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  • Do You Truly Accept and Understand Your Underlying Personality Traits?

    Do You Truly Accept and Understand Your Underlying Personality Traits?
    2018/06/22
    Many people wish they were different. They compare themselves with others and think that life would be better if only they had their traits, gifts, and confidence. They struggle to accept their nature, and in so doing fail to enjoy everything their uniqueness brings. “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” - Howard Thurman Think about it for a second. What the world needs is for you to conform to its own needs. It needs you to buy the stuff it says you need. It needs you to be predictable. What the world needs is for you to fit in and be like everyone else. In other words, it needs you to rely on the stuff it paints as important, and neglect the stuff that actually matters to you. Perhaps this is better described as what the world "wants". Because as Thurman says, what the world actually "needs" is people who have come alive. A world of people who have come alive is a world of love, creativity, and acceptance. It's a world where people live at peace with themselves, and in full acceptance of the aliveness of everyone else. Stop asking what the world wants from you. Forget trying to change in order to fit in better. Look at what brings you joy, and accept those parts of yourself. What brings you to a place of flow? Do those things and the wants, comparisons, envy, and unhealthy competitiveness will naturally drain away. In this episode of the podcast we look at these ideas in more depth. We examine the first of three disciplines that come from Stoic Philosophy, which is a great help to us as we think about how to thrive as introverts and sensitive types in the modern world. How can you accept who you are? We consider the Big 5 Personality Traits, and what they can teach us about how who we are is both fixed and flexible. By accepting what is fixed, we are able to develop our temperamental flexibility. I share why personality is like a bead on a rubber band. It's my hope that by the end of the episode you will see that you have more control over your personality than you might otherwise think.
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    34 分
  • The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Still Has a Lot to Teach Us (a chat with Bo Miller)

    The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Still Has a Lot to Teach Us (a chat with Bo Miller)
    2018/04/01
    You may well be familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It's one of the most recognised and used personality tests in the world. It is based on the psychological theory of Carl Jung along with Katherine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers. In this week's podcast I chat with Bo Miller, who is an author, blogger, podcaster, introvert, and certified Myers-Briggs practitioner. He helps people identify and maximise their unique gifts through his website, iSpeakPeople. It's a site for INFJs (a Myers-Briggs personality type). However, Bo publishes great stuff for introverts of all colours. You can download his free ebook, The INFJ Personality Guide, which is a fantastically in depth look at life as an INFJ. Criticisms of The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator I loved talking to Bo about the MBTI, and its use in our lives. Over the years of working with introverts and sensitive types I have come across various critics of the test. It was lovely to talk with Bo though, who recognises that while it is not perfect, it carries a huge amount of value. It helps us better understand ourselves, others, and maximise our own impact on the world. Escaping Tribalism and Reductionistic Language Conversations about introversion can be deterministic; a pre-determined set of characteristics and values. Introverts have no control over what they are capable of...and what they are incapable of. We are good at building walls around ourselves, using labels to justify the behaviours and attitudes we want to get away with. But this is not helpful, necessary, or healthy. What I love about Bo Miller's approach to this topic is that he sees the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator as a tool we can use to free ourselves. It's not a tool to label and thus restrict our self-understanding, but one to help us better understand who we are and how we can create conditions in our lives for the best way of being. It's important for all of us to embrace this approach. To enjoy the validation of recognising ourselves in a certain personality profile, whether that's as an INFJ. But then to use it as a way to understand ourselves within the context of the richly spiced variety of humanity, of which we are but one small speck. In the interview you will learn: Why the MBTI is still relevant today What it helps us understand about ourselves and other people Why Bo wanted to be a licensed practitioner Bo's favourite kind of resources to create (as a podcaster, writer, YouTube creator etc) What advice Bo would impart to his younger self if he could How Bo balances family, work and business life, without burning out Over to You What did you enjoy about this interview? Has it changed anything in your understanding of yourself as an introvert? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. Support the Podcast and get bonus extras:
