In a recent Oval Office meeting, President Trump, Vice President Vance, and President Zelensky found themselves locked in a tense exchange—one that perfectly illustrates the negative cycle that derails communication, fuels mistrust, and blocks collaboration.

The conversation quickly spiraled into blame, frustration, and defensiveness, mirroring the destructive pattern known as Find the Bad Guy—where the main move is mutual attack, accusation, or blame.

🔴 The problem? When we feel hurt or vulnerable, we instinctively react with self-protection, often losing emotional safety in the process.

This cycle is all too familiar—not just in politics, but in leadership, business, and everyday relationships.

So how do we break free?

The Path to Creating Safety & Rebuilding Trust

✅ Recognize the Cycle – The real issue isn’t the person, it’s the pattern. When we feel cornered and flooded with fear, we hyper-focus on what the other person just did, but rarely see the impact of our own responses.

✅ Acknowledge Emotions – Our emotional world shrinks when we either numb out or lash out. Without recognizing emotions as our compass, we are effectively lost. Listen to what’s beneath the reaction, take time to organize and acknowledge emotions, and stay present in the conversation.

✅ Shift from Blame to Understanding – The more we attack, the more we appear dangerous to the other person. This negative pattern has to be shut down before trust and safety can be built. The real villain isn’t any individual—it’s the cycle itself.

When leaders understand these steps, they can deescalate conflict, transform conversations, and restore trust in their teams.

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Dr. Lola Gershfeld, a distinguished organizational psychologist, has dedicated her career to delving into the intricate layers of employee engagement, team dynamics, and workplace conflicts. She is the author of Emotional Connection and The Connected Culture, which aims to build strong and connected relationships, improve team dynamics, and prevent workplace conflicts.