Episode 12 is chock full of dumb stories, just like the overstuffed week in the news! A Florida high school principal hosts a rager, while elsewhere in Florida a man eats so many meats and cheeses that cholesterol oozes from his pores (GROSS). I had a unique opportunity to tell the president that he is number one. The new White House Press Secretary straight-up lies about sending millions of dollars worth of condoms to Gaza. Trump doubles down on his ongoing bullshit about the elusive Great California Spigot. Republicans want to piss off Native Americans by putting Trump's double chins on Mount Rushmore. And a tragedy illustrates that the new president has yet another opportunity to remind us that for him there is no bottom.

This episode goes to eleven! Snoop Dogg and Da Jewels rock the house at the Crypto Ball, whatever the hell that is. Biden and Trump run wild on pardons. The tariffs are coming, the tariffs are coming! Dubya wants to stop the world and get off. The FOP gets punked. TikTok is back from the dead and we still don't know if that's good or bad. The Band's final curtain call. Elon Musk is a Nazi. Or he isn't. If it walks like a fascist and it talks like a fascist and it salutes like a fascist...

Hey. We've survived the fires and we consider ourselves lucky. We unpacked all our irreplaceable shit that has been sitting by the door for the last week. Thankfully, we have an army of online trolls to tell us what California is doing wrong about all these wildfires. Is Crowdfunding a blessing or a curse? Or both? Biden takes his bow and leaves a complicated legacy in his wake. (See what I did there?) The Republicans don't give a hoot about traditions. Unless Democrats violate them, of course. Trump was born on Flag Day, so Old Glory can't be anywhere but at full staff for inauguration day, right? RIGHT? TikTok's ticker doesn't have many beats left, it seems. And Trump is back, baby. Hoo-fucking-ray.