Being seen and heard by women who understand is not a luxury. It is part of the path back to clarity. God Provides Through People — Even When the Church Has Failed You Shelley's exit from her marriage was not clean or simple. She faced a three-year property battle, children who chose to stay with their father, emergency housing challenges, and a previous church that told her to submit. And yet, God placed person after person in her path — a domestic violence support worker's wife, a church that paid her rent, a rental manager who went out of her way, a prayer meeting friend who became her disability support worker and sat with her through her final court appearance. Shelley's story is a living reminder that God's provision rarely looks the way we expect, and it almost always arrives through the hands and feet of ordinary people. Your Life Has a Purpose Beyond the Role You Were Robbed Of Shelley is now pursuing her long-deferred dream of recording her original songs — music born from the middle of the painful years, written to reach other women still caught in the confusion. Her reflection is worth sitting with: she had been waiting all these years for someone else to make room in their calendar for her dreams. She has decided to stop waiting. If you have spent years making yourself smaller to keep the peace, Shelley's invitation to you is a generous and courageous one — there is only one you, and no one can represent Jesus to this world the way that you can. You deserve to reach your full potential. Personal Invitation If Shelley's story stirred something in you — if you recognized yourself in the confusion, the isolation, the spiritual wrestling — you do not have to keep navigating this alone. We've created a resource designed specifically for women in your situation. Get the Quickstart Guide: https://leslievernick.com/guide You are not crazy, and you are not alone. What you are living through is real, and naming it is not betrayal — it is the beginning of truth. Shelley walked out of years of confusion, spiritual manipulation, and isolation into a life of peace, purpose, and genuine ...
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    31 分
  • How to thrive as the default parent: When you're doing it all in a neurodiverse family - with Stephanie Holmes

    How to thrive as the default parent: When you're doing it all in a neurodiverse family - with Stephanie Holmes
    2026/07/13
    How to Thrive as the Default Parent When you're doing it all in a neurodiverse family with Stephanie Holmes What do you do when you are the only one who sees what your child needs, the only one managing the appointments, the IEPs, the protocols, the meltdowns, the mental load — and the other parent is sitting right there in the same house? If that question landed somewhere deep in your chest, this episode was made for you. Leslie sits down with Dr. Stephanie Holmes, a certified autism specialist, trained therapist for neurodiverse couples, and founder of Autism Spectrum Resources — a woman who has also lived this road personally as both a wife and a mother. Together they pull back the curtain on what it really costs a woman to carry the full weight of parenting a neurodiverse child alongside a disengaged or neurodiverse spouse, what it takes to finally speak up, and how you can protect your own mental, emotional, and spiritual health even when you cannot change your husband or your circumstances. You will walk away from this conversation feeling seen, equipped with practical perspective shifts, and reminded that your faithfulness to your children matters more than you can imagine. Key Takeaways The Mental and Emotional Cost of Being the Default Parent Is Real — and It Is Not Weakness Stephanie describes nearly reaching a complete breakdown after years of functioning as the sole executive for her entire household — managing three neurodiverse family members, running a counseling practice, and absorbing every logistical, emotional, and spiritual demand without asking for help. The toll showed up as migraines, exhaustion, depression, and a crisis of faith. If you have been white-knuckling it through your days and wondering why you are falling apart when you look like you are holding it together, this is not a character flaw. It is the predictable result of one person carrying what two people were designed to share. Lies Dressed as Biblical Mandates Can Keep You Trapped and Suffering Longer Than Necessary Stephanie carried a painful burden for years because a pastor told her in premarital counseling that if she chose to work outside the home, she could never ask her husband to carry any of the domestic load. She signed onto that belief at nineteen, never anticipating children, neurodiversity, or the reality of what their life would actually require. Leslie names this pattern directly — cultural ideas packaged as spiritual law that keep good women silent, overloaded, and ashamed to ask for what they need. Naming the lie is the first step toward freedom. Making the Mental Load Visible Can Open a Door That Silence Never Could The turning point in Stephanie's marriage came not from an argument or an ultimatum, but from a simple, concrete act: she wrote every task down and laid both lists on the table. For her husband, seeing the imbalance visually was the thing that finally made it real. If your husband has not responded to your exhaustion or your words, it does not automatically mean he is cruel — it may mean he genuinely cannot perceive what he has never been shown. This does not excuse a lack of action, but it does suggest that a different kind of communication may open a different kind of conversation. You Cannot Control the External, But You Can Steward What Is Internal Leslie offers one of the most grounding frameworks in the episode: when we are overwhelmed by everything we cannot control — our husband's choices, what happens on his parenting time, whether the school cooperates — we tend to redouble our efforts to control the external, which only deepens our distress. The real work, the work that actually moves the needle, happens inside. Choosing to build community, finding your support people, deciding who you want to be in the middle of this hard season — these are the things within your reach. As Stephanie says, she eventually made a decision: I am going to survive this and I am going to thrive despite this. You Do Not Have to Earn Permission to Get Help, Go to Church, or Take Your Kids on Vacation One of the most practically liberating moments in this conversation is when Stephanie realizes that her husband's unwillingness to participate does not mean she and her children cannot participate in life. He had never told her she could not take the girls on vacation — she had simply assumed that a good Christian wife would not go without him. When she stopped waiting for his yes and started making choices for her children's good, things began to shift. If your husband is not leading, someone still has to keep the plane in the air. Choosing to do that is not a failure of submission — it is a faithful act of stewardship. Personal Invitation If this conversation stirred something in you — if you recognized yourself in the exhaustion, the false beliefs, the longing for someone to finally name what you have been living — we want you to know there is a place to...
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    44 分
  • The Dignity Line: How to Recognize When Your Relationship Has Crossed It With Dawn Madsen

