Per holiday tradition, Your Stupid Minds returns with another Hallmark Christmas movie, one that is so insulting not even Hallmark Christmas movie fans like it. It's 2022's Christmas Bedtime Stories, starring Erin Cahill, Steve Lund, and Charlie Weber.

Danielle (Cahill) is a war widow mother whose perfect Marine husband was killed in combat three years prior. Christmas is coming up and, since all major events in her life revolve around Christmas, she's feeling the loss especially hard. These feelings are exacerbated when her chaste Ken doll boyfriend Pierce (Lund) proposes. She says yes, but then starts to see some undeniable signs of her dead husband: lights flickering, a man in a military town wearing a Marine Corps jacket, snow in Virginia in late December. Undeniable.

The movie putters along with 50 different conversations of people coming up to people and asking "heeeyyyy, are you okay?" Danielle talks to her sister and friend (or are these the same person?) who materialize in her living room with a glass of Sauvignon Blanc whenever she needs to talk.

Meanwhile, her daughter Audrey (Alice Comer) has some consternation over the upcoming father-daughter dance, which takes place at school smack dab in the middle of winter break and seems like a particularly cruel event to host in a military town, where presumably half of the fathers are currently on deployment. A classmate is bullying Audrey for having a dead dad, but since this is a Hallmark movie this confrontation occurs off screen to avoid any unnecessary intrigue or drama. Who will take her to the father-daughter dance? Does she even really care that much?

After this relatively rote romp through familiar Hallmark tropes, the movie completely nukes all of the difficult themes it was attempting to address with an ending so stupid it actually made me like the movie a lot more. To find out what it is you'll just have to listen (or watch the movie, I guess). Also Nancy Grace co-wrote this. What's up with that?

Your Stupid Minds returns after a brief unplanned hiatus to give you a film generally reviled in both concept and execution across the entire political spectrum. It's hopefully one of Disney's last romps into the live action remake sphere: 2025's Snow White.

We're all familiar with the formula by now: take an animated classic from the back catalogue, cast someone who can sing as the lead, someone who can't sing as the villain, fill the rest of the roles with nobodies you can pay scale, add some lens flares and CGI nightmares and shove it into theaters for a cool billion dollar global gross. This has worked time and time again despite its overwhelming superfluousness, but Snow White seems to have burst the bubble through a combination of political turmoil, excessive padding, and nightmare dwarfs.

Snow White (Rachel Zegler) is a nice lady whose queen mom dies and king dad marries the Evil Queen (Gal Gadot). The Evil Queen turns everything bad, but as long as her magic mirror tells her she's hot then Snow White is safe. One day the mirror says she isn't the hottest, and Snow White goes on the run to hide out with a cabin full of horrid looking CGI dwarfs. The 2025 version adds a bunch of dwarf lore where they have magic powers that help them find gems. This does not come up later.

Snow White meets Jonathan (Andrew Burnap) a scrappier Han Solo style update of the prince from the original film. They have some repartee and then fall in love. This version adds some new forgettable songs and expands existing songs unnecessarily in order to pad this thing out to modern acceptable feature length. They all Les Mis up to the castle at the end to confront the Evil Queen and everyone eats apple pies forever. The end.

Note: Apologies for the quality of my audio track. The recorder was low on batteries so I decided to switch to USB power, which resulted in some kind of interference. I cleaned it up to an acceptable state, but I promise it won't happen again.

After a contentious bidding war with New Line Cinema, Miramax was determined to revamp the Halloween franchise with this jumbled mess. It's 1995's Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers, starring Donald Pleasance, Marianne Hagan, Kim Darby, and Paul Rudd.

When Michael Myers and his niece Jamie (J.C. Brandy) are kidnapped by cultists at the end of Halloween V: The Revenge of Michael Myers (don't worry, we get into the series chronology in the episode), Jamie is forced to give birth to a baby for we assume child sacrifice purposes. She escapes with her newborn but is murdered by Michael; the killer is singularly determined to wipe out his entire bloodline (but is shockingly not very adept at it).

Meanwhile, a new Strode family has moved into Michael's murder mansion. Kara (Hagan) is a young woman trying to get her life back on track with her six year old son Danny (Devin Gardner). Much like his namesake in The Shining, Danny has special murderer powers and voices in his head, but unlike The Shining, this is unimportant and barely comes up.

Tommy Doyle (Rudd, credited as Paul Stephen Rudd in this pre-Clueless role) is the kid from the first movie who talks about the Bogeyman. This run-in with Michael 17 years prior has left him traumatized and obsessed with the killer, researching occult reasons for his murder spree on the mid-90s internet. He finds Jamie's baby at a bus station and lackadaisically decides to take care of it while they kinda figure out a way to do something. Also Dr. Loomis (Pleasance) is back on his perpetual mission to find and apprehend Michael.

Will these characters intersect? Does this movie have a purpose? Is Michael's mask too large, thick, and lumpy? Will someone get electrocuted so bad his head explodes? You'll have to listen to find out.