In this episode of The Middle to Nowhere, I honor the memory of my dear friend Jesse Holcomb, who passed away earlier this year. On what would have been Jesse’s birthday, I reflect on my unique grieving process, the challenges of loving someone struggling with alcohol use disorder, and how my newfound spiritual life has helped me navigate that journey. I share the lessons I learned in loving Jesse for who he was, the importance of forgiveness, and the significance of reaching out to those you love before it’s too late. I also share the last song Jesse recorded, a touching tribute that I help him record for his mother.

In this episode, we explore the savior complex and how it can be created in church culture. Building on our previous discussion about purity culture and unhealed shame, we dive into how the drive to constantly help others and prove our worth can follow us long after we leave the church. Join me as we unpack these patterns, how they show up in our daily lives, and how we can begin the journey toward healing and self-acceptance.

In this episode, I dig further into many of the insights gleaned from my conversations with both Jonathon and Leah in the previous two episodes, further digging into the effects of growing up in evangelical purity culture and many of the ways it can still effect people, even after leaving the church or even their faith.

Having dug into the concept of deconstruction and it opening a whole new door of self-examination, I feel that I’ve learned so much about myself just in the past few weeks of how my struggles of self-criticism, low self-esteem, and perfectionism can be traced back to the church environment that I grew up in.

Later in the episode, I look at the original meaning of the word “sin” (in Hebrew "chata" and Greek, "hamartia") and how it means to simply “miss the mark” without any of the added shame attached. I further discuss how this interpretation was changed at different points in history and how we've come so far away from that original intention.

I hope that this episode helps those of you who have had similar experiences and struggles.

Thank you so much for your support and attention. It means a lot!