    The Dignity Line: How to Recognize When Your Relationship Has Crossed It With Dawn Madsen
    2026/06/29
    The Dignity Line How to Recognize When Your Relationship Has Crossed It with Dawn Madsen Show Notes Have you ever found yourself unable to explain to a counselor, a friend, or even yourself exactly why your relationship feels so wrong — only to be met with "every marriage has problems" or "have you tried harder to communicate"? You are not alone, and you are not imagining it. In this powerful conversation, Leslie sits down with Dawn Madsen — known to over a million women each month as The Minimal Mom — who spent years inside a relationship she could feel but could not fully name, until she developed a tool called the Dignity Line. Together, Leslie and Dawn walk through what it looks like when a relationship crosses from difficult into destructive, why even the most capable and faith-filled women stay far longer than they ever expected, and how rebuilding something as simple as your physical space can become the first thread in reclaiming your confidence, your voice, and your sense of self. Key Takeaways What the Dignity Line Is — and Why It Changes Everything Dawn describes the Dignity Line as a clear threshold that separates normal relational breakdowns — where both partners can own their part, repair the rupture, and move forward — from patterns of treatment that communicate "your needs are negotiable and your pain is not my responsibility." Above the line, disagreements happen but do not involve name-calling, gaslighting, blame-shifting, or chronic entitlement. Below the line, those patterns repeat without genuine accountability or change. What makes this tool so meaningful for women in destructive relationships is that it moves the conversation away from diagnosis or labels entirely. You do not need to prove he is a narcissist. You simply need to look honestly at how you are being treated and whether your dignity is consistently honored or consistently dismissed. Why You Stayed — and Why That Is Not a Failure One of the most compassionate and clarifying moments in this conversation is when Dawn and Leslie name together why leaving takes so long — and why that timeline deserves understanding rather than shame. When a relationship is not always bad, the good seasons create genuine confusion. The highs feel like proof that the real person is still in there, and that if you can just be the right kind of wife, you can call that person forward. What Leslie adds is equally important: those good seasons are often a strategy, not a transformation. The love-bombing, the apologies, the warmth — these can function to keep you cooperative, not because real change has taken root. Tracking patterns over time, as Dawn recommends, is not being unforgiving. It is being honest. Why Traditional Tools Like Boundaries and Marriage Counseling Often Fail Here Dawn shares a story that will resonate deeply — setting a boundary, feeling proud of herself for finally doing it, and then finding herself comforting him on the way to the hardware store twenty minutes later. Her point is not that boundaries are useless; it is that boundaries only function as intended when both partners are operating above the dignity line. In a destructive dynamic, a boundary is often met with punishment, victim-posturing, or a quiet escalation that gets taken out on the children. This is not a failure of your boundary-setting. It is data. As Leslie reminds listeners: when you try something new and it gets worse rather than better, that is not evidence you did it wrong. It is evidence about the relationship — and evidence you can use. Rebuilding Confidence in Practical, Everyday Ways Dawn brings a gift to this conversation that is entirely her own: the insight that simplifying and decluttering your physical environment is one of the most accessible ways to begin reclaiming your inner world. When you have been gaslit for years, your confidence in your own judgment erodes. But you can begin rebuilding it in small, low-stakes decisions — keep this, donate that, this vase brings me no joy and I do not have to justify that to anyone. Each small decision is a practice in trusting yourself. Each moment you choose to live with someone's disappointment over the clutter you removed is a rehearsal for the much harder moments ahead. Your outer world and your inner world are in conversation with each other, and bringing one into order can quietly, faithfully begin to restore the other. The Role of Faith, Forgiveness, and Enabling Leslie gently names something many Christian women have never heard said plainly in a church context: the virtues of long-suffering, forgiveness, and turning the other cheek can be weaponized against you — and can, if left unexamined, become a means of enabling ongoing harm to yourself and your children. As Leslie points out, even Jesus did not change Judas. He invited him, he saw him clearly, and he let him go. Praying faithfully for a spouse who refuses to change is not a failure of ...
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    53 分
  • Tired of Being Dismissed? How to Stop Over-Functioning and Start Protecting Your Heart

