How do I become a better man? How do I develop the maturity, confidence, and integrity to lead myself well, build stronger relationships, and become the man God created me to be?

In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau sits down with Larry Hagner, founder of The Dad Edge and best-selling author of The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood, to explore what it actually means to mature as a man. They discuss male loneliness, meaningful friendships, self-leadership, marriage, fatherhood, faith, and the personal growth required to become a stronger and more emotionally grounded man.

Larry introduces the idea of "the drift" - the gradual disconnection that can happen when men become consumed by work, family responsibilities, and everyday life. Many men spend their time moving between work and home without building the meaningful friendships and relationships that challenge them to grow. Over time, their personal development, emotional health, and sense of purpose can begin to suffer.

But becoming a better man isn't about becoming a macho man, working harder, or simply adding more responsibilities to your life. It's about learning to lead yourself, recognizing where you're stuck, keeping your word, and being willing to pursue growth even when it's uncomfortable.

One of the most powerful moments in this conversation comes when Larry shares a very personal experience with pornography temptation. Despite having been free from pornography for a long time, he describes an intense temptation he experienced just hours before the interview. He explains how he turned to Jesus, acknowledged that he couldn't overcome it alone, and experienced the power of surrender rather than trying to fight through it by himself.

Shawn and Larry also explore what it means to create psychological safety in your relationships. Larry shares practical examples from his own parenting, including how to respond when your children come to you with something difficult, how to have challenging conversations, and how to make the people closest to you feel seen, heard, and safe.

Whether you're struggling with pornography, feeling disconnected from other men, navigating marriage, or simply wanting to become a better husband, father, and leader, this conversation offers a powerful reminder that maturity is something we continually pursue.

In this episode, we explore:

• What it actually means to become a mature man

• Why so many men experience loneliness and lack meaningful friendships

• What Larry means by "the drift" and how men gradually become disconnected

• Why growth often requires discomfort and the cost of doing nothing

• How keeping your word builds confidence and self-trust

• Why self-leadership must come before leading others

• How to respond to pornography temptation through surrender and faith in Jesus

• Why trying to manage addiction isn't the same as learning to lead your inner world

• What psychological safety means and why people need to feel seen, heard, and safe

• How to have difficult conversations with your children without creating shame

• How to balance strength, empathy, and healthy boundaries in marriage

• The difference between the people-pleasing nice guy and a man who leads with confidence

• How faith, relationships, and intentional personal growth contribute to lasting transformation

Take the next steps with your recovery:

*Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz

Discover what your heart may be hungry for and gain a clearer understanding of the deeper patterns driving your struggles with pornography.

https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/

*Get Larry's book: The Pursuit of Legendary Fatherhood

Explore Larry's practical guide to becoming a better husband, father, and leader.

https://thedadedge.com/legendary-fatherhood-book/

*Explore coaching with Shawn: https://secrethabit.ca/

Watch the interview on Youtube: https://youtu.be/MFFS13uKAxc

You feel overwhelmed. Something has happened that leaves you anxious, frustrated, powerless, or emotionally unsettled. You feel the pull toward pornography, but you're at work, in a meeting, around other people, or in a situation where you simply can't step away and work through what you're feeling.

So what do you do when you can't fully regulate your emotions in the moment?

In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau answers this question and explains why learning to ground yourself in difficult moments can be an important part of pornography recovery.

Shawn introduces the difference between grounding yourself and fully regulating your emotions. Sometimes, you don't have the time or space to work through everything happening inside you. But that doesn't mean you're powerless. You can learn simple, practical ways to return to a place of greater stability, even in the middle of a stressful day.

Drawing on his experience of over 3,000 coaching sessions, Shawn explains how understanding your Red Zone and Green Zone can help you recognize what's happening in your inner world before you become overwhelmed. Rather than focusing only on the temptation to watch porn, the goal is to understand the feelings, thoughts, and heart hungers underneath it.

He also shares practical grounding strategies you can use in just two to ten minutes, including deep breathing, journaling, identifying what you're feeling, and reminding yourself of what is actually true rather than simply accepting what feels true in the moment.

