Welcome back everyone! In this season I am going to introduce you to the people in my life, to share their stories and to open this space for more discussions, vulnerability and truth. I’ve never met a more hardcore people pleaser than Andrew. In this episode, he shares his experience with chronic people pleasing, how it impacted his life, how he overcame it, and where he is now. I hope you enjoy it!

Episode breakdown:

• To survive his childhood and adolescence years as a fat kid in Ireland, Andrew became a skilled people-pleaser in order to make friends and become popular at school.
• He describes himself as a “chameleon”, playing different characters with different people in order to fit in and meet other people’s expectations. As a people pleaser, he learnt how to read people and give them what they wanted, but lost his authentic self in the process.
• Andrew shares how he used to stuff down his anger, frustration and resentment in order to please others and avoid rejection. He would go to any lengths to get people to like him, because if a single person uncovered his inauthenticity, his entire world and reputation would be threatened.
• He didn’t understand how being “too nice” could be a negative trait. Now Andrew explains why people-pleasing is actually very self-involved, dishonest and manipulative.
• We discuss how people-pleasing is embedded in most of the world’s cultures and is generally encouraged behaviour.
• Andrew shares how he hit a very dark and lonely personal rock bottom with people-pleasing four years ago. Completely burnt out and at breaking point, the turning point came when he finally made a decision to put his mental health and wellbeing first.
• After seeking support in therapy and 12 Step recovery, Andrew became aware of his people-pleasing behaviour, and through a process of small steps learnt how to set boundaries, advocate for himself, and not accept unacceptable behaviour.
• The two biggest shifts for Andrew were: 1. Realising that he can’t control someone else’s reaction to what he says. 2. Trusting that if someone reacts negatively to his boundary, they are not his true people.
• Andrew describes where he is now: his relationships are far more open and intimate, he has healthy boundaries with family members, he feels more confident at work, and he has more time and energy to focus on himself and continue improving his life.
• Andrew shares a beautiful message of hope for anyone who is suffering from people-pleasing.

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Thank you so much for listening! If you resonate with this episode, want to know more about Andrew’s story, would like to know more about the 12 Step recovery program we are in, or have any other comments or questions, I’d love to hear from you! Please send me an email at morewillberevealed.podcast@gmail.com

Lots of love,

Josephine

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