Shower -The most cruel thing Mother Nature does is tease us in the middle of winter with that one warm spring weather day. Like last week there was a beautiful, sunny 60 degree day and you start to think “Oh wow spring has sprung! It’s finally here.” But it’s not! It’s now back to being like 30 degrees. It’s basically like a teaser trailer that gets you really excited for a movie that’s not coming out for another year. It’s just that sexy minx Mother Nature being that cocktease we all know her to be. Shaving -One of the worst feelings of anxiety was as a kid when you were absent from school for a day or two and then came back and felt like you missed EVERYTHING. It felt like you would never catch up in class. New friend groups were formed. There were a million inside jokes you missed. 1st Grade Tommy who famously had strep throat 7 times in a single year would often feel very, very left out. Lip balm -I just want to take a second and give a quick shoutout to anchovies. Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t like anchovies. But that’s the thing. Everyone hates anchovies and yet, they just keep sticking around. Popping on menus. Being toppings on a bunch of stuff. And people almost never order anchovies. In fact, they’ll often go out of their way to remove anchovies from the food item. But that doesn’t deter anchovies. No. They are a resilient bunch. The world has tried to bully them out of our culinary circuit and yet they are still standing strong. Some thick skin on these fuckers. Deodorant -One of my pet peeves is when you tell someone you’re tired, and they then try to invalidate your tiredness by talking about how tired they are. “Oh YOU’RE tired? Well I had to do all this and I didn’t sleep well and blah blah blah.” Two people can be tired. There’s an infinite amount of tiredness to go around to everyone. We don’t need to gatekeep tiredness. Hand moisturizer -I can’t imagine being the leader of a very, very large country and thinking, “You know what? This isn’t enough. I need more land to rule.” That’s just so much added responsibility to invade another country. Ugh, the planning that goes into that must be so tiresome. Expensive. And not to mention, the country you’re invading is gonna for sure be pretty mad at you. Rightfully so. And I hate when people don’t like me. It’s like my least favorite thing. I wouldn’t want to just get on the bad side of an entire population. No. If I was the leader of a country, I’d be more than satisfied with the land that I have. “This. This right here is plenty to rule.” Hell, I might even give some land away if I thought it would make people like me more. Face moisturizer -There’s nothing I hate more than when people sell out and become shills for a product that they’re financially tied to and paid to promote. Because true artists are starving. You can’t replicate that hunger and desire once you get the bag. It just feels disingenuous and rubs me the wrong way ….. Anyway, you can buy all these lovely Would grooming products I’ve been using at getwould.com or at your local CVS. Thank you for your time.

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