    Tired of Being Dismissed? How to Stop Over-Functioning and Start Protecting Your Heart
    2026/06/15
    Tired of Being Dismissed? How to Stop Over-Functioning and Start Protecting Your Heart

    Have you ever found yourself explaining your needs — again — to someone who just doesn't seem to care? Or quietly wondering, *Is something wrong with me for wanting to be seen?* If that question has lived in your chest for too long, this episode is for you.

    In this warm, honest conversation, Leslie Vernick coaches Diana and Leanne sit down to tackle three of the most common — and most painful — questions they hear from women every day: Does lacking boundaries make me codependent? What's a healthy response when my needs are dismissed over and over? And where is the line between being responsible and over-functioning? You'll walk away with real clarity, practical language to use in hard moments, and the faith-rooted reminder that God never intended for you to erase yourself to keep the peace.

    ---

    Key Takeaways

    A Lack of Boundaries Is Often About Survival — Not a Character Flaw

    Codependency isn't a label to shame yourself with — it's often a survival strategy that developed when you learned that love meant silence, sacrifice, and self-forgetting. As Coach Diana reminds us, many women were simply never taught that they were allowed to have needs. Mark 12:31 calls us to love others as we love ourselves — and that verse quietly assumes there is a self worth caring for. Boundaries aren't the opposite of love; they're how you love wisely without disappearing.

    You Don't Have to Beg for What Love Gives Freely

    When your needs are dismissed again and again, your body begins to believe a lie — that you don't matter. Coach Leanne shares honestly that chronic dismissal wears down the soul and scrambles the mind. The healthy response isn't to fight harder for recognition; it's to notice the pattern, name what's happening, and then limit your vulnerability with people who have shown they won't honor it. Psalm 34 reminds us that God is close to the brokenhearted — and you always have an audience with Him, even when others keep turning away.

    Speak Up — Then Let It Be on Them

    Coaches Diana and Leanne offer a powerful, practical framework: state your need clearly and honestly, make a note in your journal that you've said it, and then stop repeating yourself. You are not responsible for making someone understand what they are choosing not to hear. A simple, grounded statement — "I won't continue this conversation without mutual respect in the room" — is not drama. It is dignity. And once you've named it, the next step belongs to them.

