Susie shares a horrifying story about a babysitter who had to fight off a real monster. We talk about why kids should never be the butt of any joke and we want anyone who is mean to a kid to be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. Susie is mourning the death of Hooters, but Sarah is not sad one bit. We discuss the history of the franchise, why they ended up failing despite the ironclad business model (boobs), and where we think their employees should work instead. We discuss the Gilgo Beach Long Island serial killer, how the documentary showed why the sex workers he killed were not forgotten, and how they finally caught him. We hear about a Paddington Bear statue in England that was the victim of hooligans, what happened to the criminals, and how the town had to help children deal with the sight of the defaced bear. We also learn about a weird neo-tantric sex group, and would like to remind everyone to never join a neo-tantric sex group.

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We recorded on April Fool's Day, so we had to complain about pranks and prankers who commit them. But Susie thinks Sarah is a prank enabler. We discuss a large cluster of people in a small town who contracted ALS, and we learn what might be causing it. Sarah explains how a person gets a star on the Walk of Fame and why it's not on merit alone. But we are enraged about one particular star, and how it desecrates the whole Walk. We learn why women are always marrying "down" these days at least on one metric, and why the pandemic made gender differences greater. We discuss a scholar who is known as "Dr. Dance" and the benefits that dance provides for Parkinson's patients. And our theory about some people don't like to dance. Sarah explains why we all secretly love to assemble our furniture ourselves.

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Susie had a crazy celebrity encounter in LA, and it made her year. We learn how one man's OCD was cured through a violent act, and what it can teach us about the disorder. We find out whether old people find other old people attractive, and Susie thinks it says something about self-esteem. We talk about how language is changing because of the internet, why we all speak more similarly now, but the changes happen more rapidly. We discuss a man who was "terrorizing" a town, but really it was probably just one lady in a paper plate mask. Work from home made us awkward and now people aren't taking showers or brushing their teeth. Susie explains the history of Muzak. And we learn why girls don't play baseball and it's infuriating. Plus, we play Bingo with our commonly occurring behavior, and it's hilar.

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We have a very special guest with us today! We brought in our old pal, Tiffany who was Kathy Griffin's assistant and star of "My Life on the D List!" We were psyched! We found out if she's a saccral sister too. We learn how a little girl completed a science project and made a wild discovery about goose poop. We find out why an art gallery got raided recently, and we're annoyed. Sarah explains why the more we access a memory the older the memory seems. We learn why some people like to do a little dance when they take a yummy bite of food. Susie gets mad about people farting on planes. Sarah describes why everyone's houses are white, gray, and beige.

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Sarah's under the weather, but we can't let it get in the way of our 900th episode celebration! Susie tells us that a rare Charizard hit the market, and it's a Cheeto. We're pretty psyched about it, but not as psyched as whatever fool paid $90K for it. There's still time to bid on the Cheeto that looks like the Air Jordan logo though, so don't sleep on that. Susie is obsessed with the Gene Hackman death mystery and how it had the wildest ending imaginable--perfect for a movie...just saying. Sarah is a ChatGPT enthusiast, so we debate whether AI should be used to write emotional texts like obituaries, thank you notes, and breakup letters. Two men died recently looking for Bigfoot (maybe Bigfoot killed them?). And Munchausen by Proxy now has a digital version and it is WILD. Hear why one woman bullied her kid anonymously via burner phones, and what the motive could possibly be for that insanity.

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Episode 899 is wild! And we think it bodes well for the 900s coming up. We start with a crazy thread online about whether one could hypothetically read braille with their clitoris (shoutout to the Vagina Museum), and we learn the insane reason doctors miscounted the number of nerve-endings in them. Susie discusses the latest shocking death penalty execution because the prisoner chose death by firing squad, and we learn the protocol for the process (it's so disturbing!). A teen in India had a parasitic twin removed from his abdomen, and the twin had fully developed genitalia, buttocks, and legs and could feel pain, but couldn't live outside of the other twin's abdomen. Sarah and Susie discover they both have an anatomical anomaly on their body, and let's just say it is on their bums. We learn about a shipwreck that dumped tons of Legos into the ocean and the people who seek the pieces on the world's beaches. We discuss an expensive legal battle happening in the Hamptons over a $25 gift card, and it's just as petty as it sounds. And Susie explains how doctors are using teeth to cure blindness.

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Sarah roped Susie into watching Love is Blind and now they have to talk about it (even though Susie is mad about it). We discuss the particular hellscape that is a reality tv reunion and the trauma it provides. We discuss why bangs are never the answer and you should never get a tattoo when you're in the throes of life's worst moments. Sarah talks about Belle Gibson who became a successful influencer, cookbook author, and lifestyle blogger based on a lie that she had terminal cancer she was treating homeopathically. We find out why young people aren't getting romantically involved and debate whether that's a bad or good thing. And we hear why reality tv causes insecurity in men and women in different ways. Plus, Susie explains what a "bed party" is and why people are spending lots of money for an instagram picture celebrating their kid going to college.

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We hear why Susie is working overtime as a mom, but she has faith for a better boy. We discuss the woman who died on an airplane and the flight crew strapped her into a seat next to (living) passengers, and Sarah explains why it was traumatic. Susie talks about how scientists are tracking the age of birds' nests and how they found one that they are lasting the test of time, thanks to garbage. We get annoyed about clickbait articles that reported the latest "science" on black kitchen tools, but didn't update readers when the study was retracted and one company is suffering as a result. We find out how an online "sexpert" is helping actual sex scientists, but might be skewing the data. We hear why reality tv prizes are stagnating and not keeping up with inflation, and Top Chef is the exception, but Sarah is still mad about it. And we learn why this plateau in winnings opened the door for Mr. Beast to have a hit with his new show. But we are shocked to hear how older participants on the show are responding in a totally different way to Gen Z players, who are unable to see the divide between real life and the game. We discuss the changes Dawn dish soap had to make in their formula to cope with all the meat we're eating. And we learn how a camping contraption gave Sarah the feeling of...being a man?

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