This movie is the third installment of the Ace Ventura franchise, wherein Ace is depressed, lets down his guard, contracts rabies from a rabid dog, and falls into a hallucinatory fever-dream psychosis, and I will die on this hill!

From the time where alt-rock bands and the second British invasion were dominating haircuts and fashion, comes a script that could only have been pitched as "too many manic, arbitrary ways to count to 23" intercut with "over-the-top 'noire' detective narrative, initially intended as parody for SNL". Come and watch a lanky white guy hump his way through the least thrilling psychological thriller possible, accompanied by bad parenting choices, an objectively a-moral wife, out of place Carrey improv, and enough plot holes to make you wonder, "How did Carey earn 23 million dollars for this hogwash - maybe I am ok at my job...".

Please, someone throw me out a window so I can develope amnesia and forget I ever saw - what I can only assume was - an early attempt at viral marketting for "23andMe".

Air humping, butt cracks, questionable breakfast foods, alligator wrestling, glasses of "shut-the-hell-up", Bob Barker's fast hands (thanks Chuck Norris), and - what we feel - is an unforgivable and uninvestigated PR strategist's ploy to ruin a man's life for golf ratings. Happy Gilmore was the cornerstone of immature comedy for young folks in school halls and playgrounds the world over. The number of quotes from this movie that we still say every year is.. not zero. We've all taken a running start at our ball with the "Happy Gilmore" golf swing at one point or another, and when mini putt gets the best of us, we know "it's all in the hips" and that we should "just taaap it in". This is Adam Sandler's best comedic work for which we have "endless love" - and I'll jersey and sock anyone who tries to say otherwise.

Head to your "Happy Place" and give this one a listen... ya' jackass!

If before recording this episode you told me this movie came out eleven years ago and I still hadn't seen it... I would have walked right by you without another word because I'm obviously too high-society, snobby, and cultured to waste my time with an animated children's movie based on toys. But now that I'm doing this podcast, my shock and alarm that I let this one slip by me before has my mouth fully agape! The Lego Movie is jaw dropping and more than your average children's movie. This is a genuinely fun ride punctuated by great voice acting, clever jokes, incredible animation, and a 'Song-that-must-not-be-named" for fear of unleashing the ear worm that plagued all of North America until we wrestled it away deep in our unconscious minds forever. Grab your bricks (no, not the ones measured in kilos) and assemble your way onto your double-decker couch for Will Farrell's best vilain work since the likes of "Mugatu" and get ready to count the jokes that will have sailed over the younger audience. Good thing megalomaniacs who "write all the history books" and "control all the voting machines" are just works of fiction right... right?

Wow its a DOUBLE FEATURE! Why? Because this dude cannot abide that a movie about men dancing sensually in the rain while still claiming to be "straight street" and "straight hood" was the highest grossing movie released this week in 2004. And because my nostalgia-meter was off the charts for an MTV Movies production from the heyday of my skateboard-rock teenage years.

You Got Served features more montages of wet men than a Rocky/Rocco movie, a cringeworthy grab bag of stereotypes and tropes, and an industrial sized vat of men's hair gel. The Perfect Score gave us another movie cashing in on the fact that American Pie was all any remotely pubescent teen wanted to really watch, that Ocean's 11 was recently cool, and that Scar Jo's agent said "yes" to a full-on crotch shot...

Both these movies will leave you hunting through your junk drawer praying to the gods of low-rise jeans that you'll find your old puka-shell necklace. Grab your best B4-4 or Simple Plan CDs baby! We're going back to the Bush years!

That's a rap on January!

Serenity! No, not the good 'space' one, the unhinged, Black Mirror-wannabe one released January 25, 2019. The one that has us asking those classic, existential questions like, "What does it all mean?", "What even is reality?", and, "Given the movie's twist, does it make sense that the main character shows as much butt as he does throughout this film?"...

Let's discuss how the people are baited (see what I did there) and switched by a thrilling idea fleshed out in the trailer, with a lame twist that stinks like microwaved tunafish.

Someone should call Dr. Bob!

Only the 1980s can deliver a film whose synopsis is, "Disgraced Manhattan ex-cop re-hired by the mayor as a last ditch effort to solve the mystery of eleven women murdered by a serial killer" and say it's a comedy. This movie has it all - from wooden performances to hysterical yell-acting, protagonists with astoundingly poor judgement and ethics, to sub-plots that are wholely brought up and then dropped with no explaination, and worst of all - the criminally underused talents of Susan Sarandon and questionable decisions regarding use of face makeup. Can I have a cup of coffee... preferably espresso?

And they’re off! In this inaugural episode, we take a look at the movie released the second week of January, 1989, DeepStar Six. It’s a bounding ride of poor writing, not much logic, and barely scratches the surface of what could be considered “horror” by any standards. Not the best entry into the underwater thriller catalogue of movies that came out in 1989 but definitely something that should get a laugh out of the audience. Plus gratuitous abdominal shots and more clichés than you can shake a nuclear missile at!