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    48 分
  • Book Club | The Forest of Wool and Steel (Natsu Miyashita)

    Book Club | The Forest of Wool and Steel (Natsu Miyashita)
    2025/04/04
    In a world obsessed with productivity, competition, and the "hero’s journey," Natsu Miyashita’s The Forest of Wool and Steel shines a quietly revolutionary light on something altogether different. This book is a balm for those who’ve felt out of step with society’s narrow definitions of success or crave a deeper, slower, more meaningful way of living. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I explore what I took as its key themes and why they feel so radical in today’s hustle culture. Beyond "Finding Your Purpose" Society often frames purpose as something we discover "out there" - a preordained destiny waiting to be unlocked. But The Forest of Wool and Steel shows us something subtler: purpose isn’t discovered in that way; it’s woven through our responses to chance encounters. The protagonist, Tomura, stumbles into piano tuning after a random school errand. What captivates him isn’t some grand mission but a moment of sensory awe: "His whole body trembled. It was like hearing colour." This moment isn’t about the piano giving him purpose; it’s about how the piano helps reveal what was ready to resonate within him. The novel suggests that any object, experience, or moment can become a doorway to the forest if we're listening. High Sensitivity as an Ordinary Feature of Humanity Unlike narratives that treat sensitivity as a flaw or a superpower, Miyashita normalises it as simply part of being human. Tomura and his mentors experience the world with a depth of processing. One tuner feels exhausted by public telephones, billboards, and the dirt on the road. He has learned to recover through a metronome’s rhythm. Tomura often needs time to process decisions, rejecting opportunities before slowly embracing them - a familiar experience for many HSPs. The book’s quiet power lies in its refusal to pathologise or glorify sensitivity. Instead, it shows how deep attunement - to sound, environment, and subtlety, is the source of growth and meaning. The Question of Success Tomura’s apprenticeship defies every expectation of the "hero’s journey." There are no villains, no competitions, no triumphant climax. Instead, his growth is slow, iterative, and deeply personal: How long until I can make that sound I heard on that first day? The novel suggests that true mastery isn’t about conquering a craft but collaborating with it and understanding with more than the mind. In a culture obsessed with optimisation and "levelling up," the seasonal, non-linear approach we witness here feels quietly radical. Outgrowing Hustle Culture The book gently critiques society’s obsession with measurable success. When Tomura’s brother mocks his belief that a piano’s sound contains "the whole world," it mirrors how modern culture dismisses wonder in favour of utility. Yet the novel celebrates the "useless", the wasteful, and the ordinary: Knowing the names of trees The taste of olive oil-drizzled eggs The way light glistens at dawn These moments aren’t "productive," but they’re where meaning lives. As Tomura reflects: "It felt to me as though nothing was a waste, but at the same time, everything was on some level a colossal waste." This paradox is the heart of the book’s rebellion: what if the "small" things are the big things? Why We Resist Slowness (And How to Stop) Critics call the book "slow" or "uneventful", but that’s the point. Our discomfort with its pace reveals a deeper truth: we’ve been programmed to equate speed with value. Tomura’s mentors teach him that people assume "brightness" is a synonym for better. But it's not that simple. Similarly, the novel invites us to reflect on our relationship with depth and darkness: Are we afraid of stillness because it confronts us with ourselves? Do we mistake urgency for purpose? What if the "forest of wool and steel" (the unseen, sensory world) is where real creativity lives?
