This mom is also an educator. As she was helping a student with a behavioral problem as part of her job at school, her cell phone rang. With uncontrollable emotions and sobbing, her daughter called from a different school, “There is a shooting in our school. Something awful is going on.” Our conversation begins at this part of the story and takes us through the realization that her son was one of the victims, how she found out, got to the hospital and how she copes with the pain while, at the same time, sees the blessings of her son’s survival. It was my honor to support that mom and her family at the hospital and it has is been my pleasure to have be invited to be part of their family. We are bonded by our encounter at the emergency department that dark and traumatic day.

In our study to care with actions that make a difference we begin with our nature. This is our source and capacity to care. If we have a nature that has not been changed by God, all kinds of disfunction pour out of us. I make this point with the metaphor of your life being a bucket. Whatever your bucket is full of will affect how you approach every situation in life and how well you care or even if you care. There is great news! God offers to fill our buckets with a new nature powered by His Spirit that helps us care effectively.

When we boil it all down, most of us want to know our life has made a difference in someone else’s life. That’s worth thinking about and considering how that desire fits into God’s plan and design for our lives. Then we are set on a course for our best life.

Our world changed on April 20, 1999. I remember where I was standing when I first heard there was an active shooter in a High School in Littleton, Colorado. In this episode I talk to Lauren who was a student at Columbine that day. Just before the shooting began, she was on the payphone trying to get her mother’s permission to skip a class so she could go the library to work on a project. Her mother did not give her permission, so Lauren did not go to the room that became a war zone. She was one of the students who safely fled the school. Her memories involve surprise, shock and sadness. Her story teaches us how to support people with trauma and how we can be caring people when we cannot see the trauma a person has experienced.

This method is not for everybody, but since each person’s grief is unique to their personality, faith, relationship and situation, Sam’s experience is not only valid, it is interesting. He and Mary were story tellers and writers in the happy and healthy days and that gift helped Sam see this situation through the story of Mary’s life and death. With God as the author, the story contains grief, drama and hope. Most of all, it isn’t final and Sam finds hope in that belief and trust in the Author to write the best story. His analytical mind helps him see important lessons in the Biblical account of Jesus raising Lazarus. They are powerful when the one sharing is describing his encounter with loss and grief.

Sam’s sister got a very rare form of cancer at age 19. Journeying through symptoms, diagnosis, illness and her death took Sam into events and emotions that a 21 year old is simply not prepared for. It seemed right to be strong for her. He tried to be strong and cover his fear and sadness. She was the one with the battle and he wanted to help her, not need her. So he was a caring big brother but he wonders if he should have been a little more open with her and his family as they were all hurting together.

“It was the right thing to do,” Stephanie says. “But yes, I have regrets.” Caring for people often is inconvenient and even more, sacrificial. Dramatic needs require changes that no one plans for or wants. But what else should we do. In Stephanie’s new life, her view of life experiences and faith expanded to areas of her character and living that she would never have sought and she did something very important. She cared for her dad and mom.

Hurt people, hurt people. We care for hurt people. It is a sad reality that sometimes a relationship blows up or a care receiver does and they say something very hurtful. Those times can wound and wounds must be cared for. Now, as a regular feature on our podcast, Darrel Chaney tells about a Big League experience of being wounded. It sets the stage for a conversation about wounds that discourage, weigh down and drain the energy and enthusiasm that we need to effectively care for people. These wounds, spoken by people, are really arrows of our primary enemy. Our adversary who comes to steal, kill and destroy. Satan wants to keep you from caring and there are spiritual tools to find healing for our wounds and build a shield to protect us from further injury. We need to be healthy to care healthy.