As a betrayed partner, have you ever wondered why your spouse or partner is so avoidant with you? Maybe you're an unfaithful and wonder why you have such significant trouble communicating your emotions, needs and overall feelings? Today on the podcast, trauma expert Amanda Asproni and I discuss two of the most complex attachment styles: the dismissive avoidant and the fearful avoidant and how they both became who they are. Not only do we discuss how they became who they are, but how the betrayed can navigate around these attachment styles and find hope, healing and practical help to understand how they operate. When dealing with infidelity it's vital we have a grasp of both our own attachment style as well as our partners AND how those styles interact. How did we become so avoidant or anxious? Was this attachment style modeled for us by our parents or care givers? Where do we find expert help and a safe approach to try and save our families and marriages?

While avoidance can frustrate and isolate the betrayed partner, there are ways to engage the dismissive avoidant (DA) as well as the fearful avoidant (FA) that can create tangible forward progress and hope. It's not as hopeless as it feels or seems and today you'll find a light within what I'm sure feels like a never ending tunnel of darkness and despair.

Amanda’s journey into the field of complex trauma probably began in a similar place to where you're finding yourself right now. Her life brought her to a place full of despair, confusion and suffering.

Amanda’s journey into the field of complex trauma began right where many of you are right now, at the beginning.

Experience taught her that the that path to healing the myriad and various aspects of complex trauma is not only long, but also daunting at times. Specialized professional help from practitioners with training to treat the complexity that is complex developmental and relationship trauma is critical to success.

Her personal story makes her relatable and empathetic to her clients pain, confusion and the arduous road that coins recovery.

Treating complex trauma is also about identifying the underlying root issues such as betrayal trauma, childhood sexual abuse, intimacy disorders, attachment disturbances and unresolved dysfunctional family of origin patterns. You can find more about Amanda Asproni here: https://www.healingaffairscounseling.com/about/

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.

If you're an unfaithful spouse, let me ask you a question that will define your recovery work: Are You Living Above Suspicion? If not, why? How can we expect the betrayed partner to trust us, lean into us, move towards us or even give us their heart again if we're not committed to living above suspicion? If you're a betrayed, is your partner committed to living above suspicion? Or, do you feel like you constantly have to search for information and details. Maybe you're in a situation where the only information you have found is the information you have discovered?

Today, Dr. Jill Manning and I discuss snooping and it's effects upon both the betrayed and the marriage or relationship. It's normal to snoop. Sometimes snooping reveals information that the betrayed wouldn't have discovered otherwise. But is it healthy? Is it necessary? You will be surprised to hear Dr. Manning discuss the reasons for and against snooping while also discussing what to do instead of snooping. While a controversial topic, as usual Dr. Manning shares helpful and soothing insight to those who are walking through one of the darkest tunnels of their life hoping to find light and a survival strategy.

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.

Today on the podcast I discuss Infidelity, Betrayal Trauma and Self-Compassion with frequent guest clinician and trauma expert Michael Webb. For decades it's been known that shameful people do shameful things and commit heinously shameful acts. But how do we heal the shame while also owning our behavior and destructive choices as unfaithful spouses? How do we show remorse and empathy to our betrayed partners or spouses while also showing much needed empathy to ourselves? And....why do we still deserve self-compassion even though we're an unfaithful? Better yet, how can the betrayed find self-compassion for themselves while trying to heal from some of the most painful wounds they've ever known as human beings, let alone spouses of unfaithful?

While it can seem messy, complicated and downright confusing, Michael and I talk through what self-compassion has meant for myself as well as Michael in his long time journey of healing from abuse, childhood trauma and relational challenges. Today's conversation is not just for unfaithful but also betrayed partners looking to heal and start a new chapter of their own. Michael has centered his work around trauma, addiction, attachment struggles and OCD due to the fact that he has identified with and experienced this sort of healing himself. Michael has further noted that complex trauma, attachment difficulties, addiction and OCD often cause chronic emotional dysregulation.

Additionally, persistent negative beliefs about oneself, God, karma or others make healing feel unreachable at times and as though life has very little meaning, joy or fulfillment. Helping people find freedom and start living is the passion that fuels both his work and calling since he believes people are built to be self-healing and self-regulating. Michael also believes that therapy is a way of cleaning emotional wounds so that the natural healing ability of the mind can work. He uses advanced techniques and equipment to increase the speed and depth of healing and personal growth. His therapeutic techniques include Emotional Transformation Therapy (ETT), Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Ego State Therapy, CBT and Revisioning.

For more help from Michael or Sam please leave a comment here or reach out to Sam at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.