In this episode the story of Chris-Chan gets a little darker. If you thought the darkest this story would get would be an autistic bumblebutt of a man taking creep shots of children at a game store and shouting antisemitic remarks at a man who might not actually be Jewish... well, this episode says "Hold my beer!" It gets even darker. With a revelation from Chris-Chan about how he now identifies as a "tom-girl" which is like a tom-boy but instead of playing with worms and GI Joe he likes to play with his hair and wear his mother's clothes. Oh and the battle between Lars McNulty and Chris-Chan heats up with a shocking phone conversation, there's a "Haitian Voodoo Abortion Potion", the sinking of the Titanic, Justice for Peanut, a potential sex abuse scandal revolving around his dead dog Patti, cat-fishing trolls, an online website for Tom-Boys and Tom-Girls of Virginia, and BORB'S mental and physical decline as they're driven to despair by the antics of the only progeny that still wants them around. All of this and more, proving that life might be easier if you simply identified as someone entirely different, and if you do that you might just find that you're in...The Tom-Girl Saga!

That's right folks! Eli and Mel are bringing back the "summer of funky alien butt love!" A limited time offer, just so they can blow through the rest of Jmmanual's Talmud and then the story can go on hiatus until next summer. Oh don't be so sad, they handle the situation in style. That's right folks, this episode covers the next four chapters of the "true" bible and not the one you've been brainwashed into believing. Even better, Eli gets to talk about his favorite thing! We talkin' about sex baby! Oh and there's some mention about not eating grass on the Sabbath, a pit of vipers, some old guy dying because the doctors don't work on Saturday, necromancy, and of course, murder. But let's not forget the man, the myth, the legend: John the Baptist! He was doing time in prison and yet Jmmanual praised him so highly he might have glazed my dude like a Krispy Kreme donut, slobbering all over him like he was a cake and Jmmanual was a fat girl who just "needed to eat her feelings." The tension was so high between these two pen-pals that one might have mistaken them for...Prison Lovers!

Getting a sense of déjà vu? Yeah, us too! But that's because this is Part II of our Halloween Special! In this episode Eli and Mel talk about how our boy Vlad Dracula became known as Vlad the Impaler. In the latter half of his story Vlad takes over Wallachia, ends the internal threats to his throne, reforms the social structure just because he's such a nice guy, and went back to school to get a degree in tree husbandry. War with the Ottomans was right around the corner and Vlad went out to prove that the stakes were high, so to speak, but they could always be higher. He made his point by skewering his enemies, their families, their dogs, their friends, and maybe even his own his friends. As a matter of fact, let's just say he shish kebabbed everyone who wasn't Vlad. Can you blame him? War is hell, especially on your forests, and tree husbandry is important. If there's one thing you can take away from this story it's that Vlad Dracula might not have liked people but he...Really Liked Trees!