Members of the second generation ex-Unification Church community are beginning to speak out about their experiences, going so far as to coin the phrase “first love trauma” in online conversations. It wasn’t a phrase I’d heard before, even as I’ve studied the intersections of purity culture and religious trauma. But boy could I relate to it.

So it made me wonder if there was any research on second generation adults who have left cults, and their first experiences with romantic love. I looked at the psychology of first love to see if I could make connections to what I’ve learned about the psychology of and abuses within cults.

Resources mentioned in this episode:

• Study on the brain's reaction to love being similar to addiction.
• Jefferson Singer'a quote about our "memory bump."
• A study indicating that our working memory peaks around 18.
• Nancy Kalish Ph.D.'s article indicating that first love does not prevent later bonds from occurring.
• Dan McAdams in Psychology Today, on developing and internalizing an autobiographical narratives.
• Dr. Niloo Dardashti's quote that our first love do become a blueprint for how we approach future relationships.
• Dr. Luisa Dillner on what a love-based PTSD diagnosis might look like.
• Liz Powell, PsyD,'s quote on trauma bonding relationships.
• Michael Samsel's site https://www.abuseandrelationships.org/ where he talks about communal abuse.
• The article by The New Republic, "The Fall of the House of Moon."
• In the Shadow of the Moons by Nansook Han.
• Is Purity Culture a Form of Sexual Abuse? for ICSA Today, the International Cultic Studies Association magazine.
• David J. Ley Ph.D.'s article Overcoming Religious Sexual Shame.
• https://www.inclusivetherapists.com
• https://www.icsahome.com/support/counseling-resources
• Reclamation Collective
• Sexuality educator Erica Smith
• I Got Out