Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- In a dating context, how much recovery should my boyfriend have from sexual addiction prior to us stepping into marriage?

- I’m leading an Authentically You group, and several young women are sharing about their fiancés’ struggles with porn. They seem determined to marry despite hidden worries. I know the heartbreak and struggle that likely awaits these young women. As someone whose husband is in long-term recovery, I feel torn—should I directly warn them not to marry without real help and sobriety?

- I’m in my late 20s and dating someone who’s been in recovery for sexual addiction through groups and counseling. I’ve also been through Betrayal & Beyond. Despite his efforts, he hasn’t maintained consistent sobriety, and I feel heartbroken and powerless. I want to believe in his healing, but should I keep dating him or step back for my own healing?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• More women are coming to group with strangulation trauma as part of the abuse they’ve gone through. I recently had a woman in group who had experienced this and ended up with a blood clot in her neck that could have been life threatening. How do we learn more/have better awareness around this?
• What is the best way to handle spiritualizers in your group—especially if they are spiritualizing the situations of other group members in group conversations. It can be difficult to navigate those conversations in a group setting.
• In group, I’ve heard others talk about emotional affairs—how do you define an emotional affair?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

PD 50 Shades of Grey Review

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• Even though I'm faithful to my husband, and love him dearly, I lust and fantasize and my maladaptive daydreaming is out of control. How do I navigate these waters? Is this past trauma and my need for control? Where do I start with healing?
• I stopped my own porn use three years ago after finding out about my husband’s addiction, but I never really addressed it or worked through it — I just buried it. What steps should I take now to deal with the patterns and wounds that may still be affecting my mental health and my relationship with him?
• Why do I want to masturbate after being hurt by my husband? Do I have an addiction or is it a hurt cycle I am going through? Is it because he hurt me and I don't want to have sex with him and am trying to get my own needs met?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org

We can’t wait to hear from you!

The Fantasy Fallacy

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- I was married for 30 years and I didn’t understand the depth of my husband’s porn addiction until about 8 years ago. He refused to seek help and he recently passed away, so I am doing this recovery alone. About 9 months ago, I found him at his place of business, deceased, in front of his computer masturbating to porn. I have signed up for Betrayal & Beyond. I am wondering if my situation is unique and if this group has anything that touches on my particular trauma?

- Eighteen months ago, I learned my husband had a two-year affair—with a woman I considered a close friend. We’re healing, and I’ve forgiven him, but I can’t move past her betrayal. Why aren’t there more resources on forgiving and healing from infidelity when the other woman was also a trusted friend?

- My husband has not been officially tested, but we wonder if he is high functioning autistic. In what ways does neurodiversity affect the addict's healing process? Are there practical ways to modify or approach support if this is part of the picture?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Grief Share

Is This Autism?

PD Podcast w/ Jenna Riemersma

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

• How do I not hate or resent my husband when I grieve the inability to try to have more children because we have a sexless marriage due to the trauma of his addiction?
• Can you speak to sexual anorexia after betrayal? It's been 5 years since my husband and I have had sex. He thinks I should be willing to try, but I recoil every time he touches me. I can barely kiss him. I've been through B&B three times (as a leader twice). He has been through Seven Pillars five times, and has been a leader for 4 or 5 years. I discovered his betrayal in 2013.
• My husband is well on his way to recovery and I am so grateful for all his work, but I’m realizing I need more help myself. Now that he has made me the desires of his sexual pleasure, I find that I am more cautious and suspicious of his sexual advances. I’m always analytical about where his needs are coming from. What should I do?

Listen Now

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org.

We can’t wait to hear from you!

Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- I’ve felt the harm of purity culture, but I’m confused by the reaction against it—where modesty seems dismissed altogether. I see Christian women dressing in ways that feel extreme, and I wonder if immodesty reflects deeper heart issues. Is there still space to talk about healthy modesty without sounding judgmental?

- I was told having expectations is wrong, but I disagree. I don’t expect perfection—just honesty, fidelity, empathy, and repentance without blame. My husband says I expect too much, but aren’t these just the basics of a healthy marriage? Where’s the line between reasonable expectations and unrealistic standards?

- My husband and I have been in recovery for years. I’m the higher drive spouse, wanting intimacy more often, but I’ve stopped initiating because I feel rejected or like a burden. When he finally is in the mood, I freeze and feel disconnected—even when it’s genuine. Why do I shut down in the moments I actually crave most?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex

The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex

The Gift of Sex

The Couple’s Guide to Intimacy

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- I am single right now, but every time I get in the shower I think about when I get married and if my husband will want to take a shower with me. I don't want my husband in the shower. So how would I tell him no without hurting him?

- I'm a follower of Christ. I was sexually abused several times as a child, I struggled with same-sex attraction most of my life, and I am still single. How do I engage my sexual desires at this stage in a healthy way, knowing that I want to honor God above all?

- I am 47 years old and single. I’m having a lot of anxiety about the idea of having sex when I’m married. I want to be married, but I’m afraid sex will hurt, I won’t know how to act, and I don’t even want to have an orgasm. How do I handle all of these thoughts and fears?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you

The Wounded Heart

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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.

On today’s episode, we answer the following questions:

- After 9 years of repeated porn discoveries in my marriage, we're now heading into an intensive with a polygraph. It’s our first time using one, and I feel lost on what to ask. What questions truly bring clarity and healing? What are the top questions a betrayed spouse should ask when preparing for a polygraph?

- After years of betrayal, broken promises, and failed recovery attempts, I separated from my husband and began the divorce process. Now he says he wants to reconcile—but I still see addiction, denial, and little change. I love him, but I feel unseen, blamed, and unsafe. Am I holding onto hope, or just delaying the inevitable?

- We’ve been in recovery since 2013 with every tool imaginable, yet my husband never stays sober longer than three months. I carry the emotional weight, manage our home and kids, and suffer the consequences of his choices. I'm exhausted, angry, and feel stuck. I want to leave. Why am I the one paying for his addiction and failures?

If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at unfiltered@puredesire.org. We can’t wait to hear from you!

Dr. Jill Manning's Article

Good Boundaries & Goodbye

Divorce Pure Desire Podcast

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