    The Difference Between Helping and Rescuing

    Over-functioning crosses a line the moment you start doing for someone else what they are fully capable of doing for themselves — and it costs you something precious. As Coach Leanne puts it: *help empowers, rescuing enables.* If exhaustion, resentment, and fear have become your constant companions, that is your signal. Jesus is the Savior. You were never meant to fill that role — and sometimes stepping back is the most loving and courageous thing you can do, both for yourself and for the person you care about.

    You Get to Steward This One Precious Life

    One of the most beautiful threads woven through this entire conversation is this: you get to have a self. God doesn't ask you to be erased — He invites you to be grounded. Knowing who you are, what you value, and what you are and aren't responsible for is not selfishness. It is faithful stewardship of the life He gave you. When the fog of over-functioning and people-pleasing lifts, you make room to hear His voice again.

    ---

    Personal Invitation

    Friend, if self-doubt, perfectionism, comparison, or people-pleasing have been quietly running your life — this is your moment to take one brave step forward.

    I want to personally invite you to join us for Moving Beyond Insecurity Coaching Week — five days of practical teaching, live coaching, and biblical encouragement designed to help you stop living from insecurity and start walking with clarity, courage, and confidence in Christ. And it's only $17.

    You don't have to keep shrinking back. Come take that one brave step with us:

    https://leslievernick.com/insecurity

    ---

    You are not too much. You are not asking for too much. And you are not alone in this.

    God sees the quiet ache of being overlooked. He is close to the brokenhearted, and He is not asking you to disappear — He is inviting you to show up, rooted in who He says you are, with your voice intact and your dignity restored. Change is possible. Healing is possible. And with His guidance and a little courage, so is the life where your needs are not just tolerated — but honored.

    We are so glad you're here.
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    26 分
  • When Conflict Feels Unsafe: How to Stay Open-Hearted Without Abandoning Yourself

    When Conflict Feels Unsafe: How to Stay Open-Hearted Without Abandoning Yourself
    2026/06/01
    When Conflict Feels Unsafe: How to Stay Open-Hearted Without Abandoning Yourself

    Have you ever known the “right” way to communicate, but in the heat of conflict, those tools seem to disappear? In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Leslie sits down with psychologist, speaker, and author Dr. Kelly Flanagan to talk about what really happens inside of us when we get triggered—and how one small, sacred moment of choice can shift us from reactivity toward connection.

    Together, Leslie and Kelly explore why communication often breaks down within us before it breaks down between us, how to recognize when our hearts are closing, and why open-heartedness never means becoming a doormat. This conversation is especially meaningful for women navigating destructive, painful, or confusing relationships who want to grow in wisdom, courage, and Christlike strength without abandoning themselves.

    Key Takeaways
    1. Communication Breaks Down Inside Us First

    Dr. Flanagan explains that many people already have communication skills, but when they feel threatened, hurt, or misunderstood, they “close the toolbox” right when they need it most. The real work is not just learning better words—it is learning to notice what is happening inside our bodies, hearts, and nervous systems when we become triggered.

    That moment of awareness creates a pause. And in that pause, we begin to recover our God-given agency to choose a different response.

    1. You Can Notice When Your Heart Starts to Close

    Kelly describes a triggered moment as a process: the nervous system activates, the heart begins to shift into protection mode, and then we make a quick, often unconscious choice about whether to close down or stay open.

    Leslie connects this with the biblical wisdom of Proverbs: “Above all else, guard your heart.” Guarding your heart does not mean hardening it. It means learning when to pause, when to regulate, and when to make wise choices about what you allow in and what you release.

    1. Open-Heartedness Does Not Mean Weak Boundaries

    One of the most powerful parts of this conversation is the distinction between an open heart and a lack of boundaries. Dr. Flanagan reminds listeners that the condition of your heart is an inner posture, while boundaries are outer actions.

    An open heart does not make your boundaries weaker—it makes them wiser. For women in destructive or emotionally unsafe relationships, this is crucial. Christlike love does not require self-abandonment, enabling, or pretending harm is not happening.

    1. Calm Yourself Before You Try to Connect

    Conflict escalates when we try to calm ourselves by controlling someone else’s behavior. Kelly uses the illustration of a furnace: when the “control board” inside us is malfunctioning, we often try to change the weather outside instead of tending to what is happening inside.