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    40 分
  • The gift of low expectations

    The gift of low expectations
    2025/03/16
    When you receive help, do you perceive it as a transactional burden or as a gift? How do you support the people, ideas, and art you admire? Do you feel disappointed when they go against your views, or do you willingly allow them the freedom to grow and evolve into whatever they might become, despite potential disagreements? https://youtu.be/Ueyw7nSI6jc Last year, during a Haven Phrase Maze exploration around the prompt “The Money Changed Everything,” we discussed what makes a gift a gift. We asked whether, once given, the giver of a true gift can have any justifiable feelings about what is done with it. Or if a hope or expectation turns a gift into a conditional transaction. For example, when we give someone a present, we might expect them to use it in a particular way (and not to sell it on, exchange it, or give it to someone else, for an acceptable time at least). What impact does this obligation have on the receiver? How does this relate to our engagement with artists, public figures, and one another? Conditional vs Unconditional Support Are we conditional patrons, offering support only when we agree with the other person? Or are we unconditional patrons, standing by them because we believe in their how and why, even when we disagree with the substance of their particular "what"? This is on my mind because of a comment I received on a recent YouTube video. Someone explained why they disagreed with something I had said, which is fair enough. But I was struck by the intended sucker punch at the end of the comment... “Unsubscribed.” That word was like a weapon; it felt like an attempt at punishment and behaviour modification. It focused on the surface rather than the source. I know that subscribing isn't a gift, but I couldn't help but wonder if a similar mechanism exists in the distinction between conditional and unconditional gift-giving. This is why I don’t tend to ask people directly to subscribe to my podcast, videos, or social media. I want it to be a choice, not a favour or transaction. I leave it for people to come and go as they like, with no pressure either way. If the time comes for us to go separate ways, that's fine. It happens. We don't owe one another anything. We've just had a nice ride along together for a bit. Unconditional Patronage and Disagreement Do we tie our support for people to WHAT they think or HOW and WHY they reach their conclusions? Think about the creators, artists, or figures you follow and admire. Do you find yourself withdrawing support when they say or do something you disagree with? What would it look like to support them unconditionally, focusing on their how and why rather than a particular what? Over the years, I have come to support people whose WAY of thinking I respect and value. Most people I follow express views I disagree with occasionally (in some cases, a lot), but I sincerely appreciate the how and why behind their ideas. The process inspires me as much as, if not more than, the outcome. It's only if their values (the drive of their why) change that I tend to consider whether or not I want to continue supporting them. It can happen. There is a flip-side to this coin... “Subscribed” It can feel validating when someone agrees with something I say and tells me they are subscribing or following me because of it. However, there is a subtle pull that can occur here. The connection between the statement they agreed with and their choice to subscribe creates a conditional presence. I might feel the pressure: "To keep them happy, I better keep saying similar things." This can lead to a slippery slope toward mediocrity, self-censorship, and audience capture - forces we see in abundance today. When we engage like this with people, we subtly encourage them to appeal to the crowd, avoid risks, and conform to expectations (to appease followers and provoke adversaries) rather than exploring new possibilities and navigating the...
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    9 分
  • Afraid of Giving Credit? The Vicious Cycle of Status Insecurity

    Afraid of Giving Credit? The Vicious Cycle of Status Insecurity
    2025/03/14
    People may fear giving credit because they worry it will diminish their status. But research shows the opposite is true: sharing credit actually boosts respect and trust. This paradox lies at the heart of status insecurity, a psychological trap that drives maladaptive behaviors and undermines relationships, careers, and personal wellbeing. