Step 1: Determine the real issue. You know, before you even initiate that conversation, it's crucial to take some time to figure out what the problem is. What's at the core of it all? Is it a behavior that needs to change, or perhaps a personality conflict that's hard to address?

Step 2: Create a safe environment for the conversation. The setting matters. Think about where and when you'll have this talk. Avoid having it on the fly or in a hallway, as it might catch your pastor off guard. And, whatever you do, steer clear of group settings.

Step 3: Be specific and objective. When you start the conversation, set the stage with a concrete example. For instance, "During our staff meeting, I noticed that you didn't participate in the discussion about..." Be objective in your descriptions and avoid subjective language.

Step 4: Describe how the behavior impacted you, others, or the church. After explaining the problem, talk about the consequences of that behavior. This could be something like, "When you didn't participate in the conversation, it made me concerned about our direction." Avoid making assumptions about their intent.

Step 5: Ask an open-ended question that invites their feedback and participation in the solution. This step is often overlooked but is crucial. Don't just deliver the bad news; ask for their perspective. For example, "Can you help me understand what was going on with you during that meeting?" This can be a game-changer in turning the conversation towards growth and change.

Step 6: Set a time to revisit the conversation. After your initial discussion and any agreed-upon changes, schedule a follow-up in a few weeks. If there have been improvements, acknowledge them. If not, discuss what went wrong and how to move forward.

[POINTER 1]

One, always focus on the issue, not the person. Avoid making it personal; keep the conversation centered on the behavior or situation that needs addressing.

[POINTER 2]

Two, practice active listening. Ensure that you're not just talking at your pastor but also listening to their perspective and being open to it.

[POINTER 3]

Three, remember that timing matters. Find the right moment to initiate the conversation. Avoid approaching your pastor when they're stressed, busy, or in the middle of something important.

[POINTER 4]

Four, be prepared for defensiveness. Understand that your pastor may feel defensive initially, and that's okay. Stay calm and empathetic.

[POINTER 5]

Five, maintain a spirit of humility. It's not about proving you're right; it's about fostering growth and understanding.

[POINTER 6]

Six, pray throughout the process. Ask God for guidance, patience, and the ability to maintain a loving and Christ-like attitude.

Travis: You know I do: John Owen said, "Truth and love must always go hand in hand in difficult conversations, for it is only through love that truth is received."