Living with psychosis was the scariest and most spiritual of my life. It was also the loneliest of times. Lonely, because drugs are designed to be consumed with people, not alone, especially at the consumption level I was snorting up my nose.

Psychosis brought my deepest fears in life, to life, but only in my mind.  Slithering massive snakes; paranoia of being watched - on social media, in the street, at the supermarket; Sex parties at my home, in hidden sex rooms I couldn’t find and suspicious of any friend that had been brave enough to spend time with me.

Psychosis confused my mind so much that I lost my mind. I tried to do things and would have rooms of half-finished tasks, none completed. My mind wouldn’t allow me to focus on anything for any period of time, instead creating panic and anxiety for other things that had to be completed, among other things. At the longest without sleep, four days not seven-ten was the difference in me being able to return my mind to its former self.  

This is the time that  anti-psychotic medication was necessary. I was prescribed  anti-psychotic medication that skyrocketed my weight to 144kg, currently 109kg. It turned me from an amphetamine high junkie to a month long bed ridden sleep deprived being that transformed into a calm mind, enabling repair to my mind.  I turned panic and anxiety into tiredness and sleepiness, the medication assisting greatly. I then stayed on anti-psychs for two years, then stopped taking them (please don’t stop taking psychotic medication abruptly and consult your doctor prior). I got sick of feeling like a robot without emotion. 

This podcast is disturbing. On the other end of disturbing is attraction. I hope the attraction of your mind is active and prepared enough to step in to the world of psychosis. 

If not, you should leave now.

Mike Carroll
19th March 2021