In this episode the story of Chris-Chan gets a little darker. If you thought the darkest this story would get would be an autistic bumblebutt of a man taking creep shots of children at a game store and shouting antisemitic remarks at a man who might not actually be Jewish... well, this episode says "Hold my beer!" It gets even darker. With a revelation from Chris-Chan about how he now identifies as a "tom-girl" which is like a tom-boy but instead of playing with worms and GI Joe he likes to play with his hair and wear his mother's clothes. Oh and the battle between Lars McNulty and Chris-Chan heats up with a shocking phone conversation, there's a "Haitian Voodoo Abortion Potion", the sinking of the Titanic, Justice for Peanut, a potential sex abuse scandal revolving around his dead dog Patti, cat-fishing trolls, an online website for Tom-Boys and Tom-Girls of Virginia, and BORB'S mental and physical decline as they're driven to despair by the antics of the only progeny that still wants them around. All of this and more, proving that life might be easier if you simply identified as someone entirely different, and if you do that you might just find that you're in...The Tom-Girl Saga!

That's right folks! Eli and Mel are bringing back the "summer of funky alien butt love!" A limited time offer, just so they can blow through the rest of Jmmanual's Talmud and then the story can go on hiatus until next summer. Oh don't be so sad, they handle the situation in style. That's right folks, this episode covers the next four chapters of the "true" bible and not the one you've been brainwashed into believing. Even better, Eli gets to talk about his favorite thing! We talkin' about sex baby! Oh and there's some mention about not eating grass on the Sabbath, a pit of vipers, some old guy dying because the doctors don't work on Saturday, necromancy, and of course, murder. But let's not forget the man, the myth, the legend: John the Baptist! He was doing time in prison and yet Jmmanual praised him so highly he might have glazed my dude like a Krispy Kreme donut, slobbering all over him like he was a cake and Jmmanual was a fat girl who just "needed to eat her feelings." The tension was so high between these two pen-pals that one might have mistaken them for...Prison Lovers!

Getting a sense of déjà vu? Yeah, us too! But that's because this is Part II of our Halloween Special! In this episode Eli and Mel talk about how our boy Vlad Dracula became known as Vlad the Impaler. In the latter half of his story Vlad takes over Wallachia, ends the internal threats to his throne, reforms the social structure just because he's such a nice guy, and went back to school to get a degree in tree husbandry. War with the Ottomans was right around the corner and Vlad went out to prove that the stakes were high, so to speak, but they could always be higher. He made his point by skewering his enemies, their families, their dogs, their friends, and maybe even his own his friends. As a matter of fact, let's just say he shish kebabbed everyone who wasn't Vlad. Can you blame him? War is hell, especially on your forests, and tree husbandry is important. If there's one thing you can take away from this story it's that Vlad Dracula might not have liked people but he...Really Liked Trees!

Happy Halloween to the D.U.S.E. Nation! For your holiday enjoyment, Eli and Mel bring you the most based of European leaders: Vlad the Impaler! Nothing screams Halloween more than the story of one of the most feared and effective Balkan leaders in all of European history. Vlad Dracula witnessed his father's rise and fall, was held captive by a bunch of Muslims, and eventually took his father's place at the helm of Wallachia, a tiny country smack dab in the middle of Hungary and the Ottoman Empire. Born into the heart of a world in conflict, it's no wonder that our boy Dracula might have had a problem with diplomacy or anything else that couldn't be solved by punching a guy in the face. Really really really hard. So settle in, grab your ill-gotten candy, pour yourself a drink, and listen as the D.U.S.E. regales you with the bloody history of Wallachia and their greatest leader, proving that Vlad Dracula wasn't an evil guy. He was really just...Super Based!

In this episode of the D.U.S.E., Eli and Mel get scandalous! Back after a night of getting screamed at in a corn field, Eli manhandles the sensitive topic of "Native Americans and the Federal Government" with about as much sensitivity as cleaning a burn victim with steel wool. So what are Skin-Walkers? Are they animals? Are they men? Are they a ghost story meant to scare children around the campfire? We don't know, but what we do know is this--you wouldn't want to be walking in the woods at night and come across one of them because it's a...Literal Man Eater!

Halloween is right around the corner so it's a good time for another saga from our favorite self-proclaimed "virgin with rage"! And boy what a doozey it is. Chris-Chan manages to stay away from the internet for about 24 hours before continuing his life-long love quest. This time he's switching up his tactics! He's convinced he can trust online dating services to find women who definitely aren't catfishing him. And it worked, kind of... He got so popular he crashed their servers! Back in the real world, the beef between Chris-Chan and a local store owner gets dark over creep shots of the guy's daughter. Yes that's right folks. Chris-Chan's sex obsessed life is starting to go down a predatory route. His efforts include relaxing at the park on Friday afternoons, enjoying the culture, and taking photos of women with their kids. Did we mention he was wearing a sports bra? Yeah he does that for the confidence. So if any of this is your cup of joe, just remember to leave a big tip at...The Coffee Shop of Horrors!

It's been two years! So Eli decided to bring you the heaviest episode that the D.U.S.E. has taken on yet. What a way to ring in two years of semi-professional but definitely D.U.S.E. quality evil! Yes, we're discussing the horrific case of the murder of Junko Furuta. Japan is just a black hole of some of the most vile and horrifying cases in the entire world. Just barely scratch the surface of their "power of friendship" facade and you'll see that darkness for yourself. Be warned: this episode is not for the faint of heart. Japan is notorious for treating women like second-class citizens and these four boys are no different. So roll up, pour yourself a drink, find a dark cold comfortable spot to sit, and close your eyes as you imagine the last forty days of a young girl's life and remember that no matter how rough you think you have it, you could always have been...Junko Furuta!

In this episode Eli and Mel take pot shots at.....Christians! But to be fair it was long overdue and this story is chock full history that your local preacher doesn't want you to know. Like did you know Christians used to put animals on trial? Or how about giving fruit exorcisms? I bet you didn't know they dug up a Pope, dressed him in his robes, sat him in a chair, and bullied him over his politics! How weird is that? So if you want to know what led up to that event and its future implications, come on in, the water is fine and remember....Jesus Did Necromancy!