    Before we can connect well, we must first regulate. That may mean taking a break, breathing, praying, going to another room, or simply saying, “I’m triggered right now, and I need a little time before I can respond well.”

    1. Your Growth Is Never Wasted

    Leslie and Kelly offer hope for the woman who has tried everything to get her husband to communicate better, become safer, or look at himself honestly. While you cannot control another person’s choices, you can still do your own work.

    Even if the relationship does not heal the way you hoped, God does not waste your growth. As you become more whole, wise, and grounded, you are better equipped to make faithful, courageous decisions about what comes next.

    Dr. Kelly Flanagan is offering listeners a free video tutorial that walks through the nine-step process from his book, The Road Less Triggered, helping you begin moving from reactivity toward connection.

    To receive the resource, email: drkellybonus@gmail.com

    You will also be temporarily subscribed to his online community, The Less Triggered Tribe, with the option to unsubscribe at any time.

    Friend, being triggered does not mean you are failing. It means something inside of you is asking for care, attention, and wisdom.

    You do not have to stay stuck in reactivity, fear, silence, or blame. With God’s help, you can learn to pause, regulate, speak truth, set wise boundaries, and grow into a more whole version of yourself. You are not alone, and even in painful relationships, your healing and growth still matter.
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    38 分
  • Parenting with Someone Who Is Emotionally or Spiritually Unsafe

    Parenting with Someone Who Is Emotionally or Spiritually Unsafe
    2026/05/18
    Parenting with Someone Who Is Emotionally or Spiritually Unsafe How do you parent well when the other parent is manipulative, emotionally unsafe, spiritually abusive, addictive, or simply unwilling to grow? It’s one of the most painful and exhausting realities many women face after separation, divorce, or even within a difficult marriage. In this powerful conversation, Leslie is joined by Michael and Kristin Cary of Living Truth Together to talk honestly about why “friendly co-parenting” is not always realistic—or safe—when the other parent continues destructive patterns. Together, they offer practical boundaries, faith-rooted wisdom, and compassionate guidance for moms who want to protect their children without badmouthing the other parent or getting pulled into more chaos. Key Takeaways Friendly Co-Parenting Isn’t Always Possible—or Safe Many women are told that if they communicate clearly, stay kind, and “do their part,” co-parenting will become peaceful. But when someone was unsafe in the marriage, separation or divorce doesn’t magically make them safe, reasonable, or cooperative. Michael reminds us that issues like sex, money, parenting, addiction, manipulation, and emotional abuse don’t disappear just because a couple is no longer together. In many cases, trying to co-parent closely with an unsafe person only creates more opportunities for harm. Boundaries Protect Your Soul and Reduce Unnecessary Conflict Kristin shares from her own experience of parenting with a toxic ex-spouse and explains how she learned to put strong boundaries around communication. That meant not answering phone calls, avoiding one-on-one texting when possible, using another person in written communication, meeting in public places, and limiting conversations to only what was necessary. These boundaries are not punishment. They are protection. As Leslie points out, when someone has repeatedly shown that engaging with them only brings arrows and harm, wisdom means accepting reality and choosing a safer way forward. Loving Yourself Is Not Unchristian Many women feel an over-spiritualized obligation to keep sacrificing themselves—to answer every question, calm every outburst, defend every accusation, or rescue the unsafe person from his own consequences. But Jesus told us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Kristin names a powerful truth: you have agency now. You have authority over your time, energy, body, and emotional well-being. Sacrifice is beautiful when it leads to life and love, but it is not godly wisdom to continually sacrifice yourself to someone who uses your availability to harm you. You Can’t Fully Protect Your Children, But You Can Equip Them One of the hardest truths for any mother is realizing she cannot completely shield her children from the other parent’s toxicity. Kristin shares the deep surrender of recognizing that God loves her son even more than she does—and that while she can make wise choices, she cannot control everything he experiences. That doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means helping your children recognize what is healthy and unhealthy, teaching them that they have choices, listening without using their pain as a weapon, and helping them build their own safety and discernment over time. Don’t Put Your Children in the Middle When the other parent blames, lies, or spiritually shames you in front of the children, it can be tempting to defend yourself by telling the whole story. But children should not have to carry adult burdens. Kristin offers a wise, age-appropriate response: “Adult problems are really complex, and sometimes adults hurt each other in ways children shouldn’t have to understand. This is not your fault. It is not your responsibility to fix it. I love you.” Leslie adds that if something untrue is said, you can calmly say, “That’s not true. Dad is hurt and angry, and he’s saying some things that aren’t true,” without attacking his character. You Still Need Support, Rest, and Joy Parenting is hard. Parenting in a destructive or broken relationship is even harder. Kristin encourages women to get support, remove nonessentials where possible, and intentionally seek moments of real joy—not numbing or avoiding, but small places of delight and refuge with God. Michael reminds us that self-care does not always require large blocks of time. Sometimes it looks like five minutes in the sunshine, a cup of coffee in prayer, a worship song, or a quiet breath before the next hard thing. Personal Invitation If this episode stirred something in you and you’re wondering, “Where do I even begin?” we want to help you take a clear next step. Download Leslie’s Quickstart Guide to begin gaining clarity, courage, and practical direction for your situation. You don’t have to figure everything out at once. Start with one wise step. Download the Quickstart Guide here: https://leslievernick.com/guide Friend, your situation may feel ...
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    29 分
  • Finding Life, Hope, and Healing After Divorce with Jessica Kastner

