BOOK 1: Raising Good Humans: A Mindful Guide for Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids by Hunter Clarke-Fields, MSAE

PART 3 of 4: Chapter 5: Listening to Help and Heal; Chapter 6: Saying the Right Things

Posted date: 7/31/24

Presented by Megan Riesgo, LCPC, PMH-C & Joy Walsh, LCSW, PMH-C

OVERVIEW Episode 103 explores Ch. 5 and 6 of Hunter Clarke-Fields, MSAE book, Raising Good Humans A Mindful Guide for Breaking the Cycle of Reactive Parenting and Raising Kind, Confident Kids. Page numbers and links in show notes for listeners to find additional information on topics explored from the source.

DISCLAIMER: The content in this podcast is not intended to be a substitute for professional or medical advice, diagnosis or treatment and does not constitute medical or professional advice. This information is presented to be informative and does not replace therapy or other medical support.

If you or someone you know is struggling during this phase of parenting a resource to connect with is Postpartum Support International ⁠⁠ ⁠www.postpartum.net⁠⁠⁠

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CHAPTERS and NOTATIONS

Book Exploration - Chapter 5: Listening to Help and Heal

00:00 Intro to show

00:30 (pg. 91) Introduction to Ch. 5, discussion about choice of words matters

1:45 (pg. 92) “A Mindful Approach to Problems”

2:00 (pg. 93) Children are trying to get their needs met.

2:40 (pg. 92) “Whose Problem Is It?”

3:00 (pg. 93) “We don’t need to solve all of their problems.”

3:30 Age appropriate communication and “we problems.”

5:25 (pg. 95) Slowing down to explore child’s perspective.

6:45 Somatic Experiencing reference www.traumahealing.org

7:30 (pg. 94-95) “How Listening Heals” - adults need to ground and deal with own stress response

8:10 (pg. 94) Examples of practicing self compassion, flexibility, and non judgemental thoughts. “Listen to Cultivate Connection,” relationships based on connection.

9:50 (pg. 97) “What Not To Say” Examples with scenario

12:10 (pg. 98) “Barriers to Communication” impact of dismissing feelings, examples explored

12:40 (pg. 99-100) "Change Isn’t Easy”

13:35 (pg. 101) “Reflective Listening In Action," direct quote.

14:35 (pg. 101) “Pay Attention Mindfully”

16:00 (pg. 104) Reflective listening to connect with empathy.
Book Exploration - Chapter 6: Saying the Right Things

17:00 (pg. 108) Building awareness to your needs as a caregiver

17:45 Reference to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

18:50 (pg. 109) Modeling healthy boundaries

19:00 Recognition of the value of caregivers for little humans.

20:15 (pg. 110) "children are immature by definition."

21:20 (pg. 113) Paraphrase from book related to shifting intentions and language.

21:35 (pg. 113) The Problem With “You-Messages”

22:30 (pg. 114) “I messages” exploration

23:00 (pg. 116) Framework for "I messages" from Thomas Gorden who coined the term. Reference from Parent Effectiveness Training (1970). 3 parts: Describe behavior, describe specific tangible effect, and share your feelings.

26:20 (pg. 117) Resistance Expectation, I messages may need to be repeated several times.

26:30 (pg. 118) Trouble Shooting You-messages disguised as I-messages.

27:40 (pg. 119) "Connect Then Correct” mantra. Ex. from book - shouting from another room

28:00 (pg. 120) "Using the Friend Filter"

References discussed from author, Mindful Parenting online course and podcast (Mindful Mama)