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we explore the vicious cycle of status insecurity, its impact on individuals and society, and how we can gently rebel against its allure. We’ll also consider the story of self-help author Mel Robbins refusing to acknowledge poet Cassie Phillips or the pre-existing "Let Them" movement in her recent book. Does this move reflect elements of status insecurity? What Is Status Insecurity? Status insecurity arises when individuals feel their social standing is unstable or at risk. This can stem from comparisons with others, societal pressures, or personal failures. According to research by Katherine Hoff, Derek Rucker, and Adam Galinsky, status insecurity triggers a self-perpetuating cycle: Status Insecurity: Doubts about one’s social rank or standing. Compensatory Consumption: Buying luxury goods or status symbols to "prove" worth. Financial Strain: Overspending leads to stress and anxiety. Reinforced Status Insecurity: Financial and emotional strain further undermines self-worth. Cycle Repeats: The individual doubles down on status-seeking behaviors, worsening the cycle. This cycle is particularly prevalent in consumer-driven cultures, where status is often equated with material wealth and individual achievement. The Reluctance to Share Credit Status insecurity is fueled by the fear that acknowledging others’ contributions will diminish one’s own standing. Yet, studies show that sharing credit increases respect and trust. As Adam Grant shared on Instagram: "Sharing credit doesn't detract from your success. It displays your character. 17 studies show that when people feel insecure, they hesitate to celebrate others—and fail to earn respect." Ironically, withholding credit can damage credibility over time. When individuals prioritise image over integrity, they risk eroding trust and undermining their long-term reputation. The Mel Robbins Controversy: A Case Study The recent controversy involving self-help author Mel Robbins and the "Let Them Theory" may illustrate the dangers of status insecurity. Robbins presented the "Let Them Theory" as her own idea, omitting any acknowledgement to Cassie Phillips, whose viral "Let Them" poem and tattoo movement led to Robbins' discovery. This decision may have stemmed from the pressure to maintain her status as an innovative thought leader in a competitive industry that celebrates stories of "self-made" figures. Yet, as the truth has emerged, her credibility has been questioned, with many followers expressing disappointed and even feelings of betrayal. Robbins’ experience is a cautionary tale: prioritising status over transparency doesn't go down well in the long run. Honesty about the theory’s origins could have enhanced her reputation, demonstrating humility and collaboration—qualities audiences value. The Broader Implications of Status Insecurity On Individuals: It leads to stress, anxiety, burnout, and self-sabotaging behaviors like overworking or people-pleasing. On Relationships: It fosters competition, jealousy, and transactional interactions, making genuine connections harder to form. I once knew someone trapped in this mindset. Every conversation turned into an opportunity to boast about their achievements and experiences. Over time, the group grew exasperated, and this person was inadvertently left out of the proverbial weekend brunch invitation. Their presence created tension and unease because they believed that name-dropping, one-upping, and status-signalling were ways to impress rather than frustrate us.
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    22 分
  • A response to bullying

    A response to bullying
    2025/03/02
    I know I’m not the only one disturbed by the scenes of Donald Trump and J.D. Vance publicly dressing down Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky in the White House. I was saddened and sickened by the bullying behaviour of those entrusted to know and be a whole lot better than that. The lack of empathy, the attempts to humiliate and intimidate, and the smirking childish arrogance was embarrassing to witness. Especially from individuals holding the highest positions of political leadership and responsibility. It presents us with a question. Do we accept it? Does it reflect the world we want to create together? https://youtu.be/lKk-Fp_nqaE The Ripple Effect of Bullying This kind of bullying affects not only its direct targets but also those who witness it. Many people felt the sting of observing that incident for various reasons. So, how ought we respond when we see and hear things like this, which might have particular personal resonance for those who have been on the receiving end of power abuses themselves? Growing up, I was taught that bullies tend to operate from a place of insecurity. They mask their inferiority with a facade of superiority. The hypocrisy in the accusations about disrespect struck me. It’s a classic charge from someone who feels insecure. They questioned Zelensky’s clothes—a choice he has openly described as a show of solidarity with fellow Ukrainians during wartime. In doing so, they displayed ignorance, wilful or otherwise, of the traumatic reality his country had thrust upon it from an invading force. Bullies don’t respect the humanity of others. They smirk, berate, and belittle rather than empathise, understand, and connect. Encountering Bullying Many of us have encountered or witnessed bullying in different areas of life—a boss who publicly humiliates or undermines an employee, someone who sabotages others by withholding critical information or setting them up for failure, or a family member who uses emotional blackmail or guilt to coerce and manipulate. The dynamics are strikingly similar. A pathological need to dominate, a pattern of intentionally misrepresenting someone’s words, obsessively pulling apart everything someone does, and active enjoyment from causing a person harm or distress. Arrogance or Confidence A bully arrogantly attempts to humiliate and intimidate. This is not a show of strength but a reflection of deep-seated insecurity and weakness. This reflects a distinction we might make between arrogance and confidence. Arrogance, as I see it, is insecurity dressed up as superiority. It’s the need to dominate, to belittle, and to control. Confidence, on the other hand, is secure in who it is and the path it’s on. It doesn’t need to tear others down to feel strong. Responding To The Quiet Rage This incident stirred a quiet rage within me. Something was disturbing about watching a leader like Zelensky, who had shown immense courage and grace in the face of Russia's invasion, be treated with such disdain and disrespect. So, what do we do when we witness events like this? It's easy to get caught up in the emotion and stay there. But it’s more important to pause, process, and channel those feelings into constructive actions. Acknowledge Your Emotions: Feeling angry, sad, or disappointed is okay. Express the energy of those feelings in non-destructive ways—scream across the sea if you need to, take it out on a drum kit, exercise your body, or throw something. Connect with Others: Seek out people who share your values and can offer emotional support. Temporary venting and ranting with people you trust can provide healing catharsis, as long as everyone is comfortable with it! Turn Pain into Active Hope: I spoke with Cindy Gale, who shared a framework for processing thoughts and feelings in a changing world. The four stages—gratitude, Honouring Our Pain, Seeing with New Eyes, and Going Forth—can guide us toward constructive action...
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    13 分
  • Embracing Wintering on Serenity Island

    Embracing Wintering on Serenity Island
    2025/02/26
    We just finished reading Wintering by Katherine May in the book club, and it has prompted me to reflect on the parallels between the book's themes and the foundational values underlying ​The Return to Serenity Island​. https://youtu.be/NoGFVIuAPJk Katherine May describes Wintering as “a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you're cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider.” We've all experienced these times in life, but wintering is a quiet act of defiance in a world that never stops. It is an example of gentle rebellion in the face of the perpetual demand to be productive and useful. It’s choosing rest over empty hustle, care over competition, and creativity over endless productivity. May suggests that we often treat these winters as something to hide or ignore. However, embracing them is “a radical act—choosing to slow down, letting spare time expand, and getting enough rest. If you shed this skin, you’ll expose all those painful nerve endings and feel raw. But if you don’t, the old skin will harden around you.” This resonates deeply with what we do in ​The Return to Serenity Island.​ What Is Serenity Island? Serenity Island is a slow and immersive experience, and perfect for those navigating, preparing for, or healing from a season of wintering. Whether you're in the aftermath of a crisis, have identified a gradual drift in a part of your life, or you simply feel the burden of life’s demands on your shoulders, the course offers a space to pause, reflect, and reconnect with the things that matter. You are invited to... Rest and listen: Discover tools to help you embrace stillness and notice the unexpected wisdom waiting in the spaces between. Illuminate the path: as the snow falls, it brightens the world engulfed in the darkness of short winter days. Serenity Island helps you find your footing more clearly and softens the harsh edges of life. Rediscover your voice: As May reminds us, despite beliefs entrenched by popular culture, to view singing as something for the talented is to misunderstand it as a natural and necessary part of human expression. On Serenity Island, you will reclaim your sound and find the courage to explore your voice, regardless of what anyone else thinks of it. Move with the seasons: Life isn’t linear, and neither is healing. With maps and imagination, Serenity Island helps you embrace a cyclical and three-dimensional understanding of growth. What You’ll Find on Serenity Island Wintering is not just about survival—it’s about transformation and enduring growth. May writes, “Every time we winter, we develop a new knowledge about how to go back into the world.” On Serenity Island, you will: Gain clarity on what matters most and how YOU want to approach this next season of life. Identify and gently release the things you no longer want to spend your finite resources (resilience, energy, time) on. Anchor in the present by embracing and enjoying life’s imperfect and bittersweet endings, letting go of perfect hero's journeys and wishful thinking. Slow down, rest, and be yourself alongside others in the folded-page moments of our picnic sessions, where there is no pressure to perform or deliver. Build your toolkit for life by using the course templates and ideas. Develop your own practices, rituals, and metaphors to carry you through future seasons. Ready to Join Me on Serenity Island? Maybe you're in a Wintering season like this and would like some company as you navigate it. Or perhaps you want to be more prepared to embrace your next winter when it arrives. If so, I invite you to join The Return to Serenity Island. This course is designed to meet you where you are, offering a space to explore, reconnect, and grow from the inside-out. Sign up for The Return To Serenity Island "I would encourage everyone to engage with this fantastic experi...
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    1分未満
  • Book Club | Wintering (Katherine May)

    Book Club | Wintering (Katherine May)
    2025/02/23
    In our February Book Club, we met to discuss ‘Wintering: The power of rest and retreat in difficult times‘ by Katherine May. Here are my notes on the book. Book Notes Katherine May describes “Wintering” as “a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you're cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider.” Through a sudden crisis, the loss of something or someone, or a gradual drift, Wintering is about allowing rest and retreat to come. Rather than fighting it, pretending it isn’t happening, or wishing it away, Wintering is an acknowledgement that we can actively partner with the season and find healing, not despite it, but within it. “After all, you apply ice to a joint after an awkward fall. Why not do the same to a life?” September - Indian Summer We treat each winter as an embarrassing anomaly that should be hidden or ignored We may never choose to winter, but we can choose how Wintering is a moment when you need to shed a skin. This is a radical act - choosing to slow down, letting spare time expand, and getting enough rest. If you shed this skin, you’ll expose all those painful nerve endings and feel raw. But if you don’t, the old skin will harden around you. What are some of the default ways we resist and fight this process? October Making Ready The problem with doing everything is it ends up feeling like nothing. It's a haze of frantic activity, with all the meaning sheared away. Katherine talks about “cooking Autumn into the house” after being signed off from work with severe abdominal pain. The preparation of food provides anchors in space and time Preparing for Winter before it is with us - In Finland, the winter arrives suddenly, and you don’t mess with it (having the wardrobe stowed away for when it comes) Daily routines keep us on an even keel All this time is an unfathomable luxury, and I’m struck by the uncomfortable feeling that I’m enjoying it a little too much Can I justify a walk when everyone else is doubling up to cover my job? The things that make us well are sources of guilt and shame (rest and healing are perceived as luxuries) Hot Water Katherine decided to cancel her big 40th birthday trip to Iceland - she didn’t think she was physically strong or steady enough. But the biggest fear was judgement - are you even allowed to go on holiday when you’re signed off from work? What would people think if they found out? But the doctor gave a YOLO permission slip and told her to go In moments of helplessness, I always seem to travel north. I find I can think straight, the air feels clean and uncluttered “In sauna” - Hanne is not talking about a building, she’s talking about a state of being. For Finns, sauna is more than having a sauna, it’s a cornerstone around which life is built - birth, death, deep conversations, and a ritual cleansing of body, mind, and soul Ghost Stories Halloween represents an invitation on the calendar, to acknowledge the present absences and absent presence of those we have lost It is also where we can occupy the liminal space between worlds, thoughts and feelings - where fear and delight become inseparable, life and death, inside and outside November Metamorphosis Amid the transformation of winter - the unwelcome change - is an abundance of life We meet Shelly, who tells her story of recovering from life-threatening bacterial meningitis - it’s not a heroic tale of triumph over illness, there is no path or methodology, she just waited it out and carried on with life…she didn’t witness it, she didn’t have to look at her daughter in a coma (it was not her wintering - that came later when she was in a state of sofa surfing limbo after her parents moved to America and her relationship broke down) - she began a new creative project that on reflection represented a process of her own healing and regrowth
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    1分未満