The goal isn't to make every difficult feeling disappear or expect yourself to feel great immediately. It's to develop a more responsive way of living, so that when stress, anxiety, or pornography temptation shows up, you have a clearer idea of what to do next.

In this episode, we explore:

• How to handle porn urges when you can't step away from your situation

• The difference between grounding yourself and fully regulating your emotions

• Why pornography temptation can be connected to feelings and unmet heart hungers

• How to use deep breathing and simple grounding techniques during a stressful day

• How journaling can help you distinguish between what feels true and what is actually true

• How to bring your emotional struggles, identity, and heart hungers to God

• The difference between reacting to difficult emotions and responding with greater clarity

• How practicing small, grounding habits can help you build confidence and lasting freedom from porn

You don't need to have the perfect response to every difficult emotion. You need to begin understanding what's happening inside you and develop practical ways to respond when life gets hard.

That's an important part of moving from confusion to clarity, from reactivity to confidence, and from repeatedly turning to pornography for comfort toward lasting freedom.

Take the next steps with your recovery:

*Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz

Discover what your heart may be hungry for and gain a better understanding of what's driving your struggles.

https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/

*Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide

Work through Shawn's 14-episode teaching series covering pornography recovery, the inner world, emotional maturity, faith, and lasting freedom.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link

*Get in touch about coaching

Want help understanding your Red Zone, identifying your heart hungers, and developing a practical recovery strategy? Explore coaching options or reach out directly.

https://secrethabit.ca/contact/

Disclaimer:

Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care.

How to Handle Porn Urges | Emotional Regulation | Christian | Overcoming Porn Addiction | Porn Temptation | Emotional Triggers | Grounding Techniques | | Freedom From Porn

Why Is It So Hard to Spend Time With God When I'm Struggling With Porn?

You know prayer matters. You know Scripture matters. You know spending time with Jesus is good for you. You may genuinely want a deeper relationship with God, yet still find yourself avoiding Him, putting it off, or filling your time with everything else.

In this episode of the Secret Habit Podcast, Shawn Bonneteau explores a deeper question: what if the reason you avoid God isn't simply laziness or a lack of discipline?

Shawn introduces the idea of a core belief and the motivational lie attached to it. A core belief might sound like, “I'm a failure” or “I'm not enough.” The motivational lie then tells you what you need to do to avoid feeling that way - work harder, achieve more, prove yourself, stay busy, or become successful.

Shawn uses his own story to show how this can affect a man's relationship with God. Even when someone appears successful on the outside, the motivation underneath can still be driven by fear and the need to prove something.

In porn recovery, this matters because you can end up approaching God from a place of “I should” rather than relationship. The goal isn't simply to add another spiritual habit to your schedule. It's to understand what your heart believes it needs and begin bringing those deeper longings into your relationship with Jesus.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why you avoid spending time with God even when you know you should
• What core beliefs are and how they shape your behavior
• What a core motivational lie is
• How performance and fear can affect your relationship with God
• Why knowing what you should do doesn't always lead to action
• How this connects to pornography recovery
• How to move from striving and performance toward greater trust in Jesus

Take the next steps with your recovery:

*Take the free Heart Hunger Clarity Quiz
⁠https://secrethabit.ca/quiz/⁠

*Download the Freedom Foundations Recovery Guide
Work through Shawn’s 14-episode teaching series covering pornography recovery, the inner world, emotional maturity, faith, and lasting freedom.
⁠https://drive.google.com/file/d/1tilH7mi7A2WV9vW6kvSMW0Api8P_QWbs/view?usp=drive_link⁠

*Get in touch about coaching
Have another idea for how you'd like to get started with coaching? Reach out directly.
⁠https://secrethabit.ca/contact/⁠

Disclaimer:

The Secret Habit Podcast is for educational and informational purposes only. Shawn Bonneteau provides coaching, not psychotherapy, counseling, medical care, or psychological diagnosis or treatment. This podcast is not a substitute for professional mental health or medical care. Please seek support from an appropriately qualified professional for clinical or medical concerns.

Secret Habit Podcast | Spending Time With God | Porn Recovery | Christian Men | Christian Discipleship | Porn Addiction Recovery | Prayer and Porn Addiction | Relationship With God | Heart Hunger | Christian Porn Recovery | Quit Porn