    Finding Life, Hope, and Healing After Divorce with Jessica Kastner
    2026/05/04
    Finding Life, Hope, and Healing After Divorce with Jessica Kastner

    Have you ever wondered if your story is over because your marriage ended? Divorce can feel like a death—of dreams, identity, family, and future. But in this tender and hope-filled conversation, Leslie sits down with author and speaker Jessica Kastner to talk honestly about divorce, grief, shame, healing, and the beautiful truth that God is still writing your story.

    Jessica shares vulnerably from her own journey through divorce, including the pain of rejection, the temptation to rush into another relationship, and the slow, sacred work of learning that God alone is enough. Together, Leslie and Jessica offer compassion, clarity, and biblical hope for women who feel broken, disqualified, or afraid that life will never feel whole again.

    Key Takeaways Divorce Is Not Your Identity

    Jessica reminds women that divorce may be part of your story, but it is not who you are. Your worth is not determined by whether someone chose you, stayed with you, or left you. God created you with purpose, dignity, and calling—and divorce does not cancel that.

    Grieving Is Necessary Before Rebuilding

    Too often, women try to numb the pain of divorce through dating, busyness, or distraction. Jessica honestly shares how rushing into relationships after her first divorce kept her from grieving and healing. Her encouragement is clear: give yourself time, sit with God in the pain, and allow Him to become your refuge.

    You Don’t Need a Man to Be Whole

    Leslie and Jessica talk about the difference between wanting companionship and needing a relationship in order to be okay. When another person becomes necessary for your worth, security, or identity, they take a place only God can fill. Healing helps you come into any future relationship as a whole adult—not someone looking to be completed.

    Co-Parenting Requires Grace, Boundaries, and Maturity

    Divorce creates painful complications, especially when children are involved. Jessica encourages women to focus on the children’s well-being rather than getting caught in power struggles with an ex-spouse. Leslie adds the importance of keeping your side of the street clean through wise boundaries, limited contact when needed, and calm, clear communication.

    Your Story Is Not Over

    Whether you remarry someday or remain single, your life still matters. Leslie and Jessica challenge the lie that your “best years” are behind you. With God, you can continue to grow, heal, serve, and become a stronger, wiser, more grounded version of yourself.

    Personal Invitation

    Feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to start? Get the Quickstart Guide and take your next step toward clarity, courage, and healing.

    Download the Quickstart Guide here: https://leslievernick.com/guide

    Friend, divorce may feel like the end of everything familiar, but it is not the end of you. God is not surprised by your pain, your questions, or your future. He is near to the brokenhearted, faithful in the wilderness, and able to bring beauty from ashes.

    You are not disqualified. You are not forgotten. And with God’s help, you can grieve, heal, grow, and step into the next chapter of your life with